Placement time is split 43/57. How appropriate is it for Mom to call everyday she is with Dad?

JH - posted on 09/10/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My husbands daughter is 11 she just started middle school. Currently she is with Mom Mondays, Thursdays and every other weekend and then with Dad Tuesdays, Wednesdays and every other weekend. She goes back to Moms Sunday late afternoon. So the longest that she doesn't see Mom is about 3 days. We started this schedule when she was 7 and before that it was every other weekend and before that it was just Sundays so we have progressively gotten more time! Now to help with the transition into every other weekend and during the week her Mom would call every night to say hi, how was your day and goodnight. She is now 11 and it seems she is well adjusted to the schedule. Is it appropriate for Mom to still call every night? I am asking more on the level that she hasn't found that best friend yet or good group of friends and am worried that Mom is taking that spot. Rather than chatting with friends she is chatting with Mom. Just seeing if anyone has had a similar experience and would be willing to share! Thanks

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Ev - posted on 09/10/2014

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I have to agree totally with Dove. I understand your concern for her development but she could also have a close relationship with her mother. And calling and talking for up to 30 minutes everyday with either parent is not going to hinder her making friends. If you are so concerned with this talk to her dad about it and see what he says on this. If he thinks there is concern he can then address this to her mother and they can decide the plan of action to take with that be it counseling or what have you. Just be glad that she is close to her mom to want to be calling and talk for a few minutes out of her day with her mom. Most kids this age I might add start going through the stage of being embarrassed about their parents calling them or telling them "I love you" and other things.

Dove - posted on 09/10/2014

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There are 24 hours in a day... I really don't think spending up to 1/48th of that time speaking to her mother would be what is hindering her. I'd be a lot more inclined to think there are other reasons she is not engaging w/ her peers.

JH - posted on 09/10/2014

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Oh I would never say that Mom couldn't call or that the child couldn't call either parent. I am more asking does it seem over the top to call and chat for 15-30 min every day when not much has changed. It is certainly okay for Mom or Dad to call their child at any time I am more speaking from a social development standpoint and if it is impairing her from making those good friends when she relies on only talking to Mom instead of engaging with peers. I understand all kids develop differently especially in a split household but I just remember when I was in 6th grade I was chatting with my friends on the phone, on the computer or riding my bike to their house. She doesn't seem too interested in that and I am wondering if it is because she knows she has her Mom for that.

Dove - posted on 09/10/2014

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The child should have the right to speak to BOTH parents every day of her life if she wants... no matter which house she is at. Of course it's ok for mom to call every day. Just as it's ok for dad to call every day she is at her mom's. Would you like someone telling you that it is not ok for you to talk to YOUR child every day?

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