Parenting grandchildren but hubby wants me to choose

Lynne - posted on 01/02/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )

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We are 50+ grandparents raising 2 grandsons 11 and 15 because their parents chose drugs over the kids. We love our grandsons who have now lived with us for two years but recently my husband has begun to resent them. He asked me once if I would leave him if I had to choose between them - of course I said no. Since then he has been distant toward them and makes the entire household a tense place. He either says nothing to them or yells at them - he actively looks for things to yell about. The oldest one already has emotional issues that we take him to therapy for (it does make him hard to deal with at times and this seems to be the biggest issue) My husband can't seem to accept that everyone is not "normal" by his definition but you don't dispose of them. I truly don't know what to do - we have been married for over 35 years, I love him but don't love living this way and am not about to dump these boys - they have already been through hell! Please advise - I came here because you are all so helpful and encouraging to each other !

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Becky - posted on 01/07/2015

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So sorry your going through this Lynne Aragon! But I'm right there with you...I'm raising my great-neice. I feel as though my hubby resents her being here. But I can't just put her out. We got her when she was almost 3 years old and she will be 7 in July. I'm 52 will be 53 here very soon. I never had a daughter I've got two sons. I must admit I do have my girl spoiled rotten. And I thank God we have two living rooms more so now than ever. Our husbands sound so much alike...lol😞 like you I've thought about leaving but with my age and starting all over raising another child. I just can't do it now, if I were younger yes I could.

Oh and I do love this little girl as though I had given birth to her!!

Maria - posted on 01/02/2015

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It's tough. .maybe is there a resentment he has towards the parent of the children. Is it your son or daughters children. .he may feel tired because this is your time together. .I kind of understand his frustration.but he had to realize.it isn't the children's fault. .maybe say to him that he would be a great role model if he would just relax and show the kids the way to do things his way instead of him being resentful to them..but leaving him would just make him angry and hurt and make you unhappy. Otherwise get some counseling for him. .good luck

Lynne - posted on 01/02/2015

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Thank you Maria and I do try and give them space but Hubby refuses to do anything fun with them - he will take them for a haircut but that's about it.
I frequently wonder if I should leave - his behavior seems so childish to me. We just spent five days traveling without them. Great trip, we came home and he did not even say hello - to them or the sitter, just started fussing because laundry wasn't done (he said) - he refused to acknowledge that they did do other things like keep the house clean, take the trash to the curb on trash day, get the mail, etc just looked for stuff to complain about. He is a good man in other ways and in may a great one but this is just eating at me. He tells his family - several states away how horrible the oldest boy is and that its hopeless, yet he goes to visit and pray with men in prison! I told him I don't know why he can't show that compassion at home to these boys!

Maria - posted on 01/02/2015

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This is a difficult situation ..maybe you can send them 2 days a week to a relative just to ease the tension..or maybe have your husband take them and do something that he is interested in..possibly?

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