Please Help!

S - posted on 06/13/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )




My husband just separated from the military and a couple weeks after being home said that he wants a divorce and is moving back to where he was stationed to resume the life he had there. Long story short, we have been together for 8 years and married for 4. We also have a 2 year old together. Those 4 years he has been in the military. The first year we lived together and that is when we made the decision to start a family and conceived our daughter. When I was 6 months pregnant, he went on deployment and then shortly after he returned was stationed somewhere else for a year and he said that it did not make any sense for either me or our daughter to come to his temporary post. So I moved back home to be closer to our families and get some help in raising our daughter. 8 months ago I found out that he was cheating on me with someone he worked with on his ship, who was also married. I found out that she knew about me and they started hooking up right after our baby was born. She ended up leaving her husband for mine because he was cheating on her as well. While they were at their temporary post instead of sleeping on base, he was sleeping at her apartment. After finding this out, things started to make sense. He barely came to visit (blamed it on his work schedule) and when I would want to bring my daughter to see him, he would say he didn't have the time. They were also talking about building a life together, a life that also included my daughter visiting for the summer and holidays. I did not even know that any of this was going on, let alone them working out a custody agreement when it came to our child. I ended up reporting the affair and that made matters worst. We fought like cats and dogs. He told me wanted a divorce and then officially moved in with her. Her and I got into it a couple of times because she was continuing to cross lines that she shouldn't when it came to certain things. I cried my eyes out for weeks but managed to pull myself together. WE only spoke when it had to do with money (money, he did not want to give me at first) and our daughter. After a couple of months, things calmed down and he told me that he made a mistake and wanted to come home. So I forgave him and told him I was willing to make it work. He moved out of their apartment and started staying with a friend. For the next couple of month, we started to rebuild our relationship, marriage and family. Then it came time for him to come home. When he came home he was actually honorably discharged. He also said that he did not reenlist because he wanted to be apart of our daughters life. Things were good for one day lol, the day after he came home she called him and all hell broke loose. I ended up finding out that he was still sleeping with her. She said it was up until the night he left, he said it was a month before he left, either way he was still sleeping with her. He was also spending most of his nights at her apartment, the apartment he helped her move into when they went back to where they were stationed. I was beyond pissed, and then the excuses came. He was lonely, I wasn't there, he didn't want to sleep on the ship, blah blah blah. He also said that if he wanted to be with her he would not have left the military and came back home. He broke it off with her and told me that he would do anything to make our marriage work. Now here comes the hard part, within the first few weeks he was home, he became abusive and it was always in fron of our daughter. I have never seen this side of him before. We would get into frequent arguments about her and how he wasn't making an effort to be a husband or father. So I told him that its either he make our family work or we go our separate ways. Well, he chose the latter. He told me that he wanted a divorce and was going back to where he was stationed because that is where he will be happy. That is when we got into the argument that caused the most serious of the assaults. The police got involved and that led to court. Its been a few weeks and things have calmed down and he flip flops on whether he really wants a divorce. The problem that I am having is that even after all of this has taken place, why do I still want to be with my husband? Why would I have any hope that this will work? On one hand I want nothing to do with him, on the other I want to save our family. I really do not know how to move on from this situation because I feel like we never really had time as a married couple or as a family? Please help!


~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/13/2013




I have no idea why you would still want to be with him. And you are right, it never really sounded like you had a real marriage or time together as a family. He has cheated on you, lied to you, and beaten you. I really hope that you can see you are not just in a physically abusive relationship, but also an emotionally abusive relationship. Try seeing this from a different perspective. Do you want to set this kind of example for your daughter? To raise her thinking it is ok to be beaten, cheated on and lied to by the men in her life? Get out now while you still can. You taking him back is just enabling him to treat you like this. Take care of you and your daughter, and PLEASE be smart about getting financial support for yourself and your daughter. Get a divorce, and make him pay out the nose.

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