parenting advise needed?

Hanah - posted on 05/14/2011 ( 4 moms have responded )




where do I begin with my motherhood struggles. My 2 year old daughter is driving me absolutely crazy! First of all, she's so hyper, I can't even begin to describe it. She has an aweful habit: every time we go out anywhere, she runs away from us and doesn't care if we're around or not (this is very dangerous where I live, where kidnapping is very likely). Whenever I tell her to come she runs some more. I tell her to come change her diapers, she runs. I tell her to come get dressed, she runs. I tell her to come wipe the snot off her nose, she runs. She thinks everything is a game of catch and runs away from me, and with my body getting bigger, she's a lot faster than I am so I end up panting and struggling for nothing. It's a fight to get her to shower (she hates it when she showers and always cries), it's a fight to get her to wear her diapers (she always kicks my stomach no matter how hard I try to protect it). She ruins EVERYTHING. she just threw my lap top on the floor really hard it shut down for like an hour. She pulled out the keys on my keyboard, along with the rubber that holds it. She throws glasses on the floor and breaks them. she climbs on the couches into dangerous positions and I end up pulling her as she falls down, which is tough work for an 8 month pregnant skinny girl. The term NO means NOTHING to her. She does what she wants anyway and smiles as she does, and consequences mean nothing to her. I tried smacking her, yelling at her, putting her in the corner, talking to her... all to no avail. In stead, the little bugger yells and me back and says I'm not allowed to shout at her and that I'm naughty mommy. And putting her to bed has become a REAL nightmare. I have to constantly yell at her to close her eyes and stop talking while she tosses and turns and makes demands (that I don't give into). I gave up and tried going out of her room and letting her cry, only to have my husband come and yell at me for it and give me shit for "scaring her and keeping her in a dark room". so I let him put her to bed and now he's still in there, an hour later. I've had a head ache all day, along with a back ache and a zillion braxton hicks I just can't deal with all this right now. I don't know how to discipline her, I just don't. I'm filled with regrets about things I should have done sooner, like sleep training her. She's so mobile now there's no way I can keep her in her crib. I just don't know what to do, and having a husband yell at me really did not help :((((


Danielle - posted on 05/14/2011




I agree that it sounds like more consistent discipline is needed. I can even imagine being 8 months pregnant and dealing with a little toddler... that being said, does your husband help out a lot with the discipline, and entertaining of your daughter after work?

I think you need to get on the same game plan as your husband in terms of expectations of each other, as well as your expectations for your daughter, and what constitutes discipline actions.
I think it would help you have a better understanding of each other when situations unfold, and will help resolve your husbands yelling.

While you and your husband are discussing your boundaries and expectations for your daughter, you should also let him know how you feel about his yelling at you.
It undermines your authority in the eyes of your daughter, and also shows a lack of respect towards you as a parent.
Your daughters attitude may be influenced by the indecision between the two parents (not being on the same page)... and I am assuming this hostility (yelling) is happening in front of your daughter, or at least in ear-shot.

If you daughters sees a lack of respect between the two parents she is just exhibiting her surroundings.

As I am a reader, I strongly recommend that you read "The happiest toddler on the block" By Dr. Harvy Carp. As well as, anything By Joe Frost (Supernanny). I feel that these resources have helped my family establish strong discipline and communication techniques to deal with the toddler years.

[deleted account]

I don't have a lot of advice, but I'll give it a shot.

The first thing is that you and your husband both need to stop yelling. AS a yeller, I know how hard that is, but think about how you feel when your husband yells at you and then imagine that you are 2 years old instead of a grown woman..... Yelling flat out does nothing except produce more yellers (as I have 3 kids that yell ALL the time.... stop it now while she's only 2... if you can).

For the running in public.... get a leash/harness or stick her in the stroller until you can teach her to listen to you (by practicing at home and safe public areas). You can practice getting her to come to you by playing a game like red light green light and giving her a small prize (stickers are great) when she gets to you.

I have a LOT of challenges w/ my 3 year old son, but find that we have fewer battles when I turn 'chores' into games.

As for the destruction.... just keep trying to be consistent w/ the time out.... and hide all your valuables.

Hang in there!

[deleted account]

You've never played red light green light as a kid?

It's the same concept as the stop lights. Red light they have to stop... and stay still. Green light they run towards you. I know that's not the game I played w/ my girls at that age, but as it was 7 years ago now.... I can't remember. It WAS similar though and it's the same concept of getting them to come to you when you want them to.

If she has the verbal skills to tell you that you are naughty... she 'should' be able to understand the game. All kids are different though.


View replies by

Sharon - posted on 05/14/2011




Okay i 100% feel for you, I am right ther with you, My 2 year old son and i just had a baby girl. How long has she been acting out? \has it been more recent? You have to remember children are more aware of there surroundings than we are. she maybe acting out as well with the fact that you are getting closer to the end of your pregnancy and she can sense the change in you by the smell of you hormones, i know that sounds weird. she can also tell that you can't do as much as you could 8 months ago.
With that said i agree with the harness and stroller idea it has helped my spirited son and the red light green light game works with my husband not with me. Also rewarding the good behaviour works well for us. My son had a screaming tantrum moments when he wants something he would scream and less we gave in the louder it got.He quilckly learned that he doesn't get what he wants when he screamed. We slao made games out of his behaviour with rewards and take aways. When he sis something good as dimple as helping to clean up his toys he would get a treat or a sticker but when he did bad behavour such as screaming, spitting, hitting, kicking, running away i would put him in room or in a spot outside like under a tree he would have to saty there like atime out when he calmed down we would explain why he was there and that there are consequences for bad behaviour and something that he likes would be taken away such as a toy or his stickers what not. Disguss what you would like to do with your husband and agreeing that you need to be on the same wavlenthg because it does help. I know this can be difficult it was when i had to sit down with my husband but once we atrated becoming a unit and consistent the behaviour started to change both of theres did. And by the way when i'm at home and he acts up and i put him in his room for a time out i also shut the soor and shut the lights off. i do have a night light in there so its not completly dark but just so you know it took only 3 days and he understands what will happen. Although, i will be honest i was worried at first that sleeping and being naughty went hand in hand but so far he doesn't seem to notice that they are related because i'm not doing it for not ging to bed and it doesn't tramatise your child for doing it. I learned that in my supernanny book

Good luck and best wishes if you need to vent or just need some encouragement just look me up i will help where i can because i know exactly what your going through.

Hanah - posted on 05/14/2011




I'm curious about the red light green light game, although I'm not entirely sure she will understand it, as she turns two in 2 weeks and is still relatively young

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms