Please help me help my daughter (17) and her breakup - heartbroken

Suz - posted on 06/24/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )

2

0

1

My daughter and her boyfriend both 17 broke up 3 weeks ago. She is devastated because she initiated arguing a few weeks before the breakup and slowed things down a little and regrets it 100 percent but was going through some things and cranky. They had a wonderful 2 1/2 years, always laughing and being very respectful and loving with eachother. They did become inseparable and lost friendships because of always only being with eachother. They were planning their future and colleges and always had mature talks about their relationshp and how much they loved eachother and were growing up together. She is devastated because three weeks ago he finally over texting ( Ill never understand that) told her that he has accepted that they need to move on and just enjoy the summer. She did tell him she realized she was causing fighting (dumb little arguments) and that she loved him and would like to learn from mistakes and keep trying. He has since reconnected with his best friend who has a girlfriend and has been going out in his group and paired off with her best friend in many outings posted on fb and instagram. He a few times texted late that he missed her and loves her but this is whats best for now. He is obviously dating and encouraged her to date as well. She just said she will respect that and OK and has not texted him since. Few questions, why do kids think texting is the way to talk trough and end a 2 1/2 year old relationship. Also, she is crushed he is already dating and I am encouraging her to also go out in big groups but that group was kind of her group too and she can't do that now.
In the 2 1/2 years they were very happy and handled things with great maturity until the last 2 weeks before the breakup. Any advice besides keep her off social media and just be there to listen and let time heal? He has done more adventurous type outings in these 2 weeks then they did in two years - his best friend is very social and sets up fun things to do and set him up withing a week to help him move on and introduced him to a new girl so he is having a blast with her in these group outings which his friend posts. She can't understand how he can just turn everything off so quickly when they were so committed.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Duse1 - posted on 06/24/2015

61

0

3

She needs to find a friend, and by that I mean a guy friend. Make sure the old boyfriend knows this.. she cant seem like the healing wanting girlfriend.. he will only feel sad for her.. have you ever heard of.. If you love something Let it go, if it comes back it was always yours to begin with, if not, They were never meant to be.. I did that once. it works some what but not always in the right way,. the main thing is that she moves on with something else perhaps being with another not such a good idea,, but doing something that up lifts her spirits and makes him see her on the street one day, as a free spirited bright happy person will help.. tell her to stand proud,, this is not the end of the world.. I had a boyfriend like this once.. I took the bull by the horns after feeling like crap,, did somethings that first made me feel better,, tried moving on, but stood proud Then after seeing a guy for awhile that was not right for me,.. I met my Husband at work,, Friends at first.. cause I was still healing,, I started dating again. The Boyfriend noticed,, He came back around, I could of had him back. I knew this.. He also knew by the ring on my finger that he was too late.. She is very young, so was I.. a broken heart from first love will heal, and she will find love again. My Husband my second true relationship after the boyfriend was the right choice,, we did marry,, I did not go back to the old boyfriend that I thought at the time was my life partner.. I was with my Husband for 16 years, we had five children, beautiful right.. yes for the most part it was.. very beautiful.. BUT at age 33 he had a heart attack and passed from this world, (do not like the D word)., that is something that I will never totally heal from.. So first loves,, don't worry,, she will get strong,, I hope she finds another friend at least for right now and does not have to do this without a girlfriends help like I did.. but if she does,,you be her friend,, offer to take her places and do things with her.. maybe this is your time to bond.. who knows.. Life is too complex to think this is all she has to offer,, being his girlfriend.. If he is a stand up kind of guy he will be back ,, ask for her love back and they can work on this together,,If not do you really want her with this boy,,, no need for your help at all if they do get back together,.. My mom never helped me with that part.. she just was there.. wait till she comes to you.. then just listen.. and never say it was her fault.. cause it was not.. they just grew apart.. I doubt this 17 year old boy who was not ready to become a man is the ONE.. but one never knows really do we.. LOL
as for the texting I can't help you there.. seems like the whole young generation does this and well it might be wrong and makes them separate from the real world if you ask me.. but I am not one to offer info on this cause I don't understand the need to text anyhow.. LOL

MaryAnn - posted on 06/24/2015

347

0

17

Also. Not sure how you could bring it up naturally in conversation... she might not be ready to unfriend him, but there is an option on the feed to "show less" of what he posts.

3 Comments

View replies by

MaryAnn - posted on 06/24/2015

347

0

17

Avoiding social media is not the answer. The reason that teenage boy felt that over text was acceptable is because to the young- electronic communication is just that- a form of communication. It is an extension of oneself, and to those growing up with it, it *is* in fact personal.
I dont know them, but i can almost gaurentee many of their most intimate communications happened over facebook, over text, possibly tweets or snaps. It is not less than, and telling your daughter that it is will probably do more harm than good.
To get her old ties back, shes probably going to have to reach out online, like a few pictures, post some videos of cats- thats just how teenagers socialize.
Of course, the other half of the solution is to get out in the real world. Youre her mom, he fastest thing you can do to help is put her in your car for a late night beach trip. Be her friend a bit. Join her in her quest to get better. Take goofy selfies with her at a coffee shop. She'll find a boyfriend in due time... when she is ready.
What she really needs is to figure out how to spend free time now.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms