People are really Bias on here.... am i wrong?

Rylee - posted on 01/06/2015 ( 12 moms have responded )




I have one post up regarding my oldest son, How to strip a father of his rights. Then, I have another post up about my husband, How he doesnt want to be in his kid life (with another woman he had a one night stand with) but his mom (the grandma) is in the kids life and its nerve racking to me... Well, Everyone is basically saying he needs to grow up and be a man. Yet, The post about my son they are all giving me advice and information on what i can or cant do.
First off, Mothers give up their kids all the time... Its called adoption. But, when the father does it its called being a "dead beat dad", "Sperm donor", "POS", or youll get the common "Do whats right he deserves to know his father". EXCUSE ME? I dont see ANYONE saying this to a woman whi gives there kid up to either just the father or to adoption.
My husband had a kid due to a one night stand, was told it could be his but never once was invited to ONE doctor appointment then was told it was her boyfriends at the time and she was POSITIVE. Yet, the moment she had the baby... my husband was up at the awkward hospital seeing what could be his son or not. He hasnt had any connection with this child the only thing the baby has of my husbands is his DNA.... We have even spent time with the baby.. Yet, its not my kid and its not my decision if hes going to be in my husbands life or not. There is so much more to why hes not in his life but thats sums it up.
I just dont get how my husband can be bashed cause of what MOST* women do to their kid at birth or even farther along. I live in the US and here alot of women AND men raise kids by them selves for whatever reason behind it. Just cause most guys do leave doesnt mean they all do cause of selfishness


Raye - posted on 01/07/2015




I'm a step-mother. I have chosen to marry a man that has custody of his two kids. His ex ended the marriage and decided she didn't want the responsibility of the kids. His ex is not a good woman. She is very selfish and irresponsible. She ignores the kids when they are in her "care". She treats them like servants. She "couldn't make it" to her daughter's birthday party. She makes herself out to be the victim in all situations, even when it's clear that the fault is hers. Yet, my husband and I both have bent over backwards to allow her to attempt to have a relationship with her children. He has given her more visitation days than the courts required. We both agree that it is her right to be in their lives, even though we don't like her or her methods.

She still has choices, as every parent has choices. She chooses to cancel visitation days. She chose to not show up at the birthday party. She chooses to ignore them. And she is starting to learn the consequences of those actions when my step-son refuses to go with her for visitation. My husband's ex's mother talks more to my husband now than she does to her daughter. And still tries to be in her grandkids lives (although she favors my step-daughter). So we have that to deal with, too.

Both parents (and grandparents) have a right to be in their children's lives if they want to be. If one parent (your husband) choses to give up that right, then that's his choice, and you both will have to live with whatever consequences result from that. If one parent (your ex) decides not to give up their rights, and still wants to be in their child's life, then even if you don't like them or agree with their lifestyle, you can't legally keep that parent from their child. You do have two very different situations you're dealing with.

I have felt like you do, when receiving peoples comments on this forum. It's easy to get defensive when people offer their opinions. But it is just their opinions. You can take them or leave them. Just because they don't validate your preconceived ideas or what you wanted/expected to hear, doesn't mean that these are bad people or that their opinions don't hold truth. You may actually be right that we are all biased to some extent, because we are drawing from our own life experiences and that does create something of a bias. But not exactly in the way that you're trying to make it out to be.

Mommabird - posted on 01/06/2015




I dont think anyone on here is biased against men. I think most will agree that both (mothers and fathers) have equal rights to a child. Based on information we are given, we tend to lean our opinion towards what is best(and fair) for the child involved. It really has nothing to do with gender of the parents or which role they are playing in the situation. In ANY situation if one parent is preferred for the child to be raised by, it will be the one who has the childs best interest at heart. Children need people in their lives that love them and want to be in their lives. By all means if a man doesnt want to be in a childs life, Dont! Same goes for a woman. The child is better off having ONE loving parent than One who doesnt love them. We're not saying that women who give up their children for adoption arent being selfish....only the ones who DO it out of Selfishness.
Lastly, here are the most recent updates on statistics....5% of unmarried women put their child up for adoption. 1% of those women are teens. (1/3)15 million American children are raised without a father. 20 million are raised without a mother.

Ev - posted on 01/06/2015




I have to agree with the ladies here, all of them on so many of these measures. Not all women give up their babies all the time in the US. I live here too and the ones I know did not give up their kids and would not for any reasons. But I did tell you what you needed to do to have dad's rights taken away. And I thought about it as the first one to post was unsure of how rights are taken away or stripped....

1) Rights are given up by the parent who does not want them and it goes through the court and a judge has to agree with it. NO ONE can harass or ask a parent to give up the rights to their child/ren just because the other parent does not believe they are good enough to be around those children.

2) Rights are stripped or taken away when there is proof that the parent is a danger to that child by the court.

Those are two ways that I know of about the rights of a parent being taken or given up.

Make sure that the real reason you want to take the rights away is for the right reasons. It just sounds like you just do not want to bother with the father of your son over anything and you hope to do this to make life easier for you. Once you have a child with someone you are stuck with them for the next 18 to 21 years. IN some states they make the parents split college costs if the kids go and it could be allowed for support to 21. Reasons of not liking the other person are not enough to take the rights away.

As for your husband and this child he wants nothing to do with, he should step up and take his responsiblity to heart. That child did not ask to be born into this world. That child is being screwed out of knowing more family because his father wants nothing to do with him. I wish adults would quite thinking of what is hurting them and consider wht they are doing that hurts the kids.

Its not about you or him but the kids!


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Wanda - posted on 01/06/2015




i think that when we don't hear what we want to we get defensive..and perhaps protective of our spouses decisions, whether we agree or not.
My friends daughter tried to end her life just the other day at 13 yrs of age because of her absent dad. That just goes to show how much love gets lost to the child of uncaring parents. He didn't give the child up for adoption..he gave up on the child. Big difference. Not an easy thing for anyone to bear. Instead of looking at statistics of how many children are put up for adoption, perhaps do your research on how this affects children in their may be missing the best experience of your life, just because you don't have your life in order. Take the time to get things done right. Ask for help. Open your minds to what could come for your children and families. Don't wat till it's too late and you miss out on that child only to come back when s/he is a teen and you want them in ur life, only causing the teen trauma..

Amy - posted on 01/06/2015




So because you didn't like the answers in the original post you created a second post talking about the very thing you talked about in the first post. Unlike the other ladies I happen to disagree with them at this point, the boy your husband wants nothing to do with is better off, no child should be around anyone who wishes they didn't exist! There is that better??

Michelle - posted on 01/06/2015




The other ladies have said it all.
Just because you haven't received the answers you wanted doesn't mean we are all bias.
As Jodi has pointed out, the situation with your husband and his other child impacts a lot of people. Why do you want to lie to your children? What happens if by chance (it has happened) that one of your children meet the other child in the future and they fall in love? How are you going to tell them that they are half siblings?

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/06/2015




I'm smh at the assumption that MOST women choose to give their kid up at birth!

"Mothers give up their kids all the time... Its called adoption" All the time? Really?

"dont get how my husband can be bashed cause of what MOST* women do to their kid at birth or even farther along"

I'm from the US as well, and MOST women that I know would rather DIE than give up their kid, unless they've made prior arrangements (surrogacy), or they are not ready to be a parent (VERY RARE).

Jodi - posted on 01/06/2015




Because it is affecting more people than just your husband. It's one thing when a child is adopted out. It's quite another when you are talking about how you hide this child from your children because grandma has a relationship with the child. In this case, your husband's decision is impacting on grandma, yourself (feeling you need to lie to your kids) and your children. If he doesn't want anything to do with the child, that's his choice, but at least be honest about it and pay your child support. Is it selfish? Yes. Does that make him a bad person? Not necessarily, depending on how he handles it.

I don't know how you think people are biased. In both questions, it has been made clear that the mother has a right to child support, the children have a right to relationships with both parents and the father does have rights. Nowhere is there any hypocricy. The two situations are also totally different.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/06/2015




Let me correct you on one thing: Both male and female participants in the act of intercourse have the right to sign away any rights to the child.

However, NEITHER has the right to arbitrarily decide that the other party may or may not do so. In the case of your husband, he CHOSE to sleep with another woman, and he CHOSE to not use protection. Therefore, he was a WILLING PARTICIPANT in the sexual act that created the child who (by very virtue of his existence) causes you and your (now) husband extreme anxiety. Perhaps he should have CHOSEN to use contraceptives, or better yet, NOT to have sex with that woman. Now that he has, and a child has resulted, it is his RESPONSIBILITY to provide for that child, and he (as a responsible adult) should also own up to his 'mistake' and be a father to that child. If he will not, I'd be worried about when he's going to decide that you are the annoying one, and that he doesn't want anything to do with you or the children that you have created with him.

In your son's case, as its been stated, if you have enough proof that your ex is a danger to the child, then by all means, start proceedings to remove his rights. HOWEVER, you made the same choice as your (now) husband. You chose to have a sexual relationship that resulted in a child. If the situation were reversed, would you be willing to surrender your rights simply because the person you slept with has decided that you don't deserve to be a parent?

To me, one is a cheating husband who doesn't want to own up to the fact that he couldn't be an adult and protect both himself and his partner in a sexual encounter, and the other is about a petty woman wanting to strip a man of rights because she considers the child a possession that is all hers.

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