Phone Calls on Visitation Days - Opinions Needed

Chrissyomari - posted on 07/22/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I have a two year old son. He has only seen his father 6 times in two years. Long story. Anyway, it would have been 8 times, but at the last 2 visitations, I was 30 minutes late for one and 15 minutes late for the second one, so he left. He doesn't want me to call him on the phone and he refuses to call me, so there was no way to tell him that I was running late and on my way. I sent an e-mail from my phone, but he said he didn't get it. I don't really understand his logic behind that, but I just want peace in my life and I haven't had a reason to call him, so I haven't addressed it. I wouldn't have a problem with it at all, but for the last 2 visitations, where I was late, he didn't respond to the e-mail on his phone. So, literally when I got to the park, I thought that he just hadn't arrived yet and I waited for over an hour each time.

He thinks that I have been late on purpose, but I am literally raising my son all alone. No family in the state, nothing, which is fine, but since my son started walking I have been consistently late, everywhere. Even work. Luckily, my co-workers and superiors understand and don't really say anything because I always do my work. For me, it's just a small sacrifice until my son is older and/or I get a better hold of being a single mom. Anyway, I told the father that if he wanted to run late just in case I was running behind, then I wouldn't mind (because I have been late to places lately), but that he needed to be available by phone, so I could know what was going on.

But, this weekend opened a whole other can of worms. The reason that he says that he is not around his son is because he can't stand to be in my presence. I didn't feel comfortable leaving the two completely alone until my son was a little older (long story - he didn't want my son to be born and called him a mistake on more than one occasion), so I sit in my car while they visit. Now, that my son is older, I don't mind leaving the two together, but the phone thing is bothering me. I don't want to leave my son if he won't pick up the phone and call me if there is an emergency or if I can't contact him to check on my son. I still call his daycare every now and then to check on him and he's been going there for a year. It just makes me feel better. He is only 2.

This is my question. I'm asking because I know my friends will all take my side and I just want to be fair and reasonable in this situation. I really think that refusing to use the phone on visitation days is completely abnormal, but sometimes I think differently from others, so I just need a "sanity check" from objective mothers who don't know either of us. Anyway, Is it unreasonable to require that when he (the father) is alone with our son that he call me on the phone if there is an emergency and that I be allowed to call him to check on my son?

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Chrissyomari - posted on 07/23/2013

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Thanks Evelyn. I think it's common sense too, but I don't want my negative feelings about the father to cloud my judgement, so I have to check.

We don't have a court order at all. That's another long story.

Ev - posted on 07/22/2013

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Do you have a custody set up via the court and documented? If you do not he is not going to really abide by much. If you do then it says in the custody and visitation that calls are allowed and in the case of an EMERGENCY I would think he would at least call you. You should be allowed to call and check on your kid too. Its common sense.

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