Parenting

Emily - posted on 02/18/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I think I made a mistake I have always said I wasn't going to tell my little girl about her biological father because when I met him he was totally different then when I had her he was a compulsive liar, robbed ppl, stole and sold drugs, took drugs , beat his mom , tried to kill hisself a lot or threatened to , has been in jail and in the crazy house a bunch, also tried to run my off the rd knowing my little girl was in the car. Well I decided to tell her about him bc she has had the same father figure in her life since he was born and I just felt like I should tell her about her biological dad she's on 4 now she said she wants to met him.... What do I do ?

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Amy - posted on 02/18/2014

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Hi Emily! These decisions can be so difficult! Have you spoken with a child psychologist about this? I do not know all the details of your situation but what I can tell you from my past experiences is that (1) as a mom trust your gut instinct - do you know for a fact he has changed? (2) If you hold her back from seeing her biological father she could grow up resenting you but for her safety if you are going to let him see her do it in a public place, maybe ask him to meet you at a McDonalds that has a play area that way she is comfortable and so are you. I have had 2 of my kids in counseling before and the psychologist always told me to never refuse to let my kids see their dad unless it is an abusive situation and if I am ever unsure about the visits to do them in a public place so it is comfortable for everyone. Some police departments even have rooms that they can let parents use for supervised visitations, if he really wants to see her and have a relationship with her he will be willing to do supervised visitations wherever you and her are comfortable. Also be sure and speak with the current father figure about the feelings involved for everyone, it may not be easy on him to let the bio dad in her life especially since he has been around for quite some time. Good luck!!! I hope it all works out!

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