Please help!!!

Tonya - posted on 05/09/2016 ( 12 moms have responded )

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I'm looking for help. My husband's children were taken into states custody due to actions of his note ex wife. I fight alongside my husband to get his kids back for 5 long years. CPS threw every curve at us the whole way. After 5 years of the kids being in foster care we finally got custody of them. We have had them now for 3 years. They are now 12 and 10. I am looking for advice on how to deal with their behavior. They will not listen to anything we ask. They have put marks on themselves and told us we did it to make us feel guilty when we didn't do anything. Our 12 year steals our 10 year still poops his pants and wets the bed every night. They refuse to listen to anything we say even after three years. Our 12 year old took a pair of her used panties to school in her backpack!!! She hordes things including trash in her bed. We have tried everything we can think of please help!!!?

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Tonya - posted on 05/10/2016

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Thank you so much!!!! I will definitely call them and thank you for the prayers as well. Hugs back

Aster302516 - posted on 05/10/2016

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I’m sorry about your situation and I can understand what you’re going through as a friend of mine has faced some similar challenges with her children. Should you be interested, Focus on the Family has free licensed counselors that you can call at 1-800-A-FAMILY. My friend found speaking to them very helpful. I just said a prayer and I really hope you find the help you’re seeking. Hugs!

Tonya - posted on 05/09/2016

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The kids are on medicaid finally. It's been a battle. They have no learning disabilities per say but our son was held back in first because he just wasn't ready. He was wearing a pull up to school every day and pooping himself every day he's now in second and started the year really well now he's dropping some but we think he's just not catching on as quick. Just a little slow. Our daughter very bright but lacks ambition. She does all her homework but refuses to turn it in. We have talked to the counselors at school and they try to help but we live in a small town so there's not much available. I suffer from seizures so I can't drive to a lot of places so we have to work around my husband's schedule. It's just a mess all the way around. I just keep praying to God to give me guidance and point me where to go

Sarah - posted on 05/09/2016

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How frustrating. I figured CPS may have been out of the picture. What about at the kids school? I know our social worked has some great connections and has hooked low income families up with great therapists for little or no cost through the school. Do the kids have any learning issues or delays? If they qualify for services for any special needs the public school system will provide assistance. You can request an evaluation for behavioral and learning needs thru the Dept of Special Ed. Maybe that can get something started. Do you qualify for Medicaid?

Tonya - posted on 05/09/2016

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They are no longer involved. Have not been for a long while. They washed their hands when the judge ruled basically. My husband has been done with his"parent treatment plan" for almost three years before we got the kids. We got our finger prints done 7 times for CPS we had two home inspections prior. As I said they made us junk through hoop after hoop after hoop to drag it out. A new D.A. came on e case that wouldn't be bullied and brought up the fact that we had done everything a long time prior and the he said there is no case. He went to the judge and the judge dismissed it right there so CPS bailed. We have tried to report the suspected abuse to them and they blow us off they won't listen to anything. We've asked for recommendations on where to look for help but they went help so we are on our own which is why I've decided to ask all the wonderful people here for help

Sarah - posted on 05/09/2016

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If CPS is still involved, and I know its been a while, they can help find the best resources for you. These kids are exhibiting behavior consistent with abuse, and the manipulative actions with therapists are signs of past grooming. I hope you find some answers.

Tonya - posted on 05/09/2016

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They are certified counselors and therapists. They are not just a part of the church. Its a community counseling group that has partnered with our church. We go to a multi site christian church that now has three locations and over 10,000 members. We are looking into getting them into counseling with an actual psychologist instead of jsut a therapist but we were waiting on the whole insurance thing to kick in so we could. We cannot afford a lot out of pocket

Dove - posted on 05/09/2016

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What sort of qualifications do the church counselors have? Are they certified psychologists? As a Christian I'm definitely in favor of church things, but these kids may need more professional help than the church can offer.

Tonya - posted on 05/09/2016

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They have been in counseling through our church. They seem to know how to exactly what people want to hear and when we leave its back to game on. We try to be as understanding and patient as we can. We believe my 10 year old step son was sexually abused but have no SOLID proof. All the foster homes they were in were single women. It appears our daughter the 12 year old was treated like a little princess and our son was the scape goat. We thought after three years of stability and love there would at least SOME change but they like to play games it seems. They will act like typical kids for a couple days and then go right back into this behavior for weeks. They have both screamed at me, thrown things at me and even hit me. Right after I got out of the hospital with blood clots on either side of my heart and doctors told me to take it really easy I had a really bad bout of pain and was crying saying to call an ambulance and they stood there laughing at me. Later claimed they were laughing at my expression then changed their story to laughing at something outside..

Sarah - posted on 05/09/2016

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duplicate post, my comment:
What kind of therapy of counseling have they had in the past and currently? The behavior you describe is classic of kids who have been abused; hoarding and bed-wetting. What does CPS say about the history of the foster care they had?

Tonya - posted on 05/09/2016

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Thats the thing. We have had them in counseling through our church. They know exactly what to say to make people happy. They make the therapists believe they are fine that nothing ever happened and they don't know why they acted out they understand its hurtful and they will stop but then as soon as we leave its game on again. This is why I'm so lost.

Dove - posted on 05/09/2016

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Have they been in therapy for the past 3 years? If not... therapy is the place to start. If so... what do their therapists suggest?

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