Post partum and at home problems (long post)

Brianna - posted on 03/08/2016 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Quick back story is I am 21 (22 in June) I am 3 1/2 weeks post partum to my lovely little boy and happily married to my husband whom I've been with for 3 years and counting. I moved continents recently to be with my husband and got married before having our son. As you can imagine my family lives thousands of miles away and across an ocean!

I'm feeling overwhelmed with everything lately, obviously the usual baby problems like when he won't sleep and cries loads and sleep deprivation are probably getting me down not to mention I'm only 3 1/2 weeks post partum!

I wanted to firstly apologise for the long post, having recently moved I have no friends or family I can really talk to I only have my husband and well.. He's not a woman or a mom and I can't talk to him about everything (or I have but it hasn't gotten solved D:)

Mainly I've been feeling down about my overall appearance; of corse with a newborn my clothes and hair are disheveled, I have sick up on my shirt I put on 10 minutes ago , and I'm not too sure when the last time I did my makeup was but all silliness aside I just feel disgusting. Pre pregnancy 2 years ago I was smaller (not tiny skinny but a decent size) then winter hit and lack of money I kind of gained weight and was kicking myself for that when we got the news I was pregnant! D: the first trimester I lost weight since I had morning sickness all day everyday but I gained it back and then some, and then some more, and then a little bit more just for fun. (Lol) what can I say? I enjoyed pregnancy! (Ok not the first trimester but I enjoyed the second and third) and as hard as waddling around was I really loved it, I loved the attention and I loved looking into my husbands adoring eyes waiting for our little package to arrive. Now that package has landed and I look into my LO's curious eyes and give him all my adoration, I love him so much! But the joys of my new baby seem a little damped when I look in the mirror- I have the usual excess weight flabby bits and bobs in places I didn't even know existed on me... And the stretch marks... The thousands of them (haven't counted but it feels like thousands) huge grotesque thick angry red marks covering my stomach hips and thighs look back at me. I find myself hating my body and feeling despair knowing those marks will never go away, oh they may fade with time but they are huge and everywhere I will never be able to wear a bikini (not that I ever did but who knows maybe I would have!) never be able to look in the mirror again without hating myself and always wondering if my husband still finds me even remotely attractive. My husband is the sweetest man in the world but if he did find me unattractive he would never tell me in a thousand years especially after I just gave birth to our child and he had to sit there while I pushed for two hours without any pain relief (long story short they thought I would delivery in under 30 minutes not long enough for pain meds or an epidural)
Considering I moved continents to be with him and I have no money, no job (only just got allowance to get a job but I have a newborn now!) no family and no friends if he ever left me I would be screwed big time! I know he would never kick me out without helping me, it's really that I fear he will find someone else prettier than me, unmarked by childbirth, and maybe older than me (he's 39 years old and I'm only turning 22 in June but the heart wants what the heart wants -we fit together so well) he said he adored the marks but I just don't see how anyone ever in their right mind could find these horrible marks anything but repulsive- or at least unflattering!

The other issue is his mom lives with us (not us with her she lives with us) he's such a nice person but sometimes a little too nice, his mom is a terrible person. I used to try to say otherwise but she is just a bad person deep down inside. She expects us to make dinner for her (and lots of times she says she doesn't want it but if you don't make her any then she gets mad- which is wasting food money and our time!) demands he park her car and is just a constant bother. She will ask him to go buy her takeout bad food with his own money after he cooked a beautiful meal for us and we have a newborn and I'm still recovering from birth (this was the second day home from hospital... The SECOND DAY!) the worst part is she's been here near around 2 years and has NO intentions of ever leaving (in fact to her friend who mentioned we planned on moving soon she said she would just come with us... Just come with us?!) she has a job and has had one like a month after she got here, she has paid a small portion of money in rent only for a few months because my husband couldn't afford everything and all the rest she spent all her money on some dumb online game (who does that?!) on top of that her family all hate her and her friend couldn't have her there because well... She would get in trouble with her landlord. I hate this woman so much I never knew I was capable of that!

Any advice or thoughts or maybe you have dealt with something similar?
P.s. I'm still dealing with allot of painful pressure 'downstairs' when did this go away with you other mums? :)

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Brianna - posted on 03/09/2016

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Thank you so much for your reply xxx
I did think I might just be a bit hormonal it's not a constant feeling just sometimes (especially when I'm in the zombie tired mode) I feel overwhelmed - I looked up about pp depression but I don't think I really hit any of those telltale signs; baby blues seems to fit much better but I thought it would go away by now :/

We have spoken quite a bit about MIL moving out and he agrees he wants her to move out but he hasn't talked to her, I begged him to try to get her to move out before the baby was born because I was having some serious nesting and wanted to decorate his room- but he never even spoke with her.
I didn't expect her to help out with the baby at all and I'm more the type who wants to just have him me and the baby at home I want those solid bonding hours without her hovering over us expecting us to baby her at the same time. Lots of things I didn't mention she expects us to wash her clothes and iron her things ect. She doesn't pay for any of the food or utilities or anything so it's a free ride for her. Her husband passed away quite some time ago and so in the beggining I felt bad and thought she must just be lonely but now I think it's just because she doesn't have to do anything.. She goes to work and that's it she comes home and plays games all day and expect us to do everything for her.
The pain in the downstairs area due to stitches has improved (the perenium didn't tear it was stitches somewhat inside- the lady who did the stitching said it was an odd place to tear lol) I think the stitches have healed fully but since it's partially inside I haven't really been able to tell. The pressure isn't really better and really is a bother since I still can't walk more than 30 minutes without being in too much pain. I did have about 4 bladder infections while pregnant and so I know it isn't a bladder infection- I've never been constipated (even during pregnancy and after- apparently it runs in the family since both my parents have never had it either and obviously they are much older than I am) so I wouldn't know what a hemmeroid feels like :/ if it is a hemmeroid it there anything I can do to make it heal faster?
And again thanks for the reply xxx

Sarah - posted on 03/08/2016

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Wow. first I do think you have bit of baby blues, maybe not full postpartum depression, but worth keeping daily journal of your moods so you can go talk to your doctor with the journal.
Have you and hubby discussed asking MIL to move out? Did you expect her to help with child care? Your body will improve, and even with your battle scars (stretch marks) you will be beautiful. Beauty shines from within......
At 3 weeks you immediate pain downstairs should be improving. Call your doc and rule out a bladder infection or a vaginal hemorrhoid. Could have happened when pushing.
Hang in there, talk to your hubby. He may be more supportive than you expect.

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