Please Help, should i stop Xs wife from remaining in the room during surpervised visits at DSS?

Holly - posted on 09/17/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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If it is in a court agreement for my x to have supervised visits with their father at department of social services, and he brings his new wife, can I stop her from being in the room during the visits?? I mean, I am pretty sure I can, but I feel like I am being the bad guy…..please understand that there is extensive lash outs, lies, criminal behavior, and she has been put on the state registry for abuse and neglect on my children….but not charged…she was giving a treatment plan to get sober, parenting, etc etc, and if she fails to do what on this treatment plan she will risk the possibility of being charged with child abuse and neglect …..she has been putting me through hell since 2009…. She once even kidnapped my children, but no criminal charges were filed…..Anyway in the agreement now it says nothing about her being in the room during supervised visits, well September 7th she was charged with shoplifting, first degree, property less than 1000.00…and since they have been vising the kids supervised, keep in mind, that even that for me, has been pure hell!! She has approached me about every visit and tried to start something with me…..I keep my cool, but I am sick and tired of the shit, my attorney has guaranteed me full custody, and we are going to ask for everything to remain how it is now, as far when it comes to our private hearing for custody, my attorney will ask that he sees the girls and I supervise them not DSS…….

My question is….my next visit I will be making the request once again for her not to be in the room…….the case worker asked last time I tried to stop her from seeing my kids, “what does the kids want”, well the kids want to see her, but please understand, she put bruises on my children, tried to break into a home with my kids and they were her look out, she left them home alone, they had to clean before homework, omg, the list goes on and on, and some too harsh to put on internet….. My kids, are naive, and they only feel like they have to like her because of their dad, but they won’t admit it, (there dad can be intimidating and he was abusive towards the end of our relationship to me and kids) they don’t understand and I don’t expect them too, I don’t want to drag them in the middle….please help!! What do you think??? DO you think I will be making a mistake by not letting the girls see her?? Do you think that will make me look bad come review time??? I feel like I need to step up and be an adult and protect my children and do what’s in their best interest and that is to eliminate all contact with her…..of coarse their dad will be mad, but I am hoping he will settle down, once he realizes I need him to see his kids, and have no plans for my children to start hating me any time soon, they love their dad!!

PS, she is also taking drug rehab due to failing a drug test of LONG TERM COCAINE USE…………..

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F.A.S. - posted on 09/24/2012

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r the kids in dss custody and who is working the case plan to get them back if its you do everything u can to get custody of them

Holly - posted on 09/18/2012

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Reply to Jodi….Thank you for your response , it is valued…I am really at a battle with in my heart and head over this….First to answer your question, Yes, she did do all these things in front of my children, when they lived with her and their dad, my kids are in concealing now, they are doing quite the opposite of what I would expect out of them when I got them back , they are very resilient, thank god, and they actually like her….a little now , and they are doing great now that they are back home…..their hearts were broken when they first came back at some of the stuff she did directly and non-directly towards them that resulted in suffering and pain with my girls, but ironically, they seem to have forgiven her and they see how their dad is happy with her….. during the supervise visits, she has said a few things I felt was inappropriate during supervised visits, and I did complain to the case worker who is supervising it, and yes, she does approach me as I enter or leave the building and she is very juvenile in front of my girls, but nothing physical… this problem has been addressed as well too, and she did not approach me last visit, I do not have much family support at this time, because my mom is sick and my aunt is working now, so them two are the only strong family support I have, ….i wish I had a big brother to take….The reason I want to eliminate her , is because she is getting worse, and their dad is too….and he has changed his parenting ….he is doing the total opposite with our children compared to what we were both so against in raising our children….we never used corporal punishment…..(I got spankings however and I am fine, even though I never used it on my children does not mean I am against it)…it really effected my girls to go all their little lives from no spankings to suddenly getting spanking with a belt from a women who is under the influence of cocaine, and she left bruises,…and much more neglect and abuse…..I want to eliminate her because she is just an all-around evil person, and I don’t want any of her influences on my children, I have tried playing the middle man, I have tried forgiving, but she won’t stop….and reality of the whole idea of her seeing my kids outside of dss is very slim, because even then I will do all possible to not have her around my children….but at the same time, I don’t want to look bad to the case worker, court , judge, cause even though she don’t have to be in the room, fact is, she has been since May of this year during visits……so I feel like I will be doomed the bad guy……I will never trust this women, like her, nor work with her, I fear of the thoughts of my children being around her……..so I feel like at the same time, I have to nip this in the bud…and be an adult for my children and protect them…..i am so at a struggle with this….:-(

Jodi - posted on 09/17/2012

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So all these things she does, she does them in front of your children during supervised visits? Quite honestly, unless her being there is a BAD thing for the children (during the actual supervised visit), I don't think it is worth making the fuss. They are being supervised. They aren't in any danger. I do have to ask how eliminating all contact with her will BENEFIT your children.

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