User - posted on 03/11/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )
Ok, I'm putting it out there. We need to start talking about this without fear of judgement for being a bad mother.
I have depression and although I can't deny it doesn't affect her, she is cared for, not abused and she gets her needs met. I know so any women in the same situation yet every one locks it up for fear of judgement.
She is 2 and I didn't develop it until she was 10 months. I am an outcast in my family due to my fathers drug choices. Before her dad left us, he made as much havoc as he could. Told all my close friends some serious lies and they believed him! It was only 3 ppl but that was my net work. Now all alone 2 yrs on, 5 nights to myself with absolutely no involvement from anyone. Her second birthday, no one even visited her. Expectations put me in this situation. Family, friends, bbqs, etc pfft yeah right. I get sick and no one helps. They did when I had money!!!!!
She makes me miserable, I had her in the nearest daycare but for her it made things worse. (Bad facility) I'm at my wits end! Constant 24/7 work with no gratitude or respect. When she's awake I struggle with a feeling of it all sucking my soul dry, I'm at my all time low. when she's asleep im me again! Free to just walk in a straight line/no whinging!!! I do housework and smile!!!! Bam I hear her voice and I start sinking. I've exhausted my options. It doesn't help every visitor she screams and cries unti they leave and they just never come back? They stop calling and texting, I haven't had a visitor in 2 months, not from lack of trying... I tried my family, haven't seen them in 20 yrs, never asked for anything but their time and I got called and I quote "pest" and "uninvited" needless to say I gave up quickly, I've been ridiculed my entire life for my up bringing or lack of it and I'm 29... I can't take anymore. I've considered and researched adoption, sending her to her dads who doesn't want her, respite with Bernardos is my only choice left. Sending her away to strangers for some time just to be me and have a solid sleep..... So much for a loving circle. How do I get through this with her loving me! As the days drag on it becomes more a chore and less loving, less fun, less patience and I hate it!!! I read you need time alone to be the old you too recover from post natal and I've not had any. How do I get through this? I'm not sure I can? Honesty, Im pretty sure I don't like being a mum. (Pls be kind)... It's not a phase and no amount of depressants or counselling is helping? I can't be alone? Pls help me, I am going crazy in kid land.