Pregnant again; don't love the dad anymore

User - posted on 04/14/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Me and the father of my child are together for 6 years. We have a 2 year old girl and I recently found out that I'm pregnant again. The problem is I don't love him anymore. He was never around when our daughter was born and left me completely by myself, and I supose I have never forgave him for that, or for any of the many many bad things he done to me (although not violent) since day one. We had sex once in six months and I got immediatly pregnant. The worst of it all is that I work for his mum. I got an appointment in the doctor but I don't know if I keep the baby or not. Had anyone been in the same situation? Please help me.

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Raye - posted on 04/14/2015

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Whether to keep it or not is a very personal choice. Hopefully, you will consider all the options of abortion, adoption and keeping it, and try to decide what would be the best option for you and the child-to-be. You may get many opinions on here about what to do, but I say go with your heart. What do you FEEL way deep down?

If you have any doubt about having an abortion at all, then you should probably have the baby. I would not judge you for having an abortion, as I believe it can be the best choice in some situations. But if you don't want to, don't let the father push you toward that decision. Whether you choose adoption or parenting would be the next choice. It would not be selfish to give the baby up for adoption. You would give it an opportunity at a life with parents that really want it. If you keep it, then you and the father both need to figure out the best way to raise this kid. He may need to get off his butt, fix his house so you have a stable place to live. Or, if he doesn't want to grow up and be responsible, then you and the child would probably be better off without him.

Again, these are all personal choices, and what I'm offering is just an opinion.

User - posted on 04/14/2015

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Thanks for your comment, but I'm dealing with keeping or not the baby. I am finishing my master, work many hours a day and my baby is now starting to be a little independent - and so do I. This pregnancy came in the worst time ever.

I talked with the father and he says he doesn't want to break up, and that he doesn't want the baby. Then he said we coud have the baby but I know he's not helping: we are renting a house while he owns a house that needs a lot of work and he just refuses to fix it. I am so tired, and also lonely, and I didn't planned any of this, as I said, we had sex once in months. I know him too well, and to find a job while pregnant is not easy (I don't live in the US).

I know I would love my child deeply but I also know it will be a big problem in my life now. Don't know what to do.

Raye - posted on 04/14/2015

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I'm sorry you're in that situation, but you did not make very wise choices. If you didn't want kids, why didn't you use protection? If you don't love him, have you tried counseling or even just sitting down and talking to him to see of the love can be rekindled?

If you don't want things to work out between you, then you need to file for divorce. It may not be finalized until after you give birth (assuming you keep it), depending on what state you live in. Then you need to get custody, visitation and child support worked out through the court. Doesn't matter if you think you can come to an agreement without going to court, do it anyway. That way you're protecting the children should someone change their mind down the road and decide to do things their own way without considering the other parent. As far as working for his mother, you might want to find a different job. Or you just have to sit down with her and explain (without overly accusing her son) that things aren't working out at home, but you'd like for your personal life not to interfere with your work life and try to come to an agreement with her.

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