please help i have a four year old chlid who refuses to follow instruction

Brenda Belfon - posted on 11/15/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )




How do I deal with a four year old who refuses to carry out instruction? he would just stare you down.


Ariana - posted on 11/15/2012




What are you asking him to do? Is the request necessary? Unfortunately things tend to be a bit situational.

If possible go with the 'once you've done this, you can do that.' So once you've picked up your toys, you can watch tv/go to the park/paint a picture/have a snack(not meals/water that shouldn't be conditional but treats aren't). If he refuses to do what you want just walk away. Eventually he will want to do something, play with something, go somewhere, and you can say oh yes, once you've done this.

If it's something he needs to do immediately, or he's doing something he shouldn't and you've told him to stop, you can give a consequence or time-out. So if he's throwing toys and you say stop you can tell him, any toys thrown get taken away because we don't treat toys like that. If he's doing some other behavior he shouldn't you can give him a time-out.

The thing about time-outs is that it should only be for each minute of his age and you have to keep yourself from talking/paying attention to him. So even if he yells or tries to leave you should avoid eye contact, go over, and bring him back. A lot of people say time-out is ineffective but a lot of times it's being done wrong or in a way that just gives negative attention.

I've also done where I've had my son sit down in a spot until he's ready to do what I asked. So it's not a time-out but just me saying well if you can sit over there until you're ready to listen. I would only do this with certain requests, things he really has to do.

Try to limit making requests that are unnecessary, sort of a pick your battles thing. That way when you DO request something you will be ready to follow through.

It helps sometimes to have a plan for a specific request/behavior. So if he generally refuses to pick up his toys have a plan for that specific behavior, if he refuses to brush his teeth a plan needs to be made for that specific behavior. It tends to work better than a general 'needs to listen' plan.

If you can give more info on what he's refuses to do or how he's acting better advice might be given.

Anyway I hope things work out.

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