Please help me

Emma - posted on 05/12/2013 ( 28 moms have responded )

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I have had severe health anxiety in the past and have now seemed to have transferred it about my daughter who is 3 months old. I know deep down that she's okay big I can't stop stressing about her health all the time. The other night she was doing this weird thing by lifting up her legs periodically and her head so like a mini spasm. She didn't cry but her face went very red while she was doing it. I googled this and of course came across the most horrific site about Infantile spasms. I got myself into such a state that my poor husband took me to the emergency room in the end to see a paediatrician. The baby doctor was lovely and spent about an hour explaining to us that she was a healthy happy baby and it was constipation and colic which can make them have these spasms. We filmed them as well and he explained it was completely different to what the other type if spasms were. We got home and I literally cried the whole day,my poor hubby had to take her all day only giving her to me when she needed to be fed. Whenever she was near me I was just looking for all these symptoms. She moved her head to the side. Couple of times and I completely freaked out. I just need help now, I can't go on like this. I just want to enjoy my daughter and begging a mom and instead I'm just thinking what if they missed something, what if it's this awful thing?? Why can't I just get over this and trust the doctors? Sorry for the long post, just really need some help. Thanks

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Nikki - posted on 05/17/2013

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Emma, my name is nikki, i have a 3 year old son, and i have a very bad past and horrible childhood, which has caused me to have some anxiety issues but i didn't really notice them until i had my son. Once i had him i started freaking out about everything!! I was having panic attacks, and feeling like out of control.... I finally decided i had to figure out what was wrong with me(for my sons sake) well i have been diagnosed with ptsd, severe anxiety, separation anxiety, and quite a few more things, i am not able to work because I cannot trust anyone with my son, i have fears someone will hurt him in some way., or kidnap him, or just not pay any attention to him and lose him etc, but Since i have started seeing a therapist, and many meds, I have been able to leave him with a select few people a who i know would never hurt him only 3 people so far... But it is very hard. I had alot of traumatic things happen in my childhood and i will never let any of those things happen to my child, but my advice to you is just talk to a therapist, or social worker that is trained in talk therapy, and brain development, it has helped me tremendously!! And just talking with someone who understands will help you feel more in control instead of people who dont understand and pretty much make you feel like your crazy lol your not crazy there could be a very good reason you are so anxious and having someone help you figure out why you are so anxious is the first step to feeling better and being the bedt mom you can be!! Hope this helps

Kelly - posted on 05/17/2013

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I am so sorry about your anxiety, I know how crippling it can be. Please talk to your doctor about postpartum depression, I met many moms who had it manifest with extreme anxiety. I had that plus more. Don't be afraid to get treated or take meds if needed. Take care of yourself because that is what makes a happy healthy baby. Do you have family or friends that can become a suport team? Also remember the hormones and lack of sleep will make everything worse. You are also a normal momma that worries about their baby. My advice is not to WebMD everything and throw out books for awhile, they made me panic. Call your pediatrician for questions or ask your husband to look up things. Keep in mind your pediatrician has seen many babies and knows more about conditions than our WebMD experience. It's really hard right now when our babies can't tell us what they are feeling, but hang in there and best of wishes.

Jordana - posted on 05/12/2013

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Emma, naturally I cannot report on the health condition of your baby, but as a mother of three, having spent most of that experience alone....you might be a bit sleep deprived and missing some nutrients yourself. Your health and well-being are vital to your baby's health and well-being. I've been in your shoes, obsessing over the slightest event and the neurosis does get 'picked-up' by your child eventually. I'v seen lots of moms and it helps to be relaxed, especially when something (God forbid) serious happens. So what I can offer now is..."when in doubt...choose to be relaxed before deducing anything." Also: "what you think about you bring about." So choose to think about the best scenario for your child first. Breath....get some help with your baby so you can really sleep, exercise (helps with stress and hormone balancing) and eat lots of raw fruits & veggies. You might want to pop a magnesium supplement...google that mineral. Most people are missing it and it can be key to a lot.
Hope that helps. Keep reaching out for help when you need it. Bravo. Best wishes, Jordana

Mary - posted on 05/15/2013

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Hi Emma..i feel for you. I have had GAD and health anxieties since a child too. Didn't realize how much it would affect me when I had my daughter..it sure gets worse! I have diagnosed her (wrongly) with numerous terrible illnesses.through her childhood and would always panic when she vomitted- even now. Esp if she gets sick at night- somehow that is scarier. Had been to ED with her like yourself.
So i ended up getting help from a Psychologist- and taking a low dose of anti- anxiety anti depressant. Still take it to help me sleep.
As the others have said- anything to help you relax more and enjoy your baby. I wish i had worried less- my daughter is certainly a bit hypervigilant like me. I pray that she doesn't get panic attacks ever as they are just hellish- thought of course i am very scared she will.
I know you know this... but googling illnesses is not a good thing for us!!
I do knowoo exactly what you mean about worrying that the doctors might miss something. My daughter nearly fainted at school years ago and i started thinking she might have a cardiac problem- i wanted my GP to give her a ECG. He didn't want her to get obsessed like me and got me to hold off. i still worry a bit about that thing...
We know we think the worst and that we should use CBT to calm down but its too hard when you are in the grip of a perceived trauma! Sorry i am not helping but i do know what its like. I hope you can get some of the right support for your anxiety- best of luck :).

Marissa - posted on 05/19/2013

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I have seen moms turn their kids into, paranoid, germaphobes. If you project you fears onto your children then they will have a verry hard time later in life. If you remind yourself every time you feel anxiety bubbling up take a deep breath and talk to your hubby. He will be your gage on if you need to go to the doc. It will be hard to work into this habit but it will be worth it for your daughter's sake.

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Monica - posted on 05/21/2013

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instead of meds there are supplements and herbs you can take for anxiety and foods to eat, just need to do some research.
here are few supplements:
Theanine w/Relura
DLPA
B-Complex, B-12, some extra B-6, magnesium w/calcium, selenium, zinc, St John's Wart, Same. Camomile tea, lavender tea.
do some research, you will find more...God Bless...

Monica - posted on 05/21/2013

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if she gets constipation, once she gets to be about 6 months, you can give her probiotics and chia seed. you should take this yourself since you are breastfeeding, it will go thru to her.
STOP stressing, you don't want to teach her that. maybe get some professional help, therapist.

Nikki - posted on 05/17/2013

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I know how hard these feelings can be, if you need help or have questions my email is nikkimatusovic@yahoo.com, even if you just need to talk send me an email and i will help anyway i can, cuz i know what you are going through and know what to expect

Mary - posted on 05/17/2013

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hi there just responding to Jean's post on this thread re Q96. Was just doing a bit of reading on it as would love to find something natural to combat GAD. It just looks like a multivitamin- wondering what is special about it?

Melanie - posted on 05/17/2013

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Hi Emma, the first thing to understand is that what you are going through is totally normal!!!! Many women go through post partum depression and anxiety, including myself... it is very scary and debilitating. But remember what you have just been through- pregnancy, labor, new mommy issues- it is ALL perfectly normal. Our hormones get thrown for a loop and we become emotional, needy and paranoid. Try not to use the internet as a medical source- it will drive you crazy!! Your pediatrician is there for you- if you have a concern, don't hesitate to call or make an appointment. Trust me, you are not the first over protective mom that they have seen in their office! Some people need medications temporarily to help calm the irrational thinking, some turn to therapy- don't underestimate the power of speaking to someone!! Sleep is obviously hard to get during this stage of your baby's life, but rest when you can. Sleep deprivation can make people delirious. Remember that the laundry can wait, you seem like you have a loving hubby- let him know when you need a break. Sleep when the baby is sleeping. Trust me- you will get through this. My children are 8 and 5 now and I still worry a lot, but it is no longer keeping me from enjoying them and life. We will worry about our children for the rest of their lives-- the joy of being a parent! Stay strong!!

Jean - posted on 05/17/2013

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My friend and her child have GAD and they are going off drugs that didn't work for them and changed to a natural supplement Q96 EmpowerPlus ( http://qfamily.info) its safe for all ages (even under 2) and its safe for breastfeeding. They have a support line that you can call and talk to trained individuals about taking it. It might be worth exploring...there is a tonne of research on it and there are no side effects. Hope you can find something for you and your baby :) Hugs

Jackie - posted on 05/17/2013

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It sounds like you may want to have a family meeting and address the importance of your daughter viewing you as her mother and listening to you as her mom. You can let everyone know you love and appreciate all their help while you live there. It might help to ask them to address your daughter and refer to you as her "mom" and "Nana" as the grandmother. Also tell them your daughter is so blessed to have so many aunts and family members that love her.

Never say you are " just the cleaner and money provider for your daughter." You are doing important work by earning a living for your child. that is a powerful model for your daughter in time to come.

Also, poke around and learn more about Circle of Moms and how to post correctly. Your daughter is 2 1/2 now, you are going to need the rest of us moms as she grows.

I am glad you posted your issue here rather than losing your temper at your family. :)

Lyndsey - posted on 05/16/2013

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Hi! I dont know how to compose my own problem so excuse me for writing it here. i have a 2 and a half year old girl. we live with my parents and 4 sisters. i work also. Her dad walked away when she was 1 so hes not in the equation at all. thing is, everything i seem to do is wrong. my mother takes over everything.my daughter listens to her rather than me. even the other day i got "your not my mammy, nana is". this really put me down alot. anytime i ask her to do anything its straight into a tantrum with her. i have tried keeping calm and asking things in a roundabout way but still i get nothing out of her. im at my wits end and sometimes feel like everyone would be better off if i just left. im just the cleaner and money provider for my daughter and im sick of feeling this way.

Jackie - posted on 05/15/2013

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Is it possible you have postpartum issues? Look into this, the sooner the better.

Hayley - posted on 05/15/2013

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Yes my whole pregnancy I thought my baby would b taken off me! Bit now I no I'm a good mum and docs c it as a good thing to reach out its a prob suffering in silence x

Joanna - posted on 05/15/2013

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I think that you are helping by letting her know she's not alone. That is important, and not just from someone who means well but someone who can empathise.

Bethany - posted on 05/15/2013

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I only found this site because I was googling things and it kept coming up with answers on here! So glad I found it and thank you makes me feel better knowing that its nit just me that does these things! I just don't want to feel like a bad mum or get judged if I ask for medication did you feel like that at all?

Hayley - posted on 05/15/2013

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Just a thought when my son first got an illness I was a wreck and I'd suggest actually google ing about y a baby gets a fever it is actually a healthy thing it proves the baby immune system is doing its job and protecting ur baby against foreign bodies also colds r immune building so I no it's hard welcome the odd cold google it i felt do much better when I had that knowledge

Hayley - posted on 05/15/2013

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Yes ask ur doc about them I have had anxiety since I was 16 I'm 32 now and tried many did ones but this one was the best by far! It makes u miserable in the end and I feel so drained constantly thinking in such an in depth way all the time I worry about the things I can't see which are not naked to the eye like germs etc etc just try to relax more i no when I try to nap with bsby and eat well and get adult conversation it does improve a lot I can get in this little bubble and its just me and my baby no one else and this is when it gets worse

Bethany - posted on 05/15/2013

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I'm like that with the holding her she's got a cold at the minute and I won't let anyone have her I keep her in blankets and I've got the thermometer out constantly. She's 3months tomorrow, do you get the tablets from the doctor?

Hayley - posted on 05/15/2013

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Hi there yes the medication I was on was called citalopram it took it away totally. I worry about the lead In the paint work even the carbon monoxide when I'm walking with the pushchair down a busy road it's ridiculous every week I have like a new obsession which j google constant cry and freak about. How old is ur baby? As mine is over a year now and it's just hot worse and worse i don't like anyone touching him unless they wash there hands even then I don't like it and he is one now!!

Bethany - posted on 05/15/2013

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I'm exactly the same!! Especially with google, it's become a standard joke with my daughters doctor hell say as we're leaving see you next week! I can't help myself I'm so scared about cot death I check on her constantly, so glad I'm not the only mum to so this, she's such a happy little baby aswell always smiling sleeps well eats well its just my head. Is there medication you can get?

Joanna - posted on 05/14/2013

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Being aware is great, knowledge is fantastic but anxiety and panic attacks need to be addressed so you can enjoy your baby. You said you need help. Don't ignore that. It may take some time to feel 'normal' but professional advice is the way to go.

Hayley - posted on 05/14/2013

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Thanks for ur reply because my baby had an allergy to porridge at four months it's made me obsessive about everything is going to harm my bsby he is nearly 13 months and had no allergy since so think it was a one off I'm worried he will have a reaction to the mmr as I am so obsessive with cleanliness I worry his immune system is not as strong as it should be. Could I be too clean ?

Lisa - posted on 05/14/2013

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Hello, I am the mother of five children and a preschool director. I have seen every thing that children can catch and hear even more from other parents at school. The important key is to trust yourself with your baby and relax. As a parent for the first time i always worried and looked up every problem that my baby had or what i thought she had and in the end it was fine. Enjoy your baby as babies grow up so fast and they change so much month from month. Eat well, sleep and nap,try to eat well and talk to your doctor and your babies doctor about your concerns.

Hayley - posted on 05/14/2013

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I'm exactly the same thank god I'm not alone and totally wierd! I am constantly google ing about dig stuff every day I am dreading albies mmr which is next week stuff I have read. I am breast feeding still so can't take sny medication for it I even got anxiety around my own daughter it's been horrendous. There is medication u can take which helps a lot as soon as baby weaned off breast after mmr I'm going on meds

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