Please Help!: Should the grandparents of my daughter that caused the breakup of my relationship with her dad be allowed to see her?

Stephanie - posted on 06/25/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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This lady never made much of an effort to see my daughter when she was born, because she had too many issues with me. To make a long story short, her dad left us for a few years and never saw his daughter. I had to take him to court and was awarded full everything because of his substance abuse issues, and he never even fought for anything... his parents did not even help him pay his legal fees. I have allowed him to see her now for a few hours once a week, and without my permission my ex's mom phoned my daughter and offered to take her on a shopping spree, lunch, and out on her "yacht". I just know the type of person she is, and I don't respect anyone that has to buy their grandchilds love, especially since she was so mean to me when she was born. What should I do??

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Brittany - posted on 06/25/2012

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Firstly if she caused the breakup - maybe it was a good thing if he had substance abuse problems.. Also was it she had too many issue with you? Or just as many issues with her son? EI. not helping with legal fees...

I know it may not impress you she is trying to 'buy' your daughters love, but does your daughter enjoy seeing her? Is she taken care of when she is with her? Lots of grandparents spoil their grandchildren - it's almost acceptable to most people.

It can be hard to put the past behind us, but as adults with children some times it is worth over seeing these things so that your daughter gets to enjoy one more person loving her, and considering she isn't getting the attention from her father she does still deserve to know the other half of her family.

Ultimatley it is up to you - grandparents don't have very many rights when it come to their grandchildren. But thats not to say your daughter won't build a relationship with her once she is older and can do so without your permission. I would look past how she treated you in the past and try to acknowledge and grade how she is treating your daughter. If she is being a kind, loving grandmother - let your daughter enjoy her in her life. Doesn't mean you have to like her ;)

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Stephanie - posted on 06/25/2012

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Thanks, Brittany.

I appreciate your feedback and everything you said.

I'm sure my daughter is well taken care of in this lady's company, I just don't know if I'm Ok with that.. I don't respect her, and I want to protect my daughter firstly, and I try to teach her all the time to not be materialist and that money doesn't matter to be happy, which are exactly what she will learn from this lady. Plus, her "kindness" can come with a price, and I wouldn't put it past her to hold it against my daughter one day.

I'm still undecided :(

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