Parenting

Daniell Lana - posted on 10/03/2015 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My son has not seen his father in a month and we argued not to long ago about it and that is when he disrespected me and said very hurtful things to me, how should I go about solving the situation? Stay silent? Ignore?

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Jodi - posted on 10/04/2015

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If it is in a court order (which you are in the process of getting) then it is up to him to follow it or not - you don't need to chase him up or contact him about it any more.

Daniell Lana - posted on 10/04/2015

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I have court order for child support waiting on the date for visitation and custody and thank you I needed to hear something positive about not contacting him because I am officially done

Dove - posted on 10/04/2015

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If he starts arguing w/ you, you can simply say 'I'm not going to argue. Good bye.' and then walk away or hang up the phone.

Do you have a court order for custody, visitation, and child support? If so... follow that and leave it to him whether or not he sees his son (he should have to give you some notice ahead of time.. 24-48 hours is 'typical', so you aren't left wondering til the last minute). If not... get one and then follow it. If he is not contacting you about visitation... there is really no need to contact him.

Jodi - posted on 10/04/2015

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You know what? Saying "but he started it" is juvenile - it's the kind of thing I hear from teenagers every day to deflect responsibility for their own actions. I don't care who "started it". That's irrelevant to what YOU choose to do once it is started - this is where YOU get to make a choice. As I said, stop getting involved in the conflict cycle. Walk away if he escalates it. I'm not suggesting you started anything. I'm saying stop arguing with him. It takes two to argue, does it not? If you don't argue back, it isn't an argument. You used the term "we argued", not "he yelled at me". I assumed the two of you argued.

Maybe you should have a visitation agreement in writing, then there are no misunderstandings on when he should be seeing his child.

Daniell Lana - posted on 10/04/2015

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I'm not the one choosing to argue with him, he started it all after I asked a question I don't po pressure him or anything when he gets time that's all I asked and he turned his attitude towards me

Jodi - posted on 10/04/2015

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Stop arguing with him. Choosing to argue with him over when he sees his son (or doesn't see his son) is you trying to control his choices. He needs to make a choice on his own without you putting him down about it. I am not saying that his choice is correct - he should be seeing his son more often, but allowing yourself to get into the conflict cycle by arguing with him over it is never going to end well, and you will not win the argument. By all means, suggest to him that his son would like to see him more often, and ask if that is possible, but don't get drawn into the argument. If he says he can't, then shrug and walk away.

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