Pregnant teenager

Amanda - posted on 06/28/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I have a pregnant 16 year old. Please help!
I was married for more than 20 years. I left my husband after finding out he cheated. That was after I spent a year trying to make it work. But I couldn't move past the infidelity. I moved out with my daughter and life was a struggle but we were ok. She started dating and was seemingly adjusted to our life together. She started having sex. I thought we had moved past all this and she forgot about the boyfriend.
I started dating someone and fell head over heels. My daughter liked him also. We ended up moving in together. Two weeks later I find out she is five weeks pregnant. She had a new boyfriend she didn't tell me about. They had been sneaking around while I was at work.
So nevertheless this man we live with accepted the pregnancy without hesitation. He was very supportive of everything.
My daughter got a job and I bought her a car in preparation for her new needs. I have been very supportive of her. I listen and try to understand her reasoning in all she does. This is a huge change!
My daughter started talking about moving in with this boy who still lives at home. She has also been trying to figure out a way for them to move in together. And they neither one work.
I have been trying to work with her and get her to understand things. Her attitude has become so intolerable. She looks at me and my fiance like she hates us.
We layed down the rules for after the baby is born. She would have to continue with school and keep her grades up, as well as keep her things and the babies things cleaned up. We also told her that the babies daddy would not be allowed to come and go whenever. That he could come when we were home. So she's angry and called me a stuck up b****!
She's complaining that we don't understand that she will need help with the baby. But she won't even try to understand that we don't want any more babies and we certainly don't want this other kid running around our house when we aren't home.
Needless to say the tension had become horrible at home. I sent her to stay with her grandparents for the rest of the summer. I told her she needed some time away to think about things. And I said she had a choice to stay there, or come back. But our rules still stand. I feel guilty for sending her away, but I am much more at ease. The tension has diminished dramatically. I miss her so much, but I still thinks she needs some time. Did I do the right thing? Am I handling it right?

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Amanda - posted on 06/28/2014

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I don't have family here for her to fall back on. The only family she has around here is his family. I feel like sometimes I am between a rock and a hard place. And I have felt like his family has been doing everything they can to take her from me since the divorce.
I also know that she needs to have some say so in her life. But she shouldn't be running over us. And I just want to be a part of her life.

Amanda - posted on 06/28/2014

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Her dad lives alone. Heavily into the dating scene. He won't have much to do with her. She got upset at me a few weeks back because I got upset when she purposely got fired so she could go to the beach with her boyfriend and his grandparents. She said she was moving in with her dad. She went over, and took some of her things. She said our old house was disgusting because he won't clean and there wasn't any food in the house.
So she went to her grandparents to stay the night and come back the next day.
Her grandparents have been trying to get her to move in permanently but tell her if she does and then moves out that she won't be allowed back.
No, I really don't want to raise another child, but I support her decision in keeping it. I just want het to be responsible and respectful. I didn't send her there for good. I just sent her there to get a good feel of how it would be there verses here and told her she could decide what she wanted.
But I do miss her. I just know that what might be there, having access to much more family may be better for her.

Amy - posted on 06/28/2014

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If she wants to move out let her, but I don't think it's fair that you don't want to raise any more kids yet sent her to her grandparents. I highly doubt they want to raise anymore either. But I agree she needs to live by the rules in your house, where is her bio dad in all this?

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