PLEASE HELP ASAP !!!!

Aimee - posted on 09/13/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Ok well I will start off with what she is doing then I will tell you what could be the cause of it...... She is talking to herself any chance she gets but only when she is alone and she thinks I am not listening and she talk's about things from the past that had happened when she was two. She is also getting a really bad temper and her back chatting is getting worse by the day but it seems no matter how I discipline her nothing seems to work, I have tried putting her in the corner (1min for age) then explaining to her why she was there etc, I have also sent her to her room, I have also smacked her on the bottom (but that didn't last long because I can't stand doing it), I have tried to ignore certain things and I have spoken to her in both ways with a firm and deep voice and also nicely (explaining to her what she did wrong etc). Not only that but she's been cutting her hair, she's been doing very strange things like for e.g only recently I was sleeping in the bedroom with my baby and she threw a blanket on the heater and just as I was waking up it lit up and it set fire she picked it up and put it near me and she's been putting scissors, knives and tablets in her sisters cot first thing in the morning. (I know this is not caused by jealousy because she is great with her), its like she turns into another evil child then she snaps out of it when I catch her out in the act and looks really down and sad like she didn't even know why she did it and she's also been having bad dreams, like really bad dreams where she is actually crying and it takes a long time to stop her from crying and settle her again..... That's just some of the things that has been happening ..... Ok, now why I think it is happening is because 2 years ago me and her found my ex hung in his shed as he committed suicide the same day I left him and when I went to go back to the house to collect the rest of our things was when we found him and since that day she's been talking to herself (about things they used to do together) and she's done all the other stuff that I have mentioned above, but also I cant buy her any shoes with shoe laces or have any phone chargers around her or any cords or even buy her a skipping rope because she tries to strangle herself with it. I don't want to take her to see a Councillor or anything because I didn't want it to be brought up which is why I have recently inrolled her in preschool, started giving her swimming lessons and I have put her in a self defense class to keep her mind distracted hoping that all this will just fade away and creating new and good memories in her head. But she's only been at preschool for a few weeks and swimming lessons and self defense classes don't start until next week .... Am i doing the wrong thing ?? And is all this my fault ?? Did I put it upon myself ?? Last year I was in a really bad domestic violent relationship and we haven't stayed anywhere stable for longer then a few months until now ....

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Amanda - posted on 09/13/2013

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All i can say is I'm soo sorry you are going through this....brought tears to my eyes. First of all NO, its not your fault...your daughter has some obvious issues, but they need to be dealt with. She has been through things that no child deserves to go through AT ALL....But i really do think you need to get her into counselling. She has been through too much just to put it all behind her....and no matter what things you do for her they will never be good enough....those things she has seen, heard, etc...that is what will stay with her FOREVER unless she gets professional help. I'm only saying this because i know someone who was molested as a child by her uncle, and never got counselling for it, and she is now a young adult, and she is really messed up. She is confused, getting into drugs, drinking alot, whatever she can do to try and get that off her mind...but it wont, not until she gets the help she really needs on how to over come this. I know another person molested as a child, who got counselling and they are dealing with it better then i could ever imagine. Sometimes things are just out of our hands and there isn't anything we can do to help. That is why there are people out there that have dealt with these sort of things, and have the training. And you said that you were in a domestic violent relationship a year ago....if he at all did anything to her, then it's going to haunt her as well....I'm a grown women, and was married for 5 years, and dated 3 years before that and he was very abusive....it has now been 5 years that i have been away from it, and it still haunts me.....so i did go and get counselling for it.....and i do find in some aspects it helped me. Sure i have my moments, but if an adult has a hard time trying to deal with it, of course a child is going to be much worse, because they don't know what is going on in their minds. The are confused. I also really suggest not getting into another relationship for a while.....try and work on your daughter and getting her stable, focus totally on her....and being as you have another child involved YOU NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT RIGHT AWAY!!! PLEASE!!!

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