potty training and laughing when goes in pants

Miranda - posted on 01/05/2011 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Ok, I have been trying to potty trian my daughter for awhile now. Well we have just started taking her to the potty and sitting her down on the potty instead of asking her if she needs to go. Well I sit her down on the potty and she goes potty a lil bit and i make her sit there a lil while longer. Well when I get her off she goes somewhere and plays. Not 5 min after getting her off the potty she goes in her panties. Well when I realize what she has done she laughs about it and says "dont touch me mommy!" or "I didnt pee" and runs to try to keep me from checking! To me this just seems like she is doing this on purpose! Any ideas?

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Miranda - posted on 01/09/2011

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Thanks for all the comments. She is 2.5, will be 3 in June. I have been working on her since she was 2 and she did REALLY good the first two weeks, but then after that she just went down hill. I have decided to stopped training her for a short time, and then pick up on it later to see how it goes. She is wearing diapers. She kind of likes it thought. Today she did ask to sit on the potty and she actually peed in it, but then I still put a diaper on her. So Im thinking she may decide that potting in her potty is the right thing to do. Who knows....

Abbie - posted on 01/07/2011

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I read once that some people ( even little people) will show inapproriate actions, meaning some people smile at funerals while others would cry. So this laughing may be an embarresment vs a "screw you mom" thing. You know your child what is your though on this. Also I don't recall reading how old she is. that is a huge factor also. We go to a class once a week and they said on average girls are a little earlier then boys but on average they are all usually trained around 3, and there is only about a month of difference from parent forced to child started.

Susan - posted on 01/07/2011

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she thinks its a game and the more u fret ovr it the more interesting things will become with this game but also she needs to no that is a bad thing if it come out of the body its nasty. stay calm when this happens, also reward her when she does go in the potty mainly with words of encougment this will start unfolding the process that its a game

Laura - posted on 01/06/2011

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Teresa makes an excellent observation--power struggle! You will need to change your methods and behavior in order to get to where you can teach your daughter to change her behavior. It's actually not that hard, but it does require consistency and patience!

Begin by making a list of behaviors that NEED to change immediately (anything that she does that could be harmful to her), a list of behaviors that while annoying are not neccessarily harmful and a list of behaviors that you can live with. Focus on the potentially harmful behaviors first--running away from you has the potential to be harmful! Create your "house rules" and expectations for her behavior that are appropriate and counter her current behavior. For example, in stores she should be expected to hold your hand and not run off. Give her the choice of holding your hand OR riding in a shopping cart. Communicate to her that if she chooses to let go of your hand, she forfeits her choice and the cart becomes automatic. Leaving the store for a brief period of time is another option/consequence of poor choice-making. The idea is to give your daughter choices so that she feels she has some control over her situation. The choices, however, are pre-determined options by you so that YOU are actually the one in control! Be consistent, too, with the consequences for her inappropriate behavior. Eventually she will begin to make better choices and it will happen quicker than you think. This is something that may take a few weeks, not days, so patience is needed.

Another method of behavior modification is to coach her into making better choices by using diverionary methods. If she is doing something inappropriate try to get her to re-focus her attention on an appropriate alternative behavior or action. If she makes the better choice, reward her with positive praise and "thank-you's". This fits into the "choice method" mentioned above but acts to interupt negative behavior once it starts. If your daughter does not re-focus right away, you can "encourage" her to change her behavior with a countdown from 3, followed by a consequence if she chooses not to change her behavior. Consequences for poor choices need to be clearly defined and followed through on. Time-outs CAN still be a good option as a consequence: Use a timer (approximately 1 minute for each year) and the time does not start until she meets certain expectations, namely sitting in the chair. Once her time is up, calmly ask her if she knows why she got the time-out. If she answers, give her a hug and send her on her way; if she doesn't calmly but firmly let her know what behavior was inappropriate. Ask her if she can think of an alternate choice she could have made. Give suggestions if she can't, then hug her and send her on her way.

All of this takes parenting work, to be sure, but the difference is it creates POSITIVE discipline and actually focuses and teaches your daughter how to take control of her behavior by making good choices. You already spend more energy and work chasing her around that could be more productive, so I suggest changing your methods to make your work in parenting more productive. These methods do work: I have experience using them in a social service field, working with dysfunctional teens! I used these exact methods raising my own daughter, too. After tackling the behavioral issues first, then you should have a much easier time with the potty training! Hope all of this helps and good luck to you!

Strict structure and boundaries need to be in place with consequences that are firmly and consistently enforced. This requires a LOT of patience on your part in order to teach your daughter that certain behaviors are NOT appropriate and to teach her to make better choices. Once you get the harmful behaviors under control you can work on the other annoying behaviors using the same methods.

Miranda - posted on 01/05/2011

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She even does it when I stop putting her in panties and just put her pull ups and just change her as she goes. She even runs when I go to change her. Ive gotten to where I tell her 'fine you will just sit in your messy pants" and I sit her in the corner. that doesnt help much because she gets up and runs from the corner or takes her pants off.
I have also tried to giver her stickers or M&M's but that doesnt work. she gets M&M's for being good in the store (that is another struggle for me) and she thinks her band aides are stickers so she gets one of those when she gets hurt. So those things dont work. My mom also told me to just put her back in diapers and treat her like a baby and do that for a lil bit and then go back to potty trianing her.
So, I guess I should go back to the diapers then?

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How old is she?



Sounds like it has turned into a power struggle and since this is something she CAN control.... she is winning.



My personal philosophy on potty training has become to offer help, support, and encouragement, but let the child be the one to actually be in charge of 'training' themselves. I came to the conclusion of this philosophy after it took me a year to day train my twin girls (when I was the one doing the 'potty training') and I followed it while 'training' my son. He is fully day AND night trained at the exact same age that his sisters were only day trained. ;)

Laura - posted on 01/05/2011

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She thinks you have created a game out of the potty routine and what she does. If I had to guess, when she says "don't touch me" or I didn't pee" you start to chase after her! Getting chased is generally fun for most kids! She's figured out that wetting herself will get you to chase her. So, yeah, she may very well be doing this on purpose for the fun "game" that she thinks is being played!



With that in mind, stop the training process for a week or two; she isn't quite getting it and this will break the routine. Don't worry, potty training can stop and start, eventually she'll get it. After a week or two, you can try again. This time try a different method (there are some good books on potty training methods) or routine. Making changes might just be what breaks the "game" cycle from the previous efforts. Don't forget that you can use incentives (rewards) for doing a good job. Incentives can be anything from stickers to M&M's (my daughter's motivation!). Hope this helps and good luck!

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