Pregnant teenager wants an abortion

Susan - posted on 07/18/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I was just advised yesterday that my seventeen year old daughter is pregnant and wants an abortion. She has one more year of high school and will be 18 in January 2013. Morally, I do not want her to do this, but she does not want the child (my grand baby). This is the worst day of my life. As a mother, you try to protect her from all the painful things in life, but this is not something you just take care of for her like a lost/broke cell phone. And on top of all of this, I lost my job 11/2012 and have not found a new job. My thoughts, as a mother are to say, " you made your bed" but that is not how this should be handled. By law, in California, she does not need my permission to go through this, but needs my money. Any help with this would be so appreciated. My thoughts are to see if I can talk her into having the baby and taking care of it ourselves. By the way, she has not told her father either, but we have always had an open communication that she could come to me with anything.

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Sarah - posted on 07/19/2013

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Why not look into adoption? As a teenager she is reacting in fear. Fear of her life changing. I would encourage the both of you to talk with a crisis pregnancy counselor. Many adoption agencies provide birth parent counseling for free no matter what the mother chooses. Sometimes when we take a step back and take a deep breath and look at things we have a different solution. Abortion is a very permanent thing. And once it is done that does not mean the pain is gone. This is something your daughter will live with for the rest of her life. It is worth taking the time and sorting things out and looking at what may work instead of jumping off the cliff and doing something just because you are scared and freaked out. Many people (teenage or not) when they have an unplanned pregnancy have this as their first reaction. It is a normal reaction, but that does not mean it is the right action to take.

Jodi - posted on 07/19/2013

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If the father is also a minor, then his parents should also be coughing up some funds for this. I know I, as the mother of a teenage boy, would expect to share in the mistakes he made if this happened to him.

Jodi - posted on 07/18/2013

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When it comes down to it, even if the law in your state was that she didn't need your permission, it IS her choice. We can't force our children to use their body in a way they don't want to. I think it is important for you to discuss her options with her, but be careful not to discuss it in a way that makes her feel guilty about whichever choice she makes.

With regard to the money, I think the father of this baby should step up and take some sort of responsibility there. Whichever decision she makes, there will be costs involved, and I don't believe it should only be your daughter who pays the price. This would be a very important lesson for the boy involved too. What does HE want?

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Susan - posted on 07/19/2013

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I agree, it is her choice and decision and I will support and love her no matter what. I think we need to get confirmation of the pregnancy from her doctor and counseling and go from there. I appreciate your advise, it was very helpful.

The father, I'm afraid, is not financially able to help much with anything.

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