partner blames sons behaviour on my daughter.....

Danielle - posted on 08/18/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I have been with my partner for 3 years now and are engaged to marry next july 2013. I have a teenage son 17 and a teenage daughter 14 he has two sons 13 and 10. Me and my two live with my partner and have the boys to stay over a lot of the time. My daughter 14 has had a bad three years with the breakup of her father and me and my new relationship with my new partner. she does not see her bio father and this has affected her a lot. we have all had our ups and downs with her, she has been very disrispectful at times, swears and has been physically agressive. her behaviour has now started to improve, which is a good thing as she is coming out the end. now we have started to have the same behaviour from my partners son 13 and my partner is blaiming all his change in behaviour on my daughter. he now says he can not live with my daughter because of this and has started to ignore her and stay away from the home. he has staited he wants her to move out which means i now have to move aswell. he says he loves me but wants to pospone the wedding/marriage next year as he cant stand being around my daughter anymore. He says he has to protect his sons and can not disipline her, my daughter my problem he cant help me. All advice greatly received.

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Jodi - posted on 08/18/2012

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Get out. Seriously, if he can't tolerate your daughter, and feels like that, then it's all over. If he really cared about you, he would be supportive and recognise the difficulties your daughter has been dealing with, and try to help you with solutions, and he would also recognise that his son is probably just going through a hormonal period too, just like many teens do. But telling you that your daughter has to leave? I'd leave alright, and I wouldn't be postponing the wedding, I'd be cancelling it. you and your daughter are a package deal. She's still a kid. He either accepts that or he doesn't.

Tina - posted on 08/19/2012

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Yeah not much you can do unfortunately. Just focus on you and your children. She's your daughter and you shouldn't have to chose. Goodluck anyway with finding another place hope everything starts to get better for you and your daughter. She may just enjoy having her mum a bit more. Good luck with everything. On the upside at least he showed his true colours before you got married.

Dove - posted on 08/18/2012

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Ditto Jodi entirely. Get away from him and stay away from him. She has had enough pain and stress from her father leaving her. Don't try and make it all work out with her living with a man who can't stand her. Regardless of what a pain in the butt she's been she NEEDS unconditional love and acceptance... more so now than ever. Does she have a grandpa, uncle, or male family friend she is close to? She needs love and acceptance not just from you, but from a safe older male as well. How is her brother's behavior? Are they close? I recommend counseling for all of you if you aren't already going. I'm so sorry you both have to go through this!!

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Danielle - posted on 08/19/2012

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Thank you Dove x
Yes she does have a couple of uncles which she actually goes to see once a week and has a great relationship with which is an escape for her. Her brother is ok, he is very grown up and is very passive. He and his sister argue and fight but love each other very much and would be there when needed. I have been in councelling for nearly a year now myself due to my previous relationship and my daughter has had some counceling but says she doesnt want any more and is ok with things now.

Danielle - posted on 08/19/2012

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Thank you Jodi x Yes I'm going to cancel the wedding. I have found a house to rent and going to see it on tuesday so hopefully will be moving out with my daughter at the weekend. Thank you very much for your advice x

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