Kait - posted on 10/10/2016 ( 2 moms have responded )
I think I want a divorce. I am 9 weeks preggo with no. 2, I have even thought about getting an abortion. My daughter is 16 mos. I have been with my husband for almost 11 years and we have been married for 3.5. I have kind of known the whole time that we are incompatible, but once my daughter came our issues hit us like a train. I have asked him to go to counseling. The first time I got an appointment scheduled and the night before, he said he couldn't make it because he scheduled an appointment at work (but it was apparent that he just didn't think counseling was important, like we should just work without it). I ended up going by myself, which involved walking 3 miles one way and taking two trains with a four month old (we share a car and he uses it for work, whole other issue entirely). After this session I told him to follow up and schedule with the therapist, but he never could make it happen (This speaks to his pattern of not following up or taking things seriously). I asked him again recently, before we found out we were pregnant, he called the woman and she didn't call him back, so he gave up. We also really don't make enough money for regular counseling.
Currently he works a commission only job (He has floated between four different jobs over the last 2 years and non of them have paid over 30,000 so we have struggled financially for a while). The commissions come so infrequently that we can't save any of it and it all goes to bills. We are behind on our car payment, owe multiple people money including the IRS. I work a full time job from home and my daughter is at home with me during this time because we can't afford childcare, but we make too much for gov assistance. I also picked up a job at a gym to get a free membership (self care) and for some extra cash. I recently told him that with the morning sickness I don't think I can continue working at the gym and he said I can't quit because we really need the money. (oh the things I wanted to say, but i bit my tongue so as to not assault him verbally :) He is not looking for another job and if he is going to get another job I will have to update his resume and be the one to actually apply him for the jobs (As I have done for years in order for him to get a job to support us). I am so overly frustrated by his lack of motivation and direction in life, I honestly think it would be easier by myself. I feel like he is holding me back and that we wouldn't be in the financial distress we are if it weren't for his bad decision making and lack of direction in life. His lack of ambition is embarrassing to me and I do not respect him because of it. I am scared to death about what I am going to do financially after the baby comes because I will not be able to be the breadwinner. With my first I went back to work 2 weeks post baby and was incredibly stressed with being a new mom, breastfeeding, pumping and being accountable to my job. I also know that he will not be able to find a job that will be able to cover all of our bills so I will have to go back to work.
I am torn about this pregnancy because I don't want my daughter to be an only child, I want her to have a companion through life, especially if her dad and I divorce. But how the heck can this work financially?! I do not want to be dependent on him. We also do not live near any family and have discussed moving back home, but my husband says how unhappy he will be if we move back. I am feeling really alone without any support or help from family and really need it in my life, especially if we keep the baby. The other side is that his family is like my family, my family is pretty toxic and I would not necessarily trust my kids with my mom (she is borderline) and my childhood was very volatile.
Feeling drained and in need of some unbiased ideas and thoughts. Sorry for the long post. Thank you in advance!