PART TIME DAD

Tina - posted on 06/21/2011 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO BE UNDERSTANDING ABOUT NOT GETTING CHILD SUPPORT TIMES HAVE BEEN TOUGH FOR EVERYONE. NOW HE HAS A NEW JOB AND STILL JUST GETTING 40.00 HERE AND THERE? DO I WRITE HIM OFF....HE ONLY SEES HER ONCE A MONTH AND THATS WHEN I CALL AND ASK HIM TO TAKE HER FOR THE WEEKEND? JUST WANT SOME ADVICE..I WOULD JUST RATHER WRITE HIM OUT OF OUR LIVES !

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Jodi - posted on 06/21/2011

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No, your child has a right to know her dad. Whether you think he is a deadbeat or not. If his only crime is that he is not paying child support, then continue with allowing them to have time together. Don't make HER relationship with her father about money.

With respect to the child support, I don't know where you live or how the child support system works, but I imagine there are ways to go about remedying that? However I do urge you to separate the two issues.

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Stifler's - posted on 06/21/2011

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I agree with the others, she has a right to get to know him and then decide whether he's an asshole or not for herself. You also need to get legal advice about the money, I would not put up with $40 here and there whether he was in her life or not.

Jodi - posted on 06/21/2011

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Tina, when she is old enough to decided she is sick of dad blowing her off, then stop. But in the meantime, she does have a right to get to know him if the opportunity arises.

Have you, at any point, sat down with him and discussed a regular visitation schedule, rather than resorting to asking him to take her here and there? Perhaps he would actually appreciate a regular visitation schedule that you can all be certain of?

I only pointed out the money because you mentioned it. Like Teresa, I am owed child support by my ex, but I wouldn't withhold contact because of it. However, now that his dad has moved interstate, it is a constant struggle to get him to pull his finger out and organise visitation. However, our son is now nearly 14 - he can communicate with his dad himself, and choose whether he wants to go or not. But it was never my choice as to whether he should see his dad or not, even in those times when his dad was a complete flake over it.

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Ditto Jodi entirely. My ex owes close to $20,000 in child support, hasn't seen his kids in 6 months, and on July 1.... they are going to see him for 4 weeks.

Do I LIKE the situation? Of course not, but my kids love their dad and regardless of how much I think he sucks.... they have a right to know him as much as he'll allow. They'll figure it out for themselves soon enough. My girls (9.5) already have cuz when I told them on Sunday that it was Father's Day... they didn't mention their dad at all, but asked if they could go to the beach w/ their favorite 'uncle'. Granted, they LOVE their dad, but they're used to him not really being in their lives. I'm not about to take what little time they do have w/ him away.... UNLESS he was a threat to them which, so far, he isn't.

Tina - posted on 06/21/2011

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he just doesnt seem interested in this child....he just has nothing to do with her only when i ask him to keep her for a weekend??? i shouldnt have to be the one to ask! ? its not about money that is a seperate issue....once a month is when he gets her and sometimes he blows her off and dont hear from him!

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