Kelly Ann - posted on 09/26/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )
for all you moms out there who think that you are having trouble with their teens or not, I insist, for the sake of your relationship with your child, that you read this. i would like to start off with saying that I am not a mom, I am actually a 17 year old boy who has a wonderful mother whom you all could learn a lot from. I have read through many of the posts made on this site and the way you moms are going about raising your teens will hinder the potential of your relationships greatly. i have read comments from moms suggesting how to ground kids for different circumstances and the truth is grounding is almost never the answer. i know you are all just scared, want the best for your child, and don't know what else to do, but there is another way that gives you the opportunity to build a healthy, strong relationship with your child. i will use the example of alcohol and marijuana use. it is inevitable that your child will be exposed to these substances and no matter how great of a child you think you have, i know first hand that they will most likely try these. the mistake that most parents make is that they immediately ground their child after finding out they have done these things. this solves absolutely nothing. this only results in more lies and a worse relationship. the first thing you need to do is realize that these substances will not ruin your child's life and unless you lock them in the house for their four years of high school they will be exposed. freaking out and grounding them will teach them that they cannot trust you. I am 17 and i know that when kids my age get grounded they do not think “man I better not do that again.” They think “man now I have to be twice as careful and lie to my parents even more.” The first thing you need to do is realize that in moderation, these things are ok. You may be thinking that if you let your kid go party they will go way overboard, however if you make them understand that they can trust you, you can teach them moderation and they are much better off in the long run. This one is especially difficult, but you need to make your kid understand that they can go to you with ANYTHING. This is the only way to have a full, trusting relationship. The most important thing is trust. And I can assure you that most of your kids have very little trust in you, and rightfully so. They know that you would freak out at them if they ever told you what they really do with their friends. Your kids will make mistakes, they are teens, but the important thing is that you can teach them what they did wrong and have them understand why that would be bad for them in the long run. Don’t just lock them in their rooms and take away video games; that solves absolutely nothing. I encourage you to comment and ask any questions. Good luck to all you moms, and remember, trust is the most important thing.