Precious Time

Jacqui - posted on 05/05/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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With Mothers Day almost upon us, suddenly we mums have a licence to be selfish - to have a day or at least a part of it to spoil ourselves. Goodness knows the rest of the time there is an expectation for us to be utterly selfless. To give ourselves to everyone else, to allow ourselves to be pulled and pawed in all directions.



Prior to having children you have no concept of the preciousness of your time. You waste it, frivel it away on nothing. Suddenly you have a child and your time is gone. Smashed to smithereens.



When your children are babies you might have a little bit of time while they nap. But, as they grow and nap-time reduces, then any non-child time you do have you guard jealously. Now my children are older they rarely nap at all. It means that the little bit of time I have when both are at kindy (there seems to be an hour 3 times a week of non-child time), I hold on to for all I’m worth. If anything or anyone interrupts that precious me-time then I lose all sense of civility.



The other day I was writing my blog and there was a knock at the door. Both children were at Kindy and I had one hour to get my thoughts together and do some writing. I cursed and pretended I hadn’t heard it. The person knocked again. Grumbling, I went to answer it. It was a girlfriend popping in to say hi and have a quick cuppa. ‘You’ve got to be kidding me,’ I thought. I was ungracious and uninviting. She in turn was affronted and put-out.



For her who lives alone she had no concept of how precious my time was and couldn’t understand why I couldn’t spare 20 minutes to have a non-children interrupting chat with her. I was so ungracious that in the end she left. I then immediately felt guilty. Am I alone in this kind of reaction? Am I being totally selfish in jealously guarding my non-child time like that?

Love Jacqui

http://www.ifonlytheytoldme.com

3 Comments

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[deleted account]

No, you are not alone at all. Just saying that when YOU TIME is occasionally interrupted by well meaning friends and family we should not be rude. But you know you were unfair to your friend as you said yourself that you were ungracious to her. I feel exactly like you do when my precious time has been invaded by someone else (happened to me today as a matter of fact), but I still put on my smile and welcome the "company" for as long they were here for the visit. I will have to reschedule the plans I had for today. I will get my ME TIME another day......
:-)

Jacqui - posted on 05/05/2012

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Hi Sharon,
Thanks for that and you are quite right and I definitely don't want to lose a friendship. At the same time, I work full-time and have no family in this country (New Zealand and all my family are in the UK). I treasure any time I have with my children, likewise I treasure any time I have on my own with my husband. At the same time, as mums we are always told how important YOU TIME is and it IS important. In my YOU TIME, my outlet is to write. YOU TIME is very rare and when I get it I curl up and write - with silence and peace in the home, it is the only opportunity I get. Others might go to the gym, for a run, do cooking, painting or reading. I write. When that time is 'stolen' from me, I feel frustrated. That doesn't mean I don't want to spend time with my friend - just not in my carefully co-ordinated and organised YOU TIME.
Surely I am not alone in this? Would love to hear some more comments on this one. Tell me I'm not alone, MOMS?!! Love Jacqui http//www.ifonlytheytoldme.com

[deleted account]

I understand the feelings you describe, BUT... you should have put those feelings aside for your friend. As irritating as it is to be interrupted when you had your heart set on achieving something specific, your friend deserves a little respect too. The kids will grow up, spend more time at school and your spare time will increase. But your friend may not be willing to spend time with you if she feels you view spending time with her as an annoyance.

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