PLEASE HELP!!!! My 14 year old is wrecking my marriage!!!

Shemeka - posted on 02/18/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )




My 14 year old is wrecking my marriage...we have moved to a new home and new school district. She was a straight A student even received a scholarship in the 8th grade and now she has gone downhill. Kissing girls at school, cutting class...being disrespectful and rude to the point that I have ask her dad to take her for a year!! I love my child and I just want the best for her...but I am not sure I am the right mother for the job. Can anyone please give me some pointers?


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Jodi - posted on 02/18/2015




You remarried, move house AND moved schools. A 14 year old would see that as your wrecking HER life. Put yourself in her shoes here.

Ev - posted on 02/18/2015




I have to agree with Shawnn on this one. Most of the behaviors are common for this age. Even her curiosity of things.

What I am worried about is the first things that Shawnn asked. How fast did you blend this family? Did you work on the transition from one phase of the relationship to another? Did you sit down and set up things for how this blended family would work? How well did your daughter get on with this man before when he was the BF, then fiance, and then husband? Is he demanding things of her instead of letting them happens as they should be in a natural sense.

The thing is kids suffer more when parents divorce. When parents remarry, the kids do not have any say in who that is. But its a big indication of how they feel about new people in their lives in how they react to them. If this person has tried to make the child or children to feel like they are just as much a part of them, it makes a difference. If the person does not try, the kids are not going to respond well to the person. It takes time for a new blended family to get settled and it does not sound like that you are trying hard enough to see if it can be worked out. Sending her off to dad is not going to make things better or make her change. Working with her and the new husband to make this family what it can be is what you need to do be it on your own or in counseling. I believe parents have rights to have someone in their lives, but at the same time kids need to be considered. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage or family, and you need to understand that. Also, its not your kid that is wrecking your marriage. She is not married you are. Its up to you and him to make things work and set the ground rules and consequences for your house.

You could send her to her father. But after a year, you might find she might not want to come back at all.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/18/2015




so...without much background, I can only ask this: What kind of counseling did you, your daughter, and the 'new' family have prior to the blend? How did your daughter react to your boyfriend/fiance/husband during each stage of your relationship?

Honestly, the 'issues' as you've described them are fairly normal acts for kids in that age range. Nothing is a huge deal, from what I can see.

Kissing other girls? Oh, GASP!!!'d probably better search yourself to see if you have the ability to accept your daughter's sexuality, if she is gay. She may be bi, or bi-curious...but anyway, that is the LEAST of your worries...She's kissing, after all, not hitting...

Cutting class...Pretty much every kid least once. Doesn't make it correct behaviour, but unless she's skipping all day, every day, this is something that can be addressed through disciplinary actions (detention, etc) at school, and making up missed work, even for partial credit.

Being disrespectful & rude...well, again, pretty 'norm' for the age group, and should be handled appropriately with consistent disciplinary measures and consequences.

Other than foisting her off on her father so that you can have the 'perfect' marriage with your new man, what have you done to this point to address her behaviours?

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