Travis - posted on 08/31/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )
In all fairness, I am a father, not a mother. That being said, I’m in desperate need of advice on how to deal with an unreasonable EX. I was separated 15 months ago and officially divorced for a few weeks now. The court indicated in the decree that we should share 50/50 time but only gave me Tuesday overnights and every other weekend because my EX moved 20 miles from me. I was interviewed by a court appointed advisor and she recommended a 50/50 plan as well.
I have been dating a woman since January and introduced my two daughters (4 & 7) to her late in February. I informed my EX of this relationship as soon as my GF met the kids as I felt she had the right to know. We went out of our way to portray our relationship as “just friends” and slowly began showing displays of affection in the following weeks. We tried to be sensitive to the kids as well as my EX. I have offered my EX the ability to meet my GF several times over the past six months but she has no interest to this point. My girls adore my GF but my EX does not allow them to speak her name in her house. My youngest has even said “my mom hate you” to my GF. My girls are now starting to keep secretes in hopes they don’t upset the other parent which is not good. Let me be clear, I don’t ask the kids questions or interfere in my EX’s life in any way!
Now to my problem.
The decree indicates “mother/father” shall pick-up the kids for visitation but doesn’t use the word only. It doesn’t restrict anyone by name from picking the kids up either. Based on what I’ve read, both of us should have the ability to delegate this task to a responsible adult. I notified the EX of my intent to introduce my GF to the kid’s teachers and put her on the pick-up list. My EX responded by saying that she will not allow it. She goes further by threating to contact the authorities if she discovers proof that my GF picked the kids up.
I can and will take her back to court to clarify this issue if I must but I want to know if there is a better way to deal with a disgruntled EX. I have given into her too many times and believe my lack of parenting time is direct evidence of that. I don’t want to spend my life fighting with this woman but I won’t allow her to take advantage of me anymore. I’m guessing my EX won’t approve of anyone I date but at some point she needs to move on. Please tell me how to communicate effectively with a controlling and irrational EX.
Thanks for taking the time to address my situation,