Please help me...Twin 4 year olds out of control and am wits end.

Nadya - posted on 07/04/2012 ( 15 moms have responded )

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Can someone please help. I have twin 4 year old girls, that have become a train wreck. They destroy their room, toys, my things. I am tired of people saying they will grow out of it. NO THEY AREN'T!!! IT IS GETTING WORSE!

Examples:

I work from home, 8 hours a day, off most times on weekends. Nearly every single day they wake up at 5am or so, way before I can even get thinking about waking up and will DESTROY their room. I don't mean toys on the floor. I mean like milk, sour cream, coffee creamer, flour etc ALL over their carpet. EVERY DAY!!!!!!! I wake up to a wreck. I have been setting an alarm for that early to make it stop and am now completely exhausted. Work is suffering, and I may be unemployed soon. Then we are in big trouble. No family, no friends. Single mom.

THEN:

They took my 700 dollar android and threw it in the bathtub. They admitted they KNEW it was wrong but did it anyhow. I punished them with corner time and taking some toys, and the VERY next day they took the phone and poured pancake syrup on it instead!!! When asked why, their response "because you made us stand in the corner". I don't understand what is happening here!!!!!

I CANT keep them out of ANYTHING!!! They take chairs, or whatever they need to get whatever they want, and are very quiet about it!!! This morning I caught them in the act of dumping soda on their floor and laughing, I punished them yet again, taking the tv out of their room, and the rest of the toys and grounding them. I was exhausted, and fell asleep on the couch. When I awoke, they had taken a bottle of formula 409 from ABOVE the cabinet ABOVE the refrigerator, and doused our 2 little kittens in it. One is blinded, the other is dying, and with no transportation, I have no means to help them. The kids think it's funny and I am at my breaking point.

PLEASE HELP ME!!!!

I have asked people around here for help. I have asked for advice. I have tried every means of punishment possible including spanking. I never believed in spanking. EVER. Then the lady from the daycare said that I HAD to try it, they are out of control. I am a single parent. They don't care what I do it is always worse the next day.

I have been non stop crying for the last 24 hours with the desire to give my children up for adoption. Adoption means I never see them again, so then heartbreak at the thought follows. I can't live without them, but I can't keep going through this. I need to mention that one of them is autistic. High functioning however.

THINGS I HAVE TRIED ON MY OWN ACCORD:

- Time out

- grounding to room

- baby gates (doesn't work, they open them, or climb over them)

- having a custom installer come and put a bi fold door across the wide opening of my kitchen (They snapped it in 3 pieces)

THINGS I HAVE TRIED ON SOMEONE ELSES SUGGESTION:

- Corner time

- loss of privileges (no movies or outside time)

- making them clean it up

- spanking

- spending more time with them during the day in case this is an attention thing. (this makes them act out worse)

- giving them more to do to occupy them. I invested a lot of money into some really fun things to do, while I work. (They aren't even interested. They played for like 5 mins and haven't touched them again)

- Fenced my yard so they could play in the front yard with the door open unsupervised. (They stood on their toys, climbed the fence onto the hood of my broke down car, and ran off to the neighbors).

My friends are referring to my kids as demon children, they won't help, or even babysit because they can't handle them. I have no family, nowhere to go.

Nothing contains them, nothing stops them from doing this, nothing is effective and it is getting worse. Please...if anyone can suggest a 4 year old proof baby gate, or something, or if anyone has anything to suggest at all, please help me. If anyone has kids like this, especially twins, please tell me your story, I am starting to get scared that I am alone in this.

Please, someone help me before I lose my mind. I love my kids...they hate me!!!!

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Marquita - posted on 09/22/2013

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I know this was posted over a year ago but I just wanted to reply and say that I am having the issues. I have 5 year old twin boys and I just don't know what to do with them anymore. It seems like we've tried everything and nothing works. They get into everything when we're asleep. They destroy our home. They've broken about 3 or 4 DVD players 2 or 3 tvs, they broke the Wii system. I can't buy them books and leave where they can get to them because they will rip them up. They've chipped the paint off the walls, broken the blinds in their room and mine. This is actually the second set of blinds they have broken in my room. They scream and yell for no reason and when I ask them why they do things they always say I don't know. When they go to school they don't act like this but as soon as they get home they are right back at it again. I keep hoping they will grow out of it soon but I don't know when or if that will happen. If you're still on here please give me a follow up. I'd like to know if anything has changed since this was posted.

Amanda - posted on 07/04/2012

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I don't know where you live but in my city of Nashville there is a program that we went through with our son when he was 4 too. It's called RIP (RegionalIntervention Program).
Google this and read about it. You migh call them & see if they can suggest something similar in your area. The great thing about this program is that it's free but you pay back with your own time.
On another note, I suggest you do some "Commano" style parenting & remove everything from their rooms with the exception of a mattress , blanket, & pillow. Have you put one, two, even three locks on the fridge? how about locking up all cabinets?
I would reach out to as many community organizations that help single moms like the YMCA.
You are not alone and I know that feeling of helplessness. Stay strong and pray that God will see you through this!

Suzanne - posted on 01/08/2013

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Hi Nadya, I have 4 year old twin girls and I am beginning to suspect they might be demons as well, as they have done similar things as yours. I just don't understand it either. My girls today ruined umbrellas for chairs that was given as a present, they have ripped off timber from a chair and also taken 2 branches of a nice fern in the garden.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE. YOU ARE TRYING TO DO THE RIGHT THINGS, IT IS ALL ABOUT CONSISTENCY, AND I NEED TO DO MORE OF THAT ALSO.

I would agree a rewards system is a good idea and might be something to make sure to try and stick to. I do find that my twins need more stimuation and outdoor time. Hard when weather is bad but they just need more of everything and it is so hard to keep up.

I have the kids in 3 days a week in pre-school when school term is on and that helps. More stimuation mentally is good. Can you get more care per week so they can be in different surrounds and do more activities that would exhuast physically and mentally. Not sure if this is going to be a cost isuse but maybe you might get subsidies?

I feel your pain, I am with you. Email me if you need to chat. Love to you

Elizabeth - posted on 01/09/2014

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Oh also check abd get your child approved by an agency to assist you here in sonoma county it is north bay regional and they are a huge help especually for autism! Please check into this resource they give you an aide to work with the child and respite hours and lots more! Stay in touch! ♥ eliza

Braquel - posted on 07/05/2012

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I am with Amanda I would strip everything and lock up everything till they get the point. I would try plain tough love till they hit their breaking point.

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Elizabeth - posted on 01/09/2014

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Please get in touch with me i am the single mother of 5 and have adopted my first grandbabies who happen to be identical twins girls they are 10 now i also took on 3 of my niece's children. She lost them to the goverment due to drug abuse. It sounds like your children need a big dose of follow through, clear firm bounderies and that they feel and that are appropriate for them and their age. I hace a friend with autistic children not so high functioning i do not think you are past the point of no return but your getting close. Would love to help if I can !

Nicole - posted on 05/07/2013

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I am having similar issues, I have 4 year old twin boys. This morning they were up before me and used knives to cut open the back of my couch, and they cooked popcorn in the microwave for 30 minutes and almost set the house on fire. They don't seem to care about any punishment and they get into everything. They are terrible for their teacher at school and they are supposed to go to kindergarten in the fall! Plus add in that they are still pooping their pants! We have tried the time outs, taking away toys, rewards, spanking, etc. It does not seem to phase them! They get into and destroy everything! Help!

Stacy - posted on 03/08/2013

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I have read a lot of post to try and help me with my almost 4 year old twin boys, but your story sounds very similar to mine. My boys will not sleep through the night. They are able to break everything and anything. I put a lock on my refrigerator, on all cabinets (until they found it funny to break the child locks and then the handles on the cabinets). That was due to them deciding it was funny to take the flour, sugar, eggs, and various other things they found in the kitchen and mixing them on the floor. They once found a permanent marker and market up all over my cabinets and got a few walls. I have tried all the suggestions on here. Time-outs don’t work. Spanking don’t work. Reward system doesn’t work. Loss of privilege didn’t work. Making them clean it up didn’t work. I have even tried to wear them out during the day but every time I come up with an activity that they should like they find a way to ruin it. They go to head start 4 days a week all day, and they are really good there once they get there. In the mornings they don’t listen, or tell me no and something once they are home. Their new favorite thing to do is lie. I have no clue on what else to try but something really needs to give. I had a baby in December, he is easy now but watching them be naughty he is going to think it is ok and then I will have 3 doing it. If you figure anything out let me know, I am will to try anything.

Nadya - posted on 01/10/2013

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Thank you Suzanne,

At least now I know I am not the only one. Here we are, and still no improvement. What gets me is they are in Preschool now, 3 hours a day, and are perfect little angels there. From the moment I pick them up from school they are at it again. The problem is that now they are learning to talk back :( I must say they have learned some real colorful language in school. Their favorite response it "I dont have to, I dont want to, Your not the boss of me" .

If they are this much of a struggle now, then what will they be like at 15 :(

Sincerely
Nadya

User - posted on 07/05/2012

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Do they get enough time outside? Children this age need the stimulation of different environments. Also being outside gives them opportunity to run off some of their excess energy.If they are stuck inside all the time they will go stir-crazy.

What is your daytime structure like? Do they have set mealtimes and set bedtimes? This could really help, as most children thrive on routine.

[deleted account]

Just a thought....Have you looked at their diet? Some kids are highly sensitive to certain food additives and it does make them unruly. There is a book out there by a lady named Sue Dengate. I'm sorry but I don't recall the name of the book but if you google her name I'm sure it will come up for you with the name of the book/s she has published on the subject. One of my son's class mates was pretty much out of control until her Mum looked into dietry issues. She also sought the help of a child psychologist and the little girl has never looked back and her Mum is much more relaxed. Can't hurt to look into it
. Good luck.

Nadya - posted on 07/04/2012

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I have tried the rewards, I bought the entire collection of Berenstein bears books, had a star chart, nothing worked. They were ecstatically thrilled to get a star...or a book...But, it did not change the negative behavior in any way.
I have discussed this with their doctor, headstart, early intervention, preschool teachers etc. All it did was serve me up on a platter to CPS for asking for help. CPS offered support and I took parenting classes, they closed the case and that was the end of it. There was no help for the kids. The parenting classes were the Love and Logic series which made everything worse.
These kids have literally been the reason we have had to move twice. They destroyed the first house by flooding it. Turned on the water in the bathroom sink at approx 2am, plugged it, and went back to bed. Second time they did it again, this time I had the water turned off to the bathroom sink, but they found they can get the same results from the bathtub.
I feel like I am living someone elses life...or trapped in a nightmare. Either way as undesirable as the other. My fuse is getting shorter, my patience is gone, I am sleep deprived, and still having to manage my home.

Amy - posted on 07/04/2012

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Have you tried setting up a rewards system for good behavior? Have you discussed their behavior with their pediatrician? Also it sounds like you need to find a support system for yourself.

Nadya - posted on 07/04/2012

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My kids break rules on purpose, just because. I have probably told them 100 times, stay out of the fridge...ask me if you want something...wake me up when you get up...sigh...I haven't tried all of the punishments all at once, but have extended the ones I have tried. Last time I had them stand in the corner for 3 hours...Still, the very next day, they were right back at it. They don't seem to mind punishment, because they absolutely don't learn from it.

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