Please be nice.... I have a step daughter who is 5 years old.

Jessi - posted on 11/12/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Her bio mother lost custody of her because she was a really bad drug addict and gave her 3 month old daughter something that caused her to die from some form of servere allergic reaction. Her mother was not allowed contact for almost 6 months. There was a protective order placed and she was ordered to complete a series of programs before she could see her again. After she did that she was allowed supervised and over time she was given more and more. after two years, she was finally given unsupervised overnight visits and joint custody. Now that she is allowed all of this she has been telling my step daughter she is no longer allowed to call me mom and she is trying to interfere with the things i do with her at school. I have been having a battle with myself because I understand that she wants to be there but i worry about my step daughter as well because her mother has done this before and relapsed. My step daughter has been through so many things beacuse of her mother (sexual abuse, abuse, poor thing has been through just about everything you can think of). I dont know how to handle the situation because i feel i should still protect her but I also know that her mother wants to be there for her as well. what do you suggest I should do?

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[deleted account]

a co-worker of mine was going through the same exact thing. Her now husband's ex ended up deciding during one of their visits it would be a good idea to leave the state with their child. that ended all unsupervised contact with her ever since. she isn't allowed more than 2-3 hours at a time and only when his father or step-mom are around. g-d forbid it gets that bad. but its better to be safe than sorry. its good to have her in counseling. just a way for her to talk freely without feeling like she has to take sides.

[deleted account]

Hi, I work in the mental health system in Reisterstown MD. Its been my experience that the best way to handle these sorts of things is to talk to her father about your concerns. And if you think she's old enough to understand (some 5 year old who have been through so much are a lot more intuitive then others on whats happening and patterns in behavior), you can ask her how she feels about the whole situation. Let her know its OK if she calls you "mom" (or doesn't- either way you want her to be comfortable). I don't know how long you've been her step-mom but it sounds like you pretty much raised her since infancy. I'd try to document how she is acting after visits with her bio mom and what they did/talked about, etc. If things get worse at least then you have some documentation on how this set up is not beneficial for her well-being. I know its stressful and hurtful. Hang in there. Things will turn out how they are supposed to in the end.

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Jessi - posted on 11/12/2013

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When she was getting supervised visits she was actually trying to plan a kidknapping because she lost her rights as a parent and the state was going to take the baby she was pregnant with. I hope it doesn't happen that way and I hope she stays clean for my step daughters sake.

Jessi - posted on 11/12/2013

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Thank you! I have been in her life since she was 2 and I have considered her my own. We have discussed things with her and sadly she understands some things and we have her in intensive counseling at her age but at the same time its just a big mess. I will always be there for her I just don't want the drama that comes with her mom when she doesn't get what she wants. I have tried being friendly and everything but it doesn't work with her... I pray to God that things turn out the way he wants them too. Of course I pray that she comes home when she goes to her moms every other weekend.

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