Marie - posted on 03/05/2016 ( 2 moms have responded )
I'm currently pregnant with my fifth child, and instead of my usual excitement, I'm feeling nothing but dread and frustration. My first three were largely planned. I wanted a fourth, but my husband didn't, and we had finally both decided we were done when I found out - surprise! - I was pregnant with my fourth child. I hate being pregnant in general, even though I have fairly easy pregnancies, but I consoled myself through that one saying it would be our last.
However, about 8 weeks ago, when my youngest son was 9 months old, we found out we were expecting again - two days before my husband was scheduled for his vasectomy. That was the first time I have actually cried after taking a pregnancy test. I feel horrible about feeling miserable. I want to be happy we're having another baby. I want to be thrilled about it, but the thought of another just makes me want to hyperventilate. I thought the feeling would pass, but it's not going away. I am so frustrated with having to go through another pregnancy, and the thought of two more years of nursing and night feedings makes me want to break down into tears. I just don't know what to do. Am I the only one who's felt this way?
My now 10 month old still wakes 5-6 times a night to nurse despite our many attempts to break him of the habit. My three year old is up by 5:00 or 6 am every morning, and I'm homeschooling my two older daughters. I never feel rested, and I always feel I'm either someone's food or someone's maid. I don't feel like a person anymore. I go to the gym 5-6 days a week to recharge and feel better about myself, and we go on outings with friends and such, but even those things don't provide the relief they once did.
When my youngest son was born, I thought I could really enjoy his baby phase because he would be our last. Whenever he got up at night, I reminded myself these days would soon be over. Now, I just feel like they're never going to end. What can I do to encourage myself? How can I pull myself out of this funk? My husband is wonderful, and he's been so supportive, but there's only so much he can do when he's at work all day. I would love to know if anyone else has struggled with these thoughts and feelings, and, ideally, how they dealt with it!