Tiffany - posted on 06/21/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )
I'm 7 weeks post partum. I dealt with ppd 11 years ago with my first son. This is my second n I feel like im living in my mind. Its terrifying me. I'm afraid to be on hard floors, cement w my newborn, I'm having scary pp ocd thoughts like scared I might hurt my baby. I know I wouldn't but im scared of what if my arms just give way while im holding him or what if I hit him outta reflex. I know it sounds really dumb, but it's my fear. It started about 3-4 weeks pp. I've cried almost daily due to my fiance constantly lying to me, betraying me n making himself out to be the victim when I confront him about it. This is how the thoughts started is after I found out alot of lies he'd been telling me like staying at work late when he was off early but bc I was hormonal, he didn't wanna come home...the fact he lied about sexual things..ended up saying the reason he didn't have sex w me often while I was pregnant was bc I wasn't sexually attractive to him. I can't figure out how im suppose to forgive him over the constant betrayal. There's so much more, but it's pointless to mention. I'm trying to jog, get into counseling, trying to sleep, I just dont have time to eat often, shower, do anything I ever use to before baby number two. I love him a ton, im just terrified of him when im stressed bc the stress triggers my ocd which is the horrible thoughts. I guess I just need advice. I can't leave here...i dont have the money, a car of my own anymore, nothing but a piggy bank. Meds aren't an option, but if anyone has any ideas on how to calm my mind, I'd really appreciate it. I feel like my heads going to explode w all these thoughts! I dont have help either really other than my fiance n hes headed out to the field for the summer(military).