pre-teen and cleaning up her bedroom

Judy - posted on 05/25/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I was reading many of the postings here on Circle of Moms and I can totally relate. But my situation is a bit different... I am not the mother. I am the aunt who is taking care of my sister's daughter (age 10) while her mom's in a nursing facility recovering from surgical complications. We have had my niece with us for almost 3.5 years. I love my niece and provide for her. She has her own room, tv, computer, & a bunch of toys. Mostly because her parents over compensate because neither parent is physically in her life. She visits her mom every other weekend and talks to them daily on the phone.
I understand that she is a typical 10 yr old who doesn't like to clean. But all I ask of her is to pick up her clothes, put them away in the drawers and hamper, put her dvds away where they belong, put her dolls away when she is finished playing with them, don't shove everything under the bed or inside the closet, and put her school books away. Everything has a place. It takes us 4 hrs to do a serious cleaning and a few minutes later its back again. All we do is argue, then she calls her mom and her mother goes and underminds me. We ground her, take her toys away, etc but it doesn't do any good. I've noticed that I am yelling at her and its causing so much stress that I am getting physically ill. I hope there is someone out there with some helpful suggestions!

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Michelle - posted on 05/25/2014

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I think you need to have a talk with her Mother and let her know that while she is in your house, you will discipline her. Let her know what you are expecting of her daughter while she's with you and that you need her to back you up. Then she needs to tell her daughter that she will back you up on the punishments that you set.
If all the adults aren't on the same page she will keep playing you off against each other.

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