Pregnant and Depressed

Dineo - posted on 06/06/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I just recently found out that I am pregnant .I. 21 working , have a small business and I am graduated from university at the end of the year ..I broke up with my boyfriend a month before I found out and before I told he was asking me to get back together with him and insisted that I do a pregnancy test .When I finally found out from a doctor that I am pregnant ,he just told me that he needs time to think and that he didn't want a baby and the way I didn't speak to him about keeping the baby .that really hurt me and I am trying so hard to put on a brave face bt I'm dying inside I think about this all the time that a person who cliams he loved you can be so selfish and leave with such responsibility .I love my baby and I want to keep I'm just not sure how I will be able to get over the fact that sum1 left me pregnant as my father left me and mom and most kids in my family where also abondened by their fathers ..Another thing is I just want to forget him and raise my baby alone and keep my baby away from him but people keep saying I am rushing him I should give him time which doesn't make sense coz its not like I have time to sit back and think about it coz I'm carrying the baby ..I really feel the need to delete his numbers and move on witout him and I know that I do have the right to keep the baby away from him if he purposely walked away .I just sent him a text telling him that I am going for my 1st scan on saturday and that if he is not interested I will leave him alone and not bother him again ..Do you think I'm fair by expecting him to be involved with the baby now ? Or should I give him months like people say ?

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As the father, he has the right to decide for himself whether he wants to be a part of the baby's life or not. If you don't want him in the child's life, I would present him with papers to sign over his parental rights to you at birth--this way you don't have to deal with visitation, court dates, and all of that crap if he decides a few years down the road that he wants to be there. (I think it's difficult for children when they are forced to bond with a person who left them at birth and comes and goes in and out of their lives as they please, so if they choose to leave at the onset, they shouldn't be allowed in later).

As for getting over him. Leaving is just part of life. You really shouldn't ever trust another person to stay with you, or be with you, or do anything with you beyond the moment they are actually there. People are innately self centered. They leave when they want to and they will ALWAYS care more about themselves than anyone else, no matter what they tell you. Don't trust anyone other than yourself. This way, you'll always be prepared for them leaving, and if they don't--yay! Enjoy it. But if they do, then you'll be prepared.

I've been married for 10 years. I love my husband VERY much--he a wonderful man--but I know that he could decide to leave any day, for any reason. Thus, I stay prepared for that event. I have emergency funds, I have a plan of action. Every day that he stays with me, and we live happily and love each other, I am thankful and happy, and very truly grateful--I value my time and my life with him very much--but I'm not going to let him leaving destroy me. I'm not going to let the idea of living without him hold me back or keep me from my own happiness. Does that make sense?

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Dineo - posted on 06/12/2013

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That's really helpful .I'm really fed up and I don't wanna stress myself about him I gave him so many chances to man up .He didn't even come to the babys first scan and I had to pay for everything all he says is that he has a toothache his dealing with his own pain I must send him a qoutation so today I decided that I'm calling my lawyer and stripping him off his rights as dad and so forth and I told him that I don't want u ,I just want u to look after your kid but its okay I knew he would be like this bt I didn't think to an innocent soul like a baby he would do that ! .Thank you so much for the advice and support !

Onetraeh - posted on 06/06/2013

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:( I'm srry to hear about your situation;idk how some of these men today don't feel tht being a father to their children is important regardless of the relationship with the mother I really don't.especially the ones who grew up without a father themselves;u would think they would want to break the cycle just disgusting.wht kelly said is sad but true tho & not just financially but try your best to be not emotionally dependent on a man;in other words stay on your toes @ all times.this realization sometimes comes later in life but if u can get tht @ 21 then u r ahead of the game.I don't think u should be @ all concerned about wht's fair to him since he's not being fair to u & he should be happy about losing parental rights since he doesn't want them;tell him he can't play games with u or your childs life & step up or step off those should be his only choices

Dineo - posted on 06/06/2013

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Thank you Kelly .It really helps because I thought I would be unfair I denied him access legally because he chose to leave ..Sumhow I expected him to be the selfish person he is bt a part of me thought this would somehow wake him up ..But I hear what you saying and atleast I never depended on him financially because I didn't wanna put that much into anothers persons hands ..I'm really greatful for your advice .

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