Partner wants me to terminate if im pregnant
MOST HELPFUL POSTS
~â¥Little Miss - posted on 03/11/2013
WOWZA! Who do you think you are to completely be so judgmental of another women and decide what she can and cannot do with her body? And plenty of single parents raise wonderfully successful kids. Many complete families raise axe murderers.
Also you are essentially saying she should have absolutely no choice because some random stranger with a bad attitude thinks she will end up being a gold digger and a bad mother??
And in the long run, it is HER body and HER ultimate choice. No one can tell her she needs to have an abortion, and no one can tell her she cannot. If a man wants to have the final say, he can get a vasectomy and control his own damned fate.
Gwen - posted on 03/15/2013
What I am about to say is going to offend some people, probably most people. I'm not saying my statements are absolute, I'm stating my perception(s). Please don't be offended if I think differently then you or appear less loving or what not. I'm writing the answer that I personally would want to hear to this question:
There are things you need to ask yourself (you don't need to let anyone know the answers):
*Is a large perk to having this "theoretical" baby that the father will then forever be intertwined in your life? (I'm not saying you want to be with him, I'm saying is this you wanting to be "special" to him--i.e.--the mother of his child(ren))?
*Has the "theoretical" father always treated you poorly? If you're thinking "he's nice and romantic sometimes, then after a few days or weeks it flips and he's a mean, nasty poop face" then he DOES treat your poorly.
*Will he be involved in your babies life and make them feel that they are loved, adored and validated?
*Will he be mean and harass your child about the child support he has to pay or that you (the childs mother) ruined his life/goals/dreams by having him/her(the child)?
*Will his parents be good grandparents?
a.) Will they interact with you well?
b.) Will they trash you in front of your child and throw you under the bus in a custody dispute even if you're the better parent because their son wants them to?
c.) Will they perjure themselves in court to ensure their loyalty to their son remains in tact?
*Do you have the assistance needed to be able to have at least one night every couple of months off if you have a baby?
*Do you have a REAL support system?
*Will you be able to continually make an income with a child?
*How will you balance career with a newborn, baby and toddler? (If you're alone)?
*How will you feel when holidays roll around if it's just you? Will you get depressed? Will you be lonely when you have a baby, no husband and no sitter?
*Are you stable? What I mean is, we all have issues (some of my own are HUGE), are yours under control? Are you bettering yourself?
*Will you be a good role model?
*Will you maintain your mental health, particularly in cases of extreme loneliness?
*Will it bother you when people, especially older women, look at your ring finger, then your face and your babies and then back to your face to show you a look of disapproval for being a tart?
*Will it make you sad when you're at the park and you baby (possibly a boy) see's another baby happily with their dad? Will it upset you when your child looks enviously at another child being tossed in the air and loved?
*Will it bother you when men you might be interested in dating assume some of the listed things about you:
a.) You put out, you're so busy as a single mom that you're probably interested in FWB.
b.) You're looking for a "babys daddy" and think their so ammmaaaazzzing that they ought to be him.
c.) You lack commitment, you didn't get married or stay married to your child father.
*Were you abandoned or made to feel unloved as a child? Were you abused?
*Does none of this have anything to do with him but everything to do with you? Is this a sad manifestation due to your own sad childhood experiences?
*Do these same experiences that would most LIKELY make you petrified of abandonment and slightly delusional cause you to believe that the babies dad will get back together with you or end up with you or forever be chained to you or _______(fill-in the blank but basically be tied to you in some fashion)?
*Is adoption an option? Is there anyone you know that is struggling to have a baby? Or is there anyone you know that knows someone who is struggling to have a baby?
*Are there ANY hereditary health concerns you may pass onto your baby? By ANY I mean diabetes, schizophrenia, down syndrome, autism, brittle bone disease, et cetra. (ANY).
***(I keep wanting to write "son," so if you're keeping the baby, or when you have one I'm guessing it'll be a bouncy baby boy!)
*Are you prepared to RUIN your body?
NOTE: Some women, probably most, look great after babies, BUT as a mother I can say my private parts got BUTCHERED, I've acquired 20 pounds that won't go away and after two babies my breast looked like deflated balloons, I've since gotten fake ones.
After answering these questions, or the ones that were pertinent to you then I'd suggest meditating on your own answers. It's difficult to objective, emotions are powerful vessels, a truly good mother wants what is best for her child, whatever that may be.
****My answer is based upon my own experience, life choices, direction, and reflection.
I am the single mother of two toddler boys, they have the same dad, he is a douche bag, I attempt to force him into being that dad he'll never be. Contemplate my questions, if I had a time machine I sure would.
Blessings to all who read this!!!
Kelsey - posted on 03/11/2013
Oh geez. I understand that every woman is entitled to her own opinion; but there is something called keep it classy that comes to mind.
I'm a firm support of adoption before abortion. They had unprotected sex, therefore they should deal with the outcome.
It is her choice to with her body as she will. If her boyfriend wants nothing to with the child; he could sign his rights away. As someone else said.
They obviously shouldn't be in a relationship together if he doesn't respect her or her wants. I, personally believe, that he HAS NO rights to say what she should do with her body. He has it easy. He doesn't have to deal with the physical and emotional trauma. He's selfish. Nuff' said.
Also, I was raised on a broken home, I don't think I turned out bad. I stepped up to the plate as a mother; my ex, on the other hand, ran with his tail between someone else's legs.
This child comes first before her needs and his needs, their relationship. This child comes first!
Dove - posted on 02/04/2013
Two people created this child (potential child I guess since pregnancy isn't confirmed) and two people should be held equally responsible. Of course, I also come from a pro-life position saying that if a baby is created... neither partner should have an 'easy' out. If abortion didn't exist.... both people would have to 'pay' for the baby they created. If an STD was passed on... both people would have to 'pay' with no easy out. I, personally, don't feel that either partner should have an 'easy' out simply because the concept of abortion DOES exist.
Basically.... you play, you pay regardless of gender and intent. Don't want to take responsibility for creating a life... don't do the deed that it takes to create one unless you make SURE you are doing absolutely everything in your power to prevent that pregnancy.
If he didn't wrap it up and she isn't on the pill or anything... they are both equally responsible and they both pay.
Sorry.... I'm a bit longwinded today. ROUGH night. Almost didn't post this, but what the heck.... I've deleted enough almost posts today. ;)
Teresa - posted on 03/14/2013
First of all you need to kick his ass to the curb because if he wants you to do that he can care less about you. It's totally your decisionif you want to terminate or not
, you do what's best for you and that unborn baby, but I'll tell you one damn thing if I decided to terminate he definitely will be out of my life forever because he's an asshole. I would definitely be praying and hoping that I was not pregnant from that jerk and if you're not, still kick his ass to the curb , he should have worn protection & you two wouldn't be worried right now ....
This conversation has been closed to further comments
Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 03/19/2013
To all of the people who said nasty , negative things to this woman just remember that this forum is supposed to be SUPPORITIVE! Where do you think it's going to get her baby if you make her feel terrible and depressed? No where I'd the answer. I see so many people that express their opinions in very hurtful ways and that is so unnecessary . A lesson I have learned in life is that when you come from a place of love and support people respond so much better and actually consider what you say and when you make them feel threatened or are mean spirited about your opinion they don't hear a word you say. Ladies if you really want to help people i dont believe in abortion either but please try to not be hurtful, you can have a strong opinion about something but still come from a place of love and respect
Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 03/19/2013
Listen some of the advice on here is a little harsh and while I agree that abortion in wrong I can understand the fear of raising a child alone but you can do it I promise. That little baby inside you has a soul and is a piece of you like no one else. If you decide to go forward with the pregnancy you will look into your little miracles face and thank God he gave you the wisdom to do the right thing. You have all of us to get you through the tough times of parenting so don't feel alone!! I will pray for you and just remember the baby just needs love more than any material objects and if you can provide love you will be a wonderful mommy
Victoria N - posted on 03/19/2013
I dont think it is a good idea my dear! Believe me or not, a baby is the most precious gift one receives! What if this is the only baby you were going to have in your entire life? Pls dont terminate your pregnancy! In my country ( Namibia) where abortion is illegal, a lot of young woman are left with their pregnancies by their parteners who choose to neglet them, but they always find a way to make sure they take good care of their babies! im sure you can do the same, though it is hard yes, but you can raise up your baby on your own. Pls find it in your heart to make peace with your little one, not speaking about your partner, your love for the little one is more then the love for your partner, if he is not ready why did he take you to bed in the first place? Why? Pls my darling, DO NOT DO IT, think about it!
Teresa - posted on 03/18/2013
I agree Liz they should have kept their pants zipped
up but that is the difference between a real woman
and a woman who has not grown up yet . They go out
And do grown up things but don't want to be
Responsible for their actions. It's not hard to get birth
Control or make this guy put on a condom on is it ?
Susan - posted on 03/17/2013
It's amazing how little babies actually need. They need food, basic clothing, and a roof over their heads.
I haven't met anyone who's body was totally messed up after having a baby - and my friend's daughter just had a 13 pound baby at home, with just a midwife.
I'm enjoying motherhood. I have four boys, ages 23, 13 (autistic) and 8 yr old twins, one of whom has ADHD. Wouldn't trade it for anything. Your kids are the one group of people who love you, no matter what. (Til the teen years, anyway!!)
Susan - posted on 03/17/2013
NO, no no no no
Tell your partner to go to blazes. God has entrusted you with a new life. If you kill that life, your relationship will never be the same, You will never be quite sure you can trust him, or trust yourself. That is not a parasite inside you, but a growing, developing baby.
NO PARTNER is worth the killing of an innocent baby.
A - posted on 03/17/2013
Teresa- I have been reading these comments, and unless I missed one- she doesn't say anything about protection at all. You are assuming that they used no protection- where does it say that? Who is to say they didn't use any. For all we know, they used protection and she still got pregnant. Plus, this is all speculation- she isn't (or at the time of the post, wasn't) sure if she was or not- so quit being so judgmental.
Teresa - posted on 03/17/2013
Holly this decision should have been made before
They even slept together. They both are two irresponsible
Individuals about to have a baby. I just hope they both
Learned from this and use protection in the future because I
Know a lot if women and men who have children
All over the damn place and its really a shame
Teresa - posted on 03/17/2013
I think this young lady is going to be sorry that she
Didn't use some type of birth control. She should
Have thought about stds and birth control before
She had sex and I'm not saying have an abortion
But she's really got herself in a mess. I have a son
Who's thirteen years old now and he's just meeting
His father. My husband and I are raising him together
And we've never asked for child support , I just
Didn't want anything yo do with the father at the time
Rida - posted on 03/15/2013
I have a 3months old unplanned lil angel, got married last year with arrangement of my parents and of course my own consent, once I had her first embrace in my arm I was sooooooo like on the top of the world :) up till now no words have been invented to describe this lovely motherhood relation with the angel that I have :)
User - posted on 03/15/2013
Marcella, once you abort this little baby inside you, you cannot undo what has happend. Every year you will wonder all kinds of things about your baby. What he or she would look like. Would he or she be walking, have his or her 1st tooth, etc. My son and his wife have two boys through adoption and are seeking to adopt a girl. If for whatever reason you feel you cannot raise this baby alone, please dear, I beg you, give this precious little soul to a couple who will love him or her with all their hearts. I, am a single mom of 4 grown children and have had custody of 4 grandchildren and will probly end up eventually with permanent custody. One of which her mother went to a abortion clinic to abort her but she was too far along. We charish her dearly. Its not an easy job by no means but id like to ask you to please, carry this baby to term then when he or she is in your arms, decide rather or not to take the child home or place the child with a loving family who would give every and any thing to have him or her. Please keep us posted and kick your so called boy friend to the curb s.t.s.t ! I, wish the very best for you and your baby who may be on the way. You desrve so much better. Ill be thinking of you. Ps. Please check into open adoption. You will be able to choose the babys parents and still have some rights to him or her....good luck!
Margaret - posted on 03/14/2013
Marcella, I sure hope the best for you in spite of this thread. If you decide to keep your little one, will you let us know? I'd like to keep praying for him/her and for your future well-being. You matter, and this baby, if he/she is on the way, does too :) God never ever makes mistakes. And He can redeem anything. In Jesus, MB
Margaret - posted on 03/14/2013
What about Barack Obama? I'm not a fan, however, he is from a broken home. Many many are. We all have a place in determining our own future, our own character and free will. God has made us all noble and with the choice of choosing Him. MB
Nicole - posted on 03/13/2013
i have before . but a man can come and go atleast a baby will hold your hand through every step of the way . you'll regret i promise i just had my son & he's the most amazing thing that has ever happend to me. Just think about it. Dont let him come up with the choice. you as the woman should have the right to decide its your body
Jayme - posted on 03/13/2013
I think you should find out if you actually are pregnant, then you should find out WHY he would want you to terminate. A lot of people say it's 100% a woman's choice, and physically yes it is. But I think morally it should be something that you both agree upon. You have to ask yourself, what will happen if you have conflicting choices. If he's a no person and you're a yes person (in regards to continuing a pregnancy), will your relationship last? Do you want the relationship to last? Are you prepared to have your baby on your own?
I think at the end of the day, you just need to figure out what direction you are both going in. Physically the final choice is yours, you do not need his permission either way, but you also need to prepare yourself mentally for the consequences of whatever choice you make.
You can ask your GP for a list of people who can discuss your options with, look online, there's lots of resources. There's only TWO people whose opinions matter in this circumstances and that is YOU and YOUR PARTNER. Do not let anyone make you feel guilty for whatever choice you make, do NOT make your choice based on what judgement you think you may receive from other people.
Every child should be a wanted one.
I hope everything works out for the best for you.
Jami - posted on 03/12/2013
No one can tell you what is right for you. Until we live your life we can't answer this question for you. This is a decision that you need to think/pray about (or whatever fits with you beliefs) just remember once you get to certain point you can't change your mind. Good luck to you and I hope you make the decision that is best for you!
Britney - posted on 03/12/2013
Do what's in your heart. If you want to keep your baby that is your choice. After all, you have to carry and bond with the baby for nine months and the rest of your child's life. Also, it isn't a matter of money. Its a matter of love for the child. Let him run away if thays what he decides. Just prepare to do it on your own. Women do it all the time. Is it the ideal way to have a child.... No! But it can be done. Besides, I'm sure you have some kind of support system to help you through.
Margaret - posted on 03/12/2013
Marcella, I don't know if you've gone on to keep your baby after this thread unfolded, but the comments on here haven't been all that helpful. I will pray for you, and I hope you DO keep your precious little one. They are so blessed to us moms, they bring us so much joy and so much fulfillment. I never thought I could learn to be so loving and forgiving and full, and less selfish than I was before. God bless you, and your child, may you find that having a baby is the rewarding thing in your life, however it came about and however much or little support you receive. So many men are having a hard time stepping up to the plate in our day and age, post-feminism, and with the technology taking over our lives and keeping men from being the strong fighters they were meant to be....but we don't have to be less strong and godly as a result. We have what it takes to take care of our own babies. MB
Margaret - posted on 03/12/2013
Get help somewhere else than partner. There are places that will support you through a pregnancy if you are keen on taking care of your own baby yourself. There is a group called Carenet that does a great job of helping you, find resources to support yourself and your baby, help with counseling, ultrasounds, linking you with a church group who will help you keep your baby, find supplies for your baby, give you a shower, and just pamper you. This baby is yours, if you are pregnant, and you deserve to give it the best life possible. God is gentle with those who are carrying young, it says so in the Bible, and I've always found His help in my times of needs. Mother of 6, having lost two half-way in pregnancies....many helps have been there for me, and I am so happy I have these little ones. I wouldn't trade a one of them in, even on a bad day :) MB
TRISHA - posted on 03/11/2013
marcella, will you always wonder what your baby could have been if you decide to terminate? will you feel like a piece of you has been taken? i know it may seem hard to think about raising a little one on your own so consider adoption before abortion. i have read some stories about abortion being very painful- both physically and emotionally. there are a lot of people who would love to adopt a newborn. what difference does it make at this point if your partner wants you to terminate. he has to have enough knowledge to know what sex can create. is he that irresponsible or so absentminded to think that a baby cant be created by one time of sex? i dont think you should base your decision on his thinking. he obviously wants no responsibility. i tell myself sometimes-- ok its time to 'woman up' and put on my big girl panties when ihave to do somethin i really have been putting off. this baby is gift from god, maybe not a gift you want to keep but at least you can give to somone who does. good luck lady.
~â¥Little Miss - posted on 03/11/2013
"the girl was in it for just as much as the guy. and the guy was probably under the undertanding the girl was using birth control "
Nice way to put all the responsibility on the women, and give than man an easy excuse. Just lovely.
Listen, if you don't want an abortion, don't have one. No one should try to force you to, or emotionally blackmail you. I mean, what if you have the abortion and the relationship doesn't work anyway??? Then you were forced to abort, you don't have your baby, and this guy is gone anyhow. If he truly loved you, he would not be forcing you to do anything you don't want to.
Liz - posted on 03/11/2013
Unfortunately, you cannot fully terminate a relationship with someone who is a parent to your child. Whether or not you stay as a couple, you're joined to them for the rest of that child's lilfe - or should be, barring some exceptional circumstances that mean that the father is unsafe to be around and has been judged as such by a court).
The child is not a lone parent's child, but the offspring to both of them. No matter how careless anyone may think the conception may have been, once the child is born then everybody has legal and moral rights - the parents to have access to the child and be part of his/her upbringing, the child to have access to both of their parents and have the chance to form a relationship with both of them.
Sure, if the guy wants to be deadbeat, not provide, not visit, not pay any attention to the child that he didn't want, then he deserves for that child to grow up thinking that he's an inadequate father. Even so, nobody but a court can take his parental rights away from him.
Reri26 - posted on 03/11/2013
I would 'terminate' the relationship and keep my child. =). He's not worth it and you could do it w/o his help. If he didn't want to have children, then he should've used a condom or not have sex at all. Hope it works out for you hun. =)
Holly - posted on 02/05/2013
oh jodi i didn't mean to say that she HAS to get an abortion, i just meant that a woman can chose not to take care of this child, she can say, well this isn't what i wanted so i'll terminate the pregnancy... the man should have an out also, he should be able to say, i do not want to have anything to do with this baby... i don't want to see it, i don't want to pay child support, and i don't want to care about it...
what i am saying is, the woman can decide to terminate a pregnancy and not even take into conciderations if the man wanted the baby or not... the men should have EVERY RIGHT to say, well i wasn't ready, and i am not financially ready, i want out....
I didn't say I am okay with women getting abortions. That actually isn't the issue here. The issue is whether a woman should be forced to have one through a mistake made by BOTH people. Why do YOU believe the man should have the greater right to the choice here?
Liz - posted on 02/04/2013
I'm also not okay with it unless it meets certain medical criteria. I am not a fan of the state of play in countries like Ireland, for example, where a woman died recently because the hospital would not abort her fetus.
I most emphatically do not support abortion as a kind of 'late' contraceptive, as I feel that people should keep their pants zipped if they can't take the very easy, accessible and quick steps that are available in order to prevent pregnancy. That said, I do support a woman's right to choose what she does with her own body, even if her choice is something that ultimately I would not do myself and could not myself approve of.
Kelsey - posted on 02/04/2013
He should be held as equally responsible, after all he did have unprotected sex too. It's on him to pay child support. Just as he should. He helped the baby into creation, he should do something to take care of it since she wasn't the only one doing the sideways tango . Whether it's actually fathering baby or taking care of the baby with child support. Maybe this will as a lesson to him to wrap it up. Abortion doesn't solve everything! And he's selfish in thinking that it's a birth control. He apparently doesn't care about her and her wants. Abortion can cause emotional/physical trauma to her. If I was the girl, I would kick him to the curb for being a selfish ass.
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