PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!

Tera - posted on 07/09/2014 ( 13 moms have responded )

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Would it be right to keep my unborn child away from it's auntie on it's dad's side. She said she didn't care if she didn't have to see my baby and I want to grant her wish so she could NEVER be around my baby. She also threatened me while I'm still pregnant and I left her brother because although he claimed he loved me he let his sister totally disrespect me and defended her actions.

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Kristina - posted on 07/10/2014

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Unfortunately I go through this all the time, not as often lately. My ex's family hated me from day one. After my son was born they only tolerated me so that they could see the baby, mind you his parents are divorced so I had to deal with DOUBLE the bullsh*t! After my ex and I finally separated, I dealt with threats, rude comments...I even had his step mother telling the entire family I drugged my son with sleeping medication because I didn't like to hear him crying at night, would drop him off at their house and dissapear for weeks...meanwhile my child spends the night at this womans house by request!! My his family ex never stood up to his family to defend me.That was the last straw for me because at that moment I realized these people could cause me to lose my only child..I shut it down immediately...they are no longer allowed to see my son EVER AGAIN. I went back and forth with myself because I know there is a huge possibility he will want to connect with them in the future, but right now, while I still have control he wont know them, speak to them or see them. When he's old enough to make his own choices I wont hold him back, but I wont lie to him either. If you think your saftey and the saftey of your child is at risk...YOU'RE THE MOTHER, you know what's best for your little one, no one else, none of these people. When your baby is older if he/she makes the decision to want to know them, deal with it then. For now just keep being a good mom and enjoy every moment.

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Jacqueline - posted on 07/11/2014

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Please, I was not expecting such a firm response just because you perhaps disagreed with the opinionated advice I offered?
I really don't think you read my post correctly, you couldn't possibly have misunderstand more!
Why would I suggest a way to get rid of the babies auntie if I was DEFENDING the babies auntie?
That just doesn't make any sense whatsoever!
Just reread what I (and all the other mothers who you accused of being against you) have posted - you may get a nasty, embarrassing surprise at all the mistakes you have made.
I just thought I'd make you aware - I didn't mean to be rude if I was.
Anyway, despite the constant false accusations you are thoughtlessly throwing about, let there be peacefulness (and advise that you finally "approve" of) to fall upon you.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/10/2014

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Your feelings and what is legal are two different things. If you have solid, incontrovertible proof of threats against your soon to be born child, you can have an attorney request a restraining order, but you cannot enforce that order when the child is with their biological father.

You cannot keep the child from the biological father, legally, because you do not have the right to make that determination and disallow a relationship between a parent and child.

If you feel that your proof is solid, get an attorney and file the order. However, you need to understand that the child's biological father has just as much right as you do to be involved in the child's life, and if you actively discourage the relationship, do not allow access, etc, you stand to lose custody of your child and be demoted to visitation status.

Get an attorney, get paternity established. Get custody/visitation/support worked out legally. If your proof is good enough, have your attorney request a restraining order. If it is not (or if you have retaliated against her in any way, shape, or form), your restraining order request will be laughed out of court.

Jodi - posted on 07/10/2014

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Tera, I'm not defending her. But believe me, if you go into the court system over this, you are going to cop exactly the grilling I have given you and have the same questions asked. In a MUCH harsher way AND exposing anything YOU have retaliated with in a light that won't be pretty. I am trying to tell you there is a difference between what you want and what the law says. Be very, very sure you want to embark on this legal battle, because it won't be pretty, win or lose. I do understand you want to protect your child, but you need to understand that the law does not take your "feelings" into consideration. Hard evidence is what they want to see, they don't care how you "feel". So sorry if that seems harsh, but that's the facts.

Tera - posted on 07/10/2014

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Thanks but I have tried to talk to him and showed him proof. He still defended her so it let's me know he's just as much of an idiot as her

Tera - posted on 07/10/2014

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I kinda understand what you're saying but he doesn't care because yes I did tell him. And he thought it was in her rights to say that kind of stuff and even defended her. It sounds to me like you're defending her too. I am trying to protect my child and if you don't understand that then please keep your comments to yourself

Jacqueline - posted on 07/10/2014

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Without trying to be nasty or offensive (I'm sick of all the mothers' comments being so rude and careless these days if you know what I mean) I personally think you're making things a bit too complicated in such a simple yet dangerous situation you're in right now. The solution to this sticky situation you are in right now is: Communication. Yes, communication. Just talk things out with your husband. Inform him of your concerns, but then assure him that you are aware of her/his freedom. Then you can work something out with him in the casual, easy way. And if your husband is so careless and uncaring towards your daughter/son as to ignore all your pleas for her/his safety, even after he understands that his sister is dangerous from the evidence you have shown him, then you know that he is not the right guy you want to be your baby's father. But, for the moment, just communicate with him and see where that takes you.

Jodi - posted on 07/10/2014

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It isn't a question of whether you want her near your baby. It's about what the law allows, I think that's what you are missing. Certainly if she has threatened to kill your child, then that's different. If you have proof of that, and can get a restraining order for your child, then the law may prevent her from coming near your child, no matter who your child is with. But your baby's father will have to be on board with it to, otherwise he may allow it without your knowledge and you really can't control that. Yes, she'd be breaching the order, but if you didn't know, there wouldn't be anything you could do about it. How much communication have you had with him about it. You haven't mentioned him at all.

Let me add that her threats to you are irrelevant to your child's situation, only the threats toward your child.

Tera - posted on 07/10/2014

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I have plenty of proof, text messages, facebook messages, personal threats to cause me and my child harm. She specifically said she would KILL my baby so yes I don't want her to be around my child.

Jodi - posted on 07/10/2014

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I'm sorry, I don't think you are quite understanding. This isn't about you. It is about your child's rights. Your child does not belong to you, your child is not a possession. Your child has a father. I am assuming he has access to his child? Well, you cannot control who the child sees when with him. You also have no right to withhold your child from him either. You don't have those rights.

A restraining order is only for if she is harassing or causing you or your child harm. You are not going to be granted a restraining order simply based on the fact she has upset you over something. Unless you have clear evidence that she is a danger to your child, you are honestly kidding yourself. Your say so doesn't count.

And to be honest, unless you can elaborate on what she has actually done to your child, you are not going to get any other response. That's the law.

Tera - posted on 07/10/2014

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I didn't know any of my dad's family members until I was grown. I didn't care about seeing them because they didn't want to see me. I did nothing to this broad and yes I do want to keep her away from my child because just because it's mine she will try and cause harm to my child. (I've seen her lock her 10 year old niece out of the house in the bitter cold) I've already filed a restraining order against her for me and my baby because it IS a safety issue. My child doesn't need that kind of negative influence.

Jodi - posted on 07/10/2014

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Well, you can't control what dad does with the baby in his time, as long as he is not putting her in danger. This doesn't seem like a safety issue, so no, you can't dictate to dad who the child sees on dad's time.

And seriously, do you really think its okay to prevent your child from getting to know a member of your child's family (yes, this is your child's family whether your family or not) just because the two of you can't grow up and get over it?

Now, let me put it to you this way. How would you feel if your child's father told you that your child could not EVER see a particular person in your family? What would your reaction to that be? Do you think that's any of his business?

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