Nicole - posted on 12/13/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )
I have been with my partner for over a year, and we recently moved in together a month and a half ago. He has been separated from his Ex for almost 3 years, but they are still in the process of divorcing. They have two children, 6 and 4 yr old boys, who I adore. The 6 year old frequently starts big conversations with me about things like where the universe came from and time travel paradoxes. I love talking to him about this stuff, he is extremely gifted. Recently my partners ex has started an argument about boundaries, because she doesn't want me talking to her kids about that sort of thing (despite the fact that the 6 year old starts these conversations, and in order not to have them I would have to either lie or shut him down when he asked questions). She started the argument loudly in front of the children, but I insisted we step outside (I don't think the children should ever see any of the 3 of us fight). She is mainly upset that I told the 6 year old that he doesn't need to be afraid of Ghosts, because they're not real. He is extremely fearful of being alone, even in the bathroom, and can't make it through a single night in his own bed. When he was two, he told his mom that he thought he saw a ghost, and she has a ghost hunter come over to their house. The ghost hunter told him that there had been a ghost, but now it was gone. She has continued to re-enforce this idea through out his life, despite my partners objections. Now, when he is with us and afraid, my partner and I tell him that there is no proof of the existence of ghosts, so it is no more likely that one will show up then it is that spaghetti will fall from the sky, but he is still frightened. When we spoke the other day, she said I was not respecting her as a mother. I told her that I wouldn't ever say anything to the children that my partner had not OK'ed. She would not let it go, so I then told her that if she wants to tell me how much tv they should watch, when they should be in bed, that they shouldn't have sugar etc, I will be more than happy to oblige. But if she wants me to scare them with ghost stories that I know to be untrue (and that their father doesn't want them hearing), I simply won't do it. Now she is threatening to only allow their father to see them when I am not around, despite the fact that we live together. Can she do that? What can we do about it? Any insights would be helpful. *worth noting that they are not, and have never been a religious family, so it isn't a cultural/god issue in that sense.