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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/24/2013

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Well, unless there is a solid abuse history, drug history, or otherwise, the woman has the right to shared custody.

Get a guardian ad lietem for the kid. That way he'll have his own representation in court that can express his side and feelings.

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Nicole - posted on 07/24/2013

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I'm glad you and your children have a great relationship in the end. I may have not given birth to him, but I love him as if were my own. I've taught him alot and he's even taught me a few things. I'm blessed to have that little man in my life, and would be seriously lost without him. I'm not looking for perfection, because I know it's impossible. All I want for him is to be able to have all three of us. I want her to act like she loves him instead of talk and treat him like a golden ticket to get money out of someone, because she's too lazy go work. It's not unreasonable for me and my husband to want that. Will she change? Probably not. But it needs to be understood, that we have seen her walk out of his life, how do we know she wont again. He's not the same little four year old that she left behind, he's almost seven now. And we want him to have a good childhood. A childhood he would want to give to his children. Not so much to ask.

Ev - posted on 07/24/2013

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Nicole-My son resents his father to an extent. So I do know well, how it is. His dad remarried 2x after me. He and his sister got step mom's who did not care much at all about them. Did not even really try. The current one acted like she was trying. Dad n ever took time to be alone with them doing something as simple as a walk leaving the step mom and step sibs at the house for even an hour. He would not do it. He resents his dad because his dad took one thing away from him last year that he should have been there for: The birth of his first niece. He waited all those months for his sis to have her baby and when the night came he got left at home with the step kids. Even his sister was not thrilled about that one. My son has seen his dad pay more attention to the step sibs over him all the time. So I do know how he resents his dad. He has told me time and again if this current step mom was not there he thinks his dad would better. I told him it took more than that even. He knows his dad is not all that dad is cracked up to be. My daughter was the one of the two that did not say much for fear of getting into trouble for just saying it and had to please the whole group (both sides of family). A hard lesson in that for her. She learned at high school graduation when certain things happened that not everyone was going to be able to go to everything. When she made choices about which activities to go to, her step mom (current one) had a fit. When she got married, thankfully her inlaws took over the wedding plans and what was what. But when her step mom had to sit somewhere she did not want, my son heard about it. Step mom also complained that her two sons that had not been given anything to be in the wedding party. She was just lucky that the half sisters were selected to be flower girls. Her younger son got to be the ring bearer only because my son inlaws own nephew could not come to the wedding. She complained about my son having a part and how it was not fair. I heard about all the things said IN FRONT of my son about his sister before, during and after the wedding that was done behind her back. He resents his dad and step mom the most for that.

The thing you are looking for is perfection and unfortunate for all of us we can not have that. I am sorry you resented a parent from growing up but its all part of life and no matter what a judge says, there are going to be ramifications of all kinds.

I am just glad that to this day me and my kids have such a good relationship and we are closely bonded....something I can not put words to. And because of that, we were able to weather the last 11 years.

Nicole - posted on 07/24/2013

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The thing we have that she doesn't, is a lawyer. And the lawyer is the one that went through everything with us to make sure it can be. I just wish parents would be there for their children. No bad talking other parent, none of that stuff. I for one had a parent like his mom, and he she keeps it up at him, he'll just end up resenting her like I did my parent. Ya know?

Ev - posted on 07/24/2013

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It also depends on the proof you have and if the judge will allow it in court. That is why an ad lietem is needed.

Nicole - posted on 07/24/2013

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Well, the proof we have is her trying to get assistance by saying the child was with her, when he wasn't, the fact that she did a false protective order/CPS report. That her housing situation is not suitable for him, and to mention she's moved numerous amount of times because of lack to pay her rent (Which our proof of rent, is her saying it herself.. Phone recording), Not getting the shots he needed when she said she was. And the big thing, Her losing another daughter..Doesn't sound like a stable parent. Having another boyfriend that he's never even met.
I've read that courts don't like this stuff, and all that I've posted, we have proof. It's not just about drugs, abusive. I can't stand the emotionally crap she puts him though. Because if this was a father I was talking about, he would have nothing in court.
BUT I will look into the GAL. Would be great if little man can have a voice of his own. Thanks.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/24/2013

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Nicole, as we've said, unless there is proof that she's a danger to the child, abusive, drugs, etc, ANYTHING is possible. Which is why it is important that the child be represented by his own counsel in the GAL.

With child custody, the parent in possession of the child doesn't necessary get deferred to. And if all you have is "he says/she says" stuff, or your own personal observations, you're not going to get very far. If you have solid reliable proof, you'll have a better chance

Ev - posted on 07/24/2013

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Nicole-Its a possible option. THat is just general information I gave you. Regardless, she could still get primary if the judge so decides. From the sounds there was no custody set to begin with? If that is the case, both sides have a good chance. You can not go in with well she this and this and that. A lot of people leave their kids' lives for years and years longer than this and then all of a sudden decide to want to be part of it. And guess what? THey get it! Full visitation too. Some have even gotten custody in a joint venture. What I am saying is these are options, the ad lietem I have had to deal with myself so I do know what that is like. As for the rest, those are possible things that can happen. I was only trying to give you a broad picture.

Nicole - posted on 07/24/2013

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@ Evelyn Witt: How would her getting primary even a option? She hasn't had the child in two years?

Ev - posted on 07/24/2013

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I have to agree with Shawnn on this. Unless you have proof of anything that might be of danger to the child in any way or form, there is not much you can do about it. Proof is the most important thing that makes a difference in what happens in custody. I know. I have been through temp custody hearing myself with the guardian ad lietem for the kids. The process was an in office interview with everyone and then a home visit when the kids were with each parent in the home. Again more interviews, checking out the home, and then making recommendations to the court after that. I had the temp custody but the ad lietem was for the final custody. It was not easy for any of us. It took time and effort and you hoped that the ad lietem had unbiased view. The point is with and ad lietem, if there is a good one that does this, they are fair and objective in their job.

It is very well she could get joint custody with you too and that could mean she gets the primary custody and you guys get the non-primary. Or it could be reverse. There will be a visitation schedule set up, there will be child support, and any other things that will be put in the custody order. You could also get the half and half joint where you guys got one week and she got the other one all year long. It just depeneds.

If you get full custody, again, you have to prove that she needs limited, supervised, or no visitation at all. And it can't be the he said or she said kinds of things. You need documented things, records, etc to prove she needs limited visitation or she is going to get the standard one that everyone gets in that state.

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