Please Help! I don't have anyone I can trust!

Wyndhambuysell - posted on 02/18/2016 ( 2 moms have responded )




So to make a long story shortish, I moved here almost 6-7 years ago as young 30 soething year old young energized mom and I came to my planned community with an open mind and open heart. I had just quit my full time job and was so happy to be home with my kids and meet other moms that were stay at home moms like me. As soon as I moved here a lady latched onto me immediately and I thought it was so great to have an instant "best friend". Things were great until I started socializing with others. My husband and I are very social and began having bbq's to meet other neighbors and I noticed my "best friend" stopped speaking to me as often but started hanging out with the ladys in the neighborhood and not including me. Lady's she'd known for several years prior to me moving in and hadn't socialized with? Anyway I was hurt but decided to cut my losses and move on.

I joined a local moms group that none of them were members of and found a group of ladies that welcomed me with open arms especially the leader of the group. (I should have known better) I was so happy to have some friends again and playdates for my kids that it didn't bother me at first when the leader of the group was very controlling about what I did in the group. We all had roles to help run the group and she was Very specific with me and made me feel like my role (as craft parent!) could under no circumstances be "messed up". I took it very seriously but as time went on the wise cracks and snide remarks she made to me especially publically really rubbed me the wrong way. I finally confronted her after she held up my shoes at a moms group nail event and asked "who's slut shoes are these?" knowing they were my shoes of course. She said I was being too over sensitive! Just like he last woman she made plans with all of my new friends and excluded me except this time I fought for those friendships and didn't just walk away and have kept most of them except the one that I thought was my closest friend! She also was very controlling about me having ideas outside of her. She tried to get me to cancel my community Caroling night that I planned and I refused (nail in the coffin for me) I (mistakenly) told her I was starting a Special Needs group and she posted a week later on our moms group that she thought we should start a Special Need Group! I had already booked the space and speakers and said so publicly and said I would love for you to help out but I already told you about this. She pretended not to remember and wished me well and never came to a single meeting! I then started an online community forum group as we didn't have one and she started one in her neighborhood on her street! So then my husband brings a new colleague to his company who really needed a job and I did everything I could to make his wife feel comfortable and brought them to our home and convinced them to live in our neighborhood (DO NOT MOVE your colleagues to your neighborhood!) Right around that time I found out I was pregnant. All of my girlfriends were very supportive (except for the one moms group leader) and told me they'd be throwing me a shower and were so sweet about it (was unplanned and unexpected!) So a few weeks into the pregnancy my husbands colleagues wife wants to meet with me to discuss why things were so tense with us?! She had been hanging out with the Moms Group leader frequently and of course I wasn't included. In hindsight I should have been a little more open minded but I was fed up with all the antics and wanted to focus on my pregnancy. I told the lady that I didn't know what she was talking about and that I wished her well but I didn't' think she should be getting involved in drama as soon as she moved to town. I just wanted to focus on my baby.

From that day on my neighborhood became a battleground. They removed me from the moms club that i'd been a part of for almost 5 years (I was readded by another administrator) She and my other 'friends' stopped speaking to me and posted on FB events that they and the new lady (husbands colleagues wife) did together on a regular basis. I knew it was silly and childish but it still hurt a lot. So I spent my pregnancy feeling very alone and very sad. Then the baby came and things were much better. I had made a few other friends and we were just filled with joy with the baby in the house. The ladies would try to do things from time to time to be hurtful but I just ignored it. My community group became huge unexpectedly and that took up a lot of my time too! Everything was great until right before Christmas another community group exact replica of mine was created and mean and untrue things were posted about me regularly for the first few week of the new group! And guess who was one of the main "silent" supporters and creators of the group! The lady from Moms group! Then at a PTA meeting in January I mentioned a fundraising activity on my group (all the schools including mine advertise their events on my group) and I was quickly cut off by the PTA president (Moms group best friend) which I thought was a little strange but thought nothing of it until the next day when I received an email from a concerned parent who was a part of a mass email that a teacher (from the PTA meeting) had sent out saying PTA president made fun of me after I left and said she "showed me not to brag about my group?!" I can't even begin to understand how a teacher cant see how unethical it is to talk about a parent publicly like that but I decided to let it go because I don't want more negativity. The PTA president then chastised me publicly at the next meeting saying if I had anything to mention that wasn't on the agenda to always run it by her first! The whole meeting is a brainstorming session but only I was being singled out. I was embarrassed and left the meeting but I feel like i'm living in the Twilight Bully Zone

I feel like even though I love my home and my kids go to a pretty good school, maybe I should move and start over. I'm very serious about this move. I'm 40 now and know better than to put myself out there so much. I don't want to uproot my kids but they know about the stress and drama and I don't want them thinking this is normal. This woman is also VERY good at what she does and I can't seem to shake her. She has made it her mission to hurt me and is somehow succeeding and it's been years and I'm tired. Should I move?


Dove - posted on 02/19/2016




What the heck?! I think someone forgot to tell these 'ladies' that Junior High ended a long time ago.

Ignore the drama 100% and just focus on yourself, your family, and if you still have that community group... that.

Raye - posted on 02/19/2016




Tell them that they can call you whatever names they want, but that it reflects more on what kind of person they are than who you are. And you don't want any involvement with them if they continue to act like children instead of being adults. They are bad role models, and you refuse to be brought into their drama, so it doesn't matter what they do. You're living your life just fine, thank you very much, and will continue to do so despite their efforts to sabotage you. Don't let them eat at you. Hold your head high and keep being a good mom that your kids can admire.


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