partners ex cant handle the children any more what do we do?

Rochelle - posted on 03/14/2012 ( 21 moms have responded )

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my partners ex wife is having issues with there youngest son (6) she text us the other night stating she cant handle him any more hes been hitting biting his mum and big sister (8) hes also trying to strangle and push his older sister down the stairs she told us that we have to have him for a month to sort him out...... me and my partner sat down and thought it would be better for us to have the older sister we are in completly diffrent part of the country witch means she will have to leave her school in chch and go to the school here... have we made the write dission or should we have taken the younger brother as the mother was threatening that if we didnt take him that she will put him into welfare.... I hope we talked her out of it but very unsure.

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Stifler's - posted on 03/16/2012

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I would take custody of them both. Threatening to put him in foster care? That's just not good enough. Kids deserve so much better than that.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/16/2012

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While I understand being in a place thats "too small", I agree that you need to take both kids. Taking sister will only make brother think he's bad, its his fault. Taking brother alone will make him maybe feel a little better, but then sister feels left.



If mom is having such a hard time of DISCIPLINE, then you need to get both of them into a better situation. Imagine how that little boy feels! Not only does his mom not want him "I'll turn him over to welfare", but now it seems to him as if his dad doesn't either, if you only take his sister "until you get a bigger place". And that's going to cause more aggression, more acting out.



And counseling is a must. For the kids, and the family as a whole. It sounds like the kid is living a pretty messed up life, if bm doesn't want him, but is happy to keep sis. Poor kid.

Heather - posted on 03/16/2012

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You should offer to take both the 8 year old and 6 year old to figure out the issues that are going on with him and her. Sounds like there are issues at home that she doesn't want to deal with.



She can't put him into welfare. But she can give him up, which means that you might have to take him anyways. I also would let both kids finish out the school year before having them in your home. You should take Both kids, not just one. The 6 year old NEEDS you and his dad and he needs help. He needs you guys to help him or find someone for him to talk to to figure out why he is acting out. I bet it's honestly, somewhat due to his mom's issues, and not his own. It could also have to do with his mom having men in and out of the house, or his step dad, if he has one?



I would take both the 8 and 6 year old, and make her sign over full custody to you both, but she can visit once in a while when she's in the area. Don't make it so that the kids go back and forth between two houses, that's just too difficult. The 8 year old also might not want to come live with you and your husband. Make sure you ask her first, before taking her away from everything she knows.

Kelina - posted on 03/16/2012

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Something that might be for you to look into would be can your landlord legally evict you if you have the kids come and live with you? It's not right for that little girl to have to change schools all the time. It's not a good environment for that little boy to be with a mom who doesn't want him and says she's going to put him into foster care. I'm not sure what the rules are like where you are but I know it's possible where I am. They'd probably approach dad first anyways though and if he still wound up in the system you're going to a) have to jump through major hoops until you can get him back and b) have a very majorly messed up child. Do you have a 3 bedroom place right now? It may be that you're going to have to stop looking for the perfect place and just start looking for one that will work until you can find a better one. Even here in my small town of less than 10 000 you can still find a place to rent. May not be perfect but it'll do. Also if it's the school you're worried about if you need to move out of area see if you can apply for your child to stay at the same school. I really don't recommend sending little man back to his moms. Deal with things as they come, but he's six, he should come first.

Rochelle - posted on 03/16/2012

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the 8 year old has been begging to come live with us for months now we have both children at the moment and the 6 year old goes back to mum nexst saturday.... we have been looking for a bigger place for the last 7 months and cus we live in a small town there is nothing around i dont wanna leave the town as the school is really good for my autistic daughter the 8 year old is really adapatable and we are hopeing that we will get her full time then adventurly get the 6 year old the 8 year old have been to 7 diffrent school since she first started its a difficult situation and hard to explain shes really excited about going to school here and hopeing she will like it alot and beg her mum to stay.

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Audra - posted on 03/19/2012

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If she's threatening to put the boy 'into welfare' I'd SERIOUSLY consider taking him. It's sad that the mother would give up on her son so quickly and just give him away on account of his behavior. There are professionals who can meet with them and help correct bad behavior. He's only 6. What is this mother thinking?? I wonder if it's a safe environment for any child to be in if the mother is so stressed out, etc. that she'd resort to giving her children away over getting them the help they need. I'd be tempted to have her investigated by child protective services just to be certain she's in her right mind...

Tabitha - posted on 03/19/2012

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I agree with some of the others, take them both. Why should they be split up just because she can't handle them. Especially if they act just fine when they are with you guys. Something must be going on in that environment for him to be acting out like that. And what kind of mother says I'll put him in welfare if you don't take him? That's just my opinion. You can make room for both children with some creativity. Good luck.

Terrie - posted on 03/17/2012

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Actually, I would take both of the kids and get some for the little brother. This is just me. The boy is acting out because he needs a father and then she does not know how to deal with him. With parenting classes and counseling for the boy the boy and behavior therapy you can probably have him under control. Having him for a month will only confuse him. If you take him tell her it will be perminent. This of course is only a suggestion. I would not begin to tell someone how to run their life.

Brandy - posted on 03/17/2012

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Please don't let those kids go back to her for even one more minute. I would deffinately get CPS involved and have what the kids are saying documented because it is abuse. The sooner you take them away from that the better out come they have for there future (trust me i know). The good thing about u guys getting custody of them is she will have to pay you child support (I'm assuming you live in the US) so you will have the money that you no longer have to give her but you will also have the money that she is court ordered to give you. Also I would pull out your rent agrement and go over it. Unless it spacificly says only You and Your kids then the land lord can't kick you out, also the media is a great allie for you. Just call your local news station and tell them about it. They should be able to help. But please don't send them back. It sounds like its only a matter of time before something very bad happens!

Rochelle - posted on 03/17/2012

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when he is with us we have no problems at all they are good kids.... hes been saying that all his mum does is yell at him poor little man had a accident in bed the other day and he hid himself and didnt say anything he was affraid that he will get yelled at he is also saying his mum has hit him and locked him in his room and he ended up wetting himself as she wouldnt let him out to go toilet then got told of again for doing that i just dont know what to do we would really like them both but affraid that she will try to say we have kidnaped them(as shes done it before when the dad has gotten the kids before i came along) th we all get on really well..... the prob the kids have is mum is deaf and wear hearing aids so when the kids yell out for her she doesnt always hear so he lashes out to get her attention i told him instead of lashing out why doesnt he go up to mum and lighty tap her on the leg or arm so she has to turn around to look at him so he can talk to her.

Cassandra - posted on 03/16/2012

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I know it is hard being a single mom, because I am one. I can't understand why she can not handle him and why would she want to put him in the system. She need to find out why he is acting out. If she can't deal with him, he is not going to listen to you when his dad is not around. It seems like you have your hands full already. He is already hitting his big sister, how is he going to treat your other two kids. I know those are his kids too, and you will stand behind his decision if he decide to get the kids. But in most homes, the mom is the one cooking cleaning and everything else. What is she going to be during while you are cooking and cleaning helping with homework and all of the above? Then you are all stressed out and don't know what to do! She can get him some help, boys will be boys. Maybe he is going through a phase. But if all else fells get both children if you can, don't split them up or just get the boy, he is the problem!!!!

Kay - posted on 03/16/2012

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If my stepdaughters were in this situation, I would gladly sleep on the floor and give them my bed. I would definitely continue looking for a place that would accommodate both children and your own, and do what you can in the meantime. It is never easy, but the kids are the ones stuck in this through absolutely no fault or choice of their own. Good luck.

Rochelle - posted on 03/16/2012

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at the moment we are in a two and a half beboom house the other room is only bis enough for one bed and draws so we have all three children in one room witch isnt a good thing as my oldest need a good rutean ive also got to look out for my two.... some of his behavier could be involved with the quakes and we have told t he mother that we think hje need to go to a counciler we were going to give it a month and see how things go for him if theres no improvement we will fight for cusady we are in geraldine and alot of chch people are taking our houses my prob woth leaving the earer is the fact i dont drivwe and my partner does funny hours at work so cant drop and pick the kids up at school

Nicola - posted on 03/16/2012

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Has the mother ever thought that his behavior could have something to do with the earthquakes, him acting out could be his way of dealing with it all, he may need some counseling or something to help him deal with it, but I do say the same as the others if you are going to take one you should take both

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My husband was in similar situation when he was a child. In my opinion I think it's best the boy goes to the father as obviously the mom needs help with HIM not the daughter. My husband's sister was a hell raiser and mom sent her off to live with dad. He was really strict with her and when she got back to mom things were better. Same thing with husband but he wasn't as bad. Somethings are better handled with a daddy and it sounds like the son may need some father attention/discipline. Especially if he's doing things like strangling and pushing down stairs, those things are dangerous and should be dealt with.

Kelina - posted on 03/16/2012

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I would say take both kids and talk to your landlord, ask her if you can stay there for a month until you can find a new place. If you have both kids, he shouldn't be paying child support so that should increase your ability to rent a bigger place. however, this should not be a temporary move. If she wants you to take the boy, you take him permanently. Not for a month to "sort him out" as she puts it, until he's old enough to decide otherwise.

Linda - posted on 03/16/2012

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The boy needs counceling and the mother needs to PUT HER FOOT Down and discipline this boy. If the daughter feels making her move is punishing her for her brothers behavior, than it would be best to take the boy, but either way the boy needs to have his butt kicked and needs some counceling.

Rochelle - posted on 03/14/2012

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the problem we have got is our place is much to small and we aint in the right place at this time to have both of them full time we are carrantly looking but theres nothing around and my landlord said to me the other day that if we are to get them full time we wouldn't be able to stay there as it was leased to me and my two children arrgh the nerve of her when she knows we are trying really hard to find a bigger place

Michelle - posted on 03/14/2012

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I would be taking them both leaving the ex with the one that is driving her crazy isn't going to fix anything and only taking them for a month isn't going to help either. Children needs stability

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