Parental alienation long long ago

Severina - posted on 08/11/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )

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As a child I suffered under parental alienation, only now I realise it,( I am 49 ).I feel very very angry with my father that under his manipulations I rejected my mom: after their divorce I stayed with him and his second wife. I disappointed my mom very much. How can I tell my father about my new insight and not hurt him (he is alive, but my mom not). Sometimes I feel like wanting a revanche.

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Lynne - posted on 08/11/2014

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Thank you for bringing this up as I am one of those moms who was rejected. Each time my children, when they were just boys, returned from Texas they were gradually more and more distant from me, especially my son now in prison. Once he phoned me
when he was just ten. He was crying and asked me if he was a 'bastard" because he
said his dad told him that we had to get married because I was pregnant. We were married 1 year before he was conceived. I showed him the wedding certificate to know the truth. He said often they would sit at the dinner table and joke about how stupid I was and my son said he would tell lies about me just to fit in. Now he is the saddest
and angriest person I know! He is talking to me when he is sober (rarely recently), but totally shuts down when he is drunk or doing drugs. In prison he will not relate to me or his brother at all. His only association is with his dad, who I believe he has been victimized by, not only emotionally. (Stockholm Syndrome) I believe healing only happens with the truth. Your father may not be willing to admit it, but you know! He has harmed you, and letting him know that you know the truth either by letter or in person, can ease your heart. You are a man now, and need to speak out for your
injured child, and also for your mother's honour. Trust that she knew at some level
that you would some time know the truth. I wait for my son to come to your realization.
You do not need to carry this anger any further. It can only harm you and your
own family. Lynne

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Severina - posted on 08/12/2014

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Dear Lynne,
Thank you very much for your replay and your understanding. I have read your letter many times. I was almost crying. I can't speak about mothers-children relationships indiffrently.
I feel very sorry about your son. Is it possible to get a psychological therapist in prison? Without that help it could be complicated and last for very long to realise that paricular problem. A therapist would help you, too. You wrote your boys returned from Texas they were more and more distant from you - does it mean that you lived in different homes? I lived separated from my mom and I felt guilty, guilty that I -being a girl - have chosen to live not with her.
You wrote about Stocholm Syndrome - can you write more wht you mean.
Lynne, you have helped me - now I feel more confident and not alone. I want to help you. Severina

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