pl z suggest me somethng abt hw 2 tackle lyf nw.........?????

Saima - posted on 05/25/2011 ( 31 moms have responded )

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m a mom of twin grls of 1 n a hlf yr old.........m my lyf z a rollrcoaster ride ever since thy wr born but now as thy r growing older it z gtng mre tough 4 me............i feel lyk crying mst of the tym.............n thn thr r tyms wn i feel tht m nt being a gud mom 4 thm cz at tyms i yell at em n feel so bad abt it..............my husband z mstly nt thr 2 hlp he z bzy wd hz wrk n all n even wn he z at home he gts so mad wn they strt annoying..........wch i tackle the hole day...............i strtd swimming so that i may feel a lil beter cz i luv 2 swim bt ve stopped altogether cz i ve 2 take em along n obviously i cnt swim thn i jst play wd em or askin thm nt 2 go near deep n all it wz a fatigue so i stopped goin.............i really feel so depressed n no i cant afford a maid n thr z no systm of babysitter here...............i seem 2 ve lost the sex drive as well............bcz of the grls v both r usually annoyed wth everythng even wd eachother...................i feel so lost n helpless.............................plzzzzzz suggest me smthng

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Dana - posted on 05/27/2011

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Putting a pre-warning out there. We will be deleting any posts with attacks on the OP's text talk. It serves no purpose. She needs help, not a lecture.



Thank you ~ Dana , WtCoM moderator

Kellie - posted on 05/25/2011

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ok it says:

"I'm a Mom of twin girls, 1.5 years old......My life is a rollercoastrt ever since they were born but now as they are growing older it is getting more tough for me.....I feel like crying most of the time......and then there are times when I feel that i'm not being a good Mom for them because at times I yell at them and feel so bad about it..... my husband is mostly not there to help he is busy with his work and all and even when he is at home he gets so mad when they start annoying.......which I tackle the whole day......I started swimming so that I may feel a little better because I love to swim but i've stopped altogether because i have to take them along and obviously i can't swim then i just play with them or asking them not to go near deep and all it was a fatigue so i stopped going...... i really feel so depressed and no i can't afford a maid and there is no system of babysitter here......i seem to have lost the sex drive as well......because of the girls both are usually annoyed with everything even with each other......i feel so lost and helpless........please suggest me something"

I hope you can help her Kathy.

Kellie - posted on 05/26/2011

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LOL my minds just weird that way! I can answer those odd logic questions with the weird shapes and sequences right that a lot of people (so i've been told) struggle with too.

I think aside from the total text speak (which I've never seen to this degree before), Saima's first language isn't English which is also adding to the confusion.

Jenn - posted on 05/26/2011

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As a Mom of twins, I understand some of your frustration. People who have singletons don't get it - it is HARD! My advice is to keep busy or make a schedule if you like. Go out with friends (with the kids), go to the library, go for walks, do something for YOU when they nap so you can recharge, and just know that it is going to get easier in some ways as they get older. But yeah - reach out to people - it's OK to ask for help too.

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[deleted account]

I like the excercise feel better equation. does help. endorphins. should say the med thing is right for me. not for everyone. (wrote when tired). I do think seeing a dr is a good idea to have an assessment done regardless though. but not everyone needs a prescription. and meds work best anyway when in conjunction with therapy anyway.

oh and getting out...if you can force yourself to do it as much as possible it makes the days so much better (ok...somewhat better) when you can't or just don't have it in you.

btw I give you so much credit for having attempted to swim with them both with you. oen thing that has always bothered me about being on own most of time with them is that I haven't been able to do swim programs with them. they looove the water.

Erin - posted on 05/27/2011

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Lots of great suggestions on here, but one thing that came to mind that I haven't read yet. It sounds like you're a bit on your own. Your husband sounds wrapped up in his world, and you are immersed in toddlerhood. I have a 2.5 year old, and I love him to death, but I was never a "I want to be a MOMMY" type, and wow, it is demanding. I would suggest what you need is support. If your husband is unable to provide it for whatever reason, maybe a couple of close friends, a grandparent, whoever is trustworthy. You could try to work out a schedule for someone to give you childcare relief, once or twice a week, and you can swim, or do what ever it is you love. In general, men are really good at claiming the time and space to do what they need to do, and us moms are on the mode of "ultimate sacrifice" for our children. And not in a good way. Swimming does it for you? Swim. Find a way. Mothers Day Out program, if there is no one else (I know, money, and I am sensitive to that particular roadblock). I know if I had done more of that, I would have been a much more sane mom and wife, and physically healthier, too. And hey, if exercise keeps you from needing a pill, even better, and you get health benefits to boot. Drugs can be a lifesaver, but nothing replaces taking care of yourself. And then you are revitalized to take care of others. And I too, would advocate for a quality childcare program or preschool. It's great, especially for these active years, and they learn SO MUCH these days. My boy's not even 3 and can count, say abc's... etc. It's amazing. And, I get to have a fulfilling career to boot. And talk to adults! about subjects other than Thomas the Train! yay!

[deleted account]

Saima I'm also a mom of twin 1.5 yr olds. yes...it is very very hard! I work in childcare and while that has helped me with some coping skills of 'juggling' them it still is REALLY hard. I also eal with depression and anxiety. I get exactly what you are saying and I agree...seeing a dr is a must. like teresa said, getting them out as much as possible is crucial to getting through the day. it can also be hard with two. I've got a few steps to get down and grab the stroller out of the garage and get them into it without flipping down the stairs (one did slip today as the wood was wet) . the park is hard if it is too big and not fenced in. If alone I'll stick with swings because I don't have to elt them both out of the stroller at the same time but that sucks for them as they do want to and need to run around as well. I recently got a wagon and it helps so much. they love being in it and it is much easier to get them strapped into that than the stroller.

also, not sure how much space yoy have but my latest thing that helps me in the kitchen is a mini water table. I fill it with puffs (not fill but sprinkle) and put cups in so they play with dumping and filling and munch at same time while I'm getting dishes and whatever done. I also keep toys organized in the kitchen for them to play with. I've heard of moms making a special cupboard with stuff the kids can play with be it old pots and pans or real toys.

seriously, when it comes to caring for two at once I am ok. when you throw the depression and anxiety in the mix I can't imagine how I would do it if I didn't have a good psychiatrist and meds.

oh and something I thought is the worst thing in the world is something I am now considering. the back pack 'leash' things for kids. don't know how I will manage when they are a bit older and need to be walking when we go out. will I be embarassed? yup. will I know I can manage and keep them safe. I think so.

hey another thoguht. most areas have a local twin group/club. do a search and see if you can find one for your area. also search the twin groups here. I think you'd be surprised at how many twin moms feel like losing it at some point, no matter how grateful we are to have our children.

Saima - posted on 05/27/2011

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thank you all once again....its amazing n a bit shocking that i already feel so good just by sharing here with you people :))) got some really good ideas.....i should introduce them to a lil colour world i think :))

Wendy - posted on 05/27/2011

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if you can't find a toddler group that you feel comfortable with do u know anyone that would be interested in having a play date with you and your girls? Get them interacting with other children and you may find that they stop beating up on each other, which will get your stress levels down, I don't have twins but there is only 14 months between my 2 boys and my husband is at work all the time however, I do insist that he has the children for an hour every week so I can do an exercise class and have a bit of me time, it is so important that you get that. Also I have found pre-planning the day works wonders! Although playing with your children is important don't feel that you are neglecting them if you are leaving them to play by themselves, it's an important part of learning for them they need to learn to play with each other and on their own, I've recently discovered that my one and a half year old loves painting - a well organised messy day is always fun and it keeps their minds occupied, but if you're fried from all the chaos that it sounds like you're in you need to have a little time out to chill, get someone to watch them just for an afternoon you'll feel loads better.

Amanda - posted on 05/27/2011

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Saima, call your local childrens aid/city (they arent just there to remove abused children, they are also there to help parents out who ask for help), and find out if you can get cheap daycare for your twins a day or two maybe even three a week. You be surpised just how much the city/childrens aid will be more then willing to help you out.

Daycare is great for the twins, as twins can become co dependent on eachother when not exposed to a lot of other children, and you get some mommy time. To do whatever you want with. :0)

Saima - posted on 05/27/2011

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sorry people for the text talk it has been my way ever since college.had to note lectures and this was the only way to do it lol.thank you all so very much for your concern i really do appreciate it and i guess i will have to do something about taking them out alot.thank you all once again it was a relief talking to someone because i am not very expressive and talking to someone about yourself seems one heck of a a job :)

Mel - posted on 05/26/2011

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yeah I agree I know its hard to make the first step but just go to a doctor or even if you have a child health nurse they can reffer you onto someone who can help you

[deleted account]

GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!!!

And no, I'm not yelling at you.... even though I caps talked. I have twin girls that are 9 now and the ONLY way I survived thier toddlerhood was by getting out of the house w/ them EVERY day. I attended every play group and moms group I could find and even started one of my own. On any non playgroup day.... we hit the park. I did that w/ them from 1.5-3 and then they started preschool 5 hours/day, 5 days/week.

It does also sound like you are dealing w/ some depression, so get yourself to a doctor and see about counseling or something. Hang in there!

Oh, and I was only able to answer this post due to Kellie's translation. ;)

Mel - posted on 05/26/2011

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I cant imagine having twins....I dont think Id cope. Mums with twins must be beyond tired

Christy - posted on 05/26/2011

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Saima, JuLeah is right, I believe you are depressed. She is also right about the sugar. My doctor told me sugar is worse than smoking. It's a type of a poison and it does long term damage to the body. You definitely need to see a doctor. It's okay to get meds for your depression. It will help you not to feel down all the time.

As for your girls, have them help you. Get them involved in what you are doing. If you are doing dishes, they can scrub a dirty plate and hand it to you to put in the dish washer, or they can rinse if you're doing them by hand. Yes, it's slower, but then they're not crying and mad at each other. If you're wiping down the kitchen table, give them a rag to wipe the table, too. If they're in the way, tell them they can wipe the finger prints off the walls or windows! They can help you put laundry in the washer and dryer. They can help you scrub bathrooms. I know one and a half is young to put them to work, but they're not "working" they're being little helpers for mommy and they will continue to enjoy the time with you.

Are you a single mom? Could your husband watch the kids while you go swimming? Could you buy a jogging stroller and take the girls with you while you go for walks?

Do you have the girls on a schedule? They should have regular nap time. If you are tired, you should nap, too. If not, then you can clean or do something for yourself. Little kids do require extra time with mommy and twins is even harder. Try getting some tips for what activities are age appropriate for your girls. If you have a schedule it will be easier on you, as well. I'm thinking things like story time, toy time, nap time, movie time, go for a walk, snack time. If you're doing the same types of things every day, the girls will not be so ornery.

As for your sex drive, once you're eating healthier, getting the girls to bed at a good time every day, and exercising, your sex drive will return. It would also help your sex drive if your honey will help around the house and with the twins so you're not so tired at the end of the day.

Just a suggestion, don't use text talk on a forum! But first thing's first. Go to your doctor and get some help!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/26/2011

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Cannot even READ your thread. To much text talk. Please in the future use less texting so people can understand what you are saying. I am sure it is important and I wish you well.

Cara - posted on 05/26/2011

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I agree, get to someone who can really help, it does sound like you have depression symptoms.

As for suggestions to entertainment for your girls, well, I only have one child but when my daughter was one + a half we went for walks nearly every day. I took her in her stroller to all sorts of places. We went to the grocery store, because it was so close to our house. I made it as interactive for her as possible. I'd buy one item that she could examine and play with such as a piece of fruit or a baby safe kitchen utensil. We also went to the playground. After we got there I'd let her out and she would just get out and toddle around and play in the sand or go in the baby swings. Another place we'd go to was the Mall. Depending on which one we went to she'd be in her stroller or in a baby carrier. We'd just walk around and look at stuff and I'd let her pick up things and examine them.

I can't really tell how much activity your girls are getting, but maybe giving them a good physical outlet such as Baby Gym or Mommy + Me swim 'classes' will help with them getting annoyed and beating up on each other?

Mary - posted on 05/26/2011

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Saima, You are showing the symptoms of depression. You need to take care of yourself. Schedule an appointment with your doctor and tell them the same things that you mention here. Don't delay as these symptoms will not improve. Get someone to go with you to your appointment if you do have to take your children. You are worthwhile and deserve to feel better. Having depression is something that can sometimes come with motherhood. Not having an option for your care is not good for you. If you do not feel you are able to make this appointment, talk to your husband and have him make it for you. Take care.

[deleted account]

Saima, it does sound as if you would benefit by talking with someone - perhaps a doctor or nurse or minister?
As JuLeah said, therte may be a problem which can be helped with medication.

There are other ideas - I think it's really important for you to get out of the house often. if you can't take your toddlers swimming, perhaps even a walk to the park (in theri strollers!) would be helpful. Fresh air is good for you and for them.
Is there a playgroup you could join? Is there a local library your children (and you) could visit?
Maybe there is a mum's group. The local library should have information about local groups.

Do try and talk with someone, and all the best.

We're here if you want to talk!

Saima - posted on 05/26/2011

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juleah i am not in a habit of having junk much.....i will try 2 increase my water intake though but 2 stay away from sugar??

Saima - posted on 05/25/2011

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thank you kellie , mel , juleah , & kathy........can u plz help me with suggesting something 2 keep my twins busy......4 hw long cn i play with them?1 hour...2,3.....there has 2 b a limit i mean lol.......but they r alright as long as i am with them the instant i go 2 work in kitchen or something they start crying & making fuss wch dfintly is frustrating specially when they start biting each other.........i ve stopped going to gym & for swimming even because i dont want to neglect them even for a second & obviously i have to take them along & they become fussy wn i ask them not to touch this or not to go there etc etc..........plz tell me hw do you or did you guys kept your children busy when they were or are 1.5yrs old??????i hope whatever i have typed is understandable now :)))

JuLeah - posted on 05/25/2011

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You sound depressed. It is a medical condition and needs to be addressed. For a kid to grow up with a parent that is depressed and untreated is painful and ugly. It slowly kills them, just as it is slowly killing you. Depression can be treated in many ways. Meds, better diet, more sleep (all 3) You need to be getting 9 hr of sleep a night, drinking 1/2 gal of water a day - stay away from sugar, processed foods, and all junk.
See a doctor - depression or not, you need to see a doctor. This is impacting your life and your chidlren. Whatever it is, it can be treated, improved, and you will feel better, so get help.

Kellie - posted on 05/25/2011

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did you not see my translation Mel? the post above yours? That's what her post says.

Mel - posted on 05/25/2011

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can I make a tiny suggestion first? Type so I can understand without getting a headache. I'm not having a go, I can understand some slang but that much really....can you retype that in english please

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