Please help me child has been kicked out of 2 preschools and he is only 3 he wont stop hitting other children in school for no reason !!!!

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/10/2013

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No name calling here. There are many trolls (people who cause drama for no reason) here and I apologize. Many people troll this board. It is my job as a moderator (and many others) to weed them out. I hope you enjoy this site. It can be a fantastic place.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/10/2013

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Well, this site does have MANY people, but a lot of us are regulars. Posting the same thing numerous times does not help, and typically will fill up the welcome page with one person, instead of all the people that want to be heard.

Liz - posted on 04/10/2013

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I'm confused as to why you are not sure what's causing it in this thread, when you say in your other post thread (it isn't necessary or desirable to open more than one thread on the same subject, incidentally) that you are certain he is learning it from you. You agreed with some posters when they suggested that you stop yelling at him and spanking him to punish him, because you ARE teaching him that hitting and shouting are how we resolve our problems.

You need to find a more effective way to discipline him and stick to it. Be fair, firm and consistent.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/10/2013

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MaeLynn....you are striking me as a troll at this point. Maybe trying to start a debate about spanking? Not sure. But this is pretty much your 3rd (or more) posts about the same thing. You could have had this all in one post, and the information is seeming to change a bit from each one. The last post was that you were worried he MIGHT be kicked out, now this one he IS kicked out, and the first post I commented on of yours was that you were more worried about how you were dealing with him at home. You have received ample advice on this issue, and if you have further concerns, I recommend speaking with your pediatrician to have your son evaluated, and discuss the matter with the pre-school. Get some advice from people that know him. BUT, here is my warning. If I see one more post about this, I am locking them all.

Thanks
~WtCoM MoD Little Miss~

Liz - posted on 04/10/2013

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You might not ball up your fists, but you don't need to. When you spank, you are teaching him that it is okay for a big person, a grown up, who is supposed to know all the rules, that it is okay for them to hit someone much smaller. So how is he supposed then to learn that it isn't okay for him to hit everyone else?

You may never know what those kids did that bothered him, as it might not be obvious to anyone but your son. Communication with him is key also. Ask him why he hits. Tell him that it is okay to feel angry and frustrated, but that he can't hit. Find other things he can do that will calm him down. A feel good toy. A special place in the house that is his, where he can go to feel better.

There are lots of good ways to discipline and this is the issue at the heart of both of your posts. I got tips from Supernanny and love her methods, which really work for us, though she's one of those people that has as many people that hate her as love her. You can easily find her books if you want them.

We use the time-out technique for our daughter together with clear, stated, consistent consequences for not listening, not doing what she's told, being mean, hitting or being rough. She's learning to be empathic, care about how other people are feeling and understands the concept now of why we should be nice to our friends and to others. She's three.

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MaeLynn - posted on 04/10/2013

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thank you like i said i have NEVER been a part of a blog before and now i know. I wasnt aware of how posts or anything like that works and i do appreciate your time and responses. I am just excited to finally have people to reach out to for advice and ways to handle these situations. All i am trying to do is better as a mother and got a little excited so there is no need for name calling (as i am not a troll) but there was no instruction manual as how to blog.....

MaeLynn - posted on 04/10/2013

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I wasnt trying to cause a debate im new at this whole blogging thing and wasnt sure how this works i kept posting to try and get different points of views from different mothers sorry if i caused any confusion.

MaeLynn - posted on 04/10/2013

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Excellent i will try these Technics out for sure........ I am looking into finding some books and as well for trying to learn patience and keep calm on handling these terrible stages. I just want him to be a respectful good boy. He has manners and all but isnt affraid to hit and tried doing the time out thing and nothing changed. He liked it and wasnt affraid of it like the spankings and eventually started to take advantage knowing his wasnt going to be spanked. I just feel so lost and confused i stopped the corner thing started to spank again and now its making him violent ???

MaeLynn - posted on 04/10/2013

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Hi Liz my question was why would he be lashing out at children who are not doing absolutely anything wrong ! I do not ball up my fists and hit my son especially when he is just sitting there behaving that was my main question and worry ! I can understand him having anger issues and getting mad when he doesnt get his way but for him to just go up to students and "bully" them is something i am concerned and is a completely different topic. I am sure there are parents out there who do not spank there kids but are still rough and mean to other children and would like to know of other ways to control it without having to spank him ad what else could be happening that i dont see.... maybe he is jealous he is only child and at home he gets all the attention and school he does not. Was a completely different topic of advice but thanks for your response

Dove - posted on 04/10/2013

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When you swat him he wants to hit you and you are still swatting him? Yeah... he is learning that hitting is the way to accomplish things.

I am NOT saying this as an anti-spanking mom. I have personally witnessed spanking actually decrease the violent tendencies in some children, but that doesn't work with all kids and sounds like it is completely backfiring with your son.

Evelyn has posted some good ideas.

Ev - posted on 04/10/2013

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He could have picked up this at one of the preschools. There has to be something going on to cause this. A trigger point of sorts. If spanking him (swats) causes him to ball up fists then maybe you should try another approach such as time outs. Explain to him what he has done wrong and put him in time out for 3 minute=1 minutes for each year. When he gets out tell him again what he has done that is not right and its not okay to do and let it go at that. But as for his being kicked out of those preschools, if this kind of behavior is not tolerated they are within their rights to kick him out if its said in the handbooks they hand out to new clients. He can not go around hitting the other kids for their safety is at issue. If you can not find a trigger at home and at school, then I am not sure what to tell you. Take him to his doctor and have him evaluated?

MaeLynn - posted on 04/10/2013

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no he is the only child we do NOT allow the to happen when we give him a quick swap across the butt when he is bad he does it in return to us and we try to explain to him its not allowed We are trying to minimize the spankings put he is literally balling up his fist and punishing we dont watch action movies or video games in front of him so not sure where or whats causing it

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