Mike - posted on 12/01/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )
The title says it all. Yesterday I sat down at my computer to design a Christmas card, and when I pulled up a folder of images I opened the wrong one, which contained assorted nude pictures of one ex-gf, along with other sexts I had saved in the same folder. I don't even know the girls names, or anything about them (aside from the one ex).
My wife was standing there, saw it and was shocked, then went off the handle. We have been married for five months, and now I'm afraid it's over.
I try to think why I kept this folder, and can't come up with any good reason. There isn't one really. The best I can think of is they were trophies. The pics were from when I was dating, and I haven't sought out anything like this from any other woman since my wife and I began dating again, about 2 years ago.
She's obviously devastated, jealous, insecure, and full of rage at the thought of me using them for sexual pleasure. Truth is, I hardly ever opened the folder, and I don't think I ever sat here jerking off to them. She's convinced otherwise, and thinks I have cheated on her, or have "online affairs" going on.
My wife and I have known each other for 10+ years, dated for about 6 of those with a few year break in between, which is when I slept around and had my single life flings. Our sex life is amazing, the best I could ever want and there's no comparison between her and anyone else in my past. I've told her this.
Another important thing to note is that she was deeply scarred by her first ever bf who cheated on her. And, right when we began dating the second time two years ago, one of my flings sent a VERY dirty message to my phone, which the wife saw and read. That brought a lot of deep seated insecurity and jealousy to the surface, in a similar way that this incident did.
Nothing I say holds any water. I'm completely ashamed of the entire situation. Needless to say I deleted them all and never want to see these images again.
She threw a mean right hook that caught me in the eye, screamed a lot, threw off her wedding ring, and went to spend the night at a motel. She called in sick for work tomorrow (Monday) already. She's been taking xanax to knock herself out, and when she is awake, this happens:
1. She talks about wishing she could kill herself quickly and how she can't take it, can't look at me without seeing those images.
2. She screams at me, berates me, calls me disgusting, and generally tells me what a piece of **** I am.
I get it. I certainly feel that way. Several times I thought to myself in the past that I should delete the folder, but never did. I have no emotional connection with the photos, and now that they're gone I could care less. There was never any intent on my part to use them for pleasure, or to even seek out any extramarital affairs on any level.
I need any and all advice. I'm afraid our new marriage is tarnished, and that she may leave. We moved 3000 miles from home to live in CA and start out lives together, and I feel absolutely horrible about what I've done. I understand her feelings, and they are justified.
I just don't know how to proceed, how to talk with her, convince her that she is all I need and want forever.I came here to get some advice from a group of women that I feel will be able to offer various opinions. I welcome any and all responses, good or bad, critical or compassionate...