prepare for the worst...help?

Monique - posted on 05/03/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Long story short
found out im 20wks pregnant and scheduled for an ultrasound midmay which will reveal the gender and any complications? I dont know this is my first child and dont know what to expect. I thought of abortion but pretty sure its too late and also am excited for a baby and a new healthy lifestyle. ive been addicted to cocaine for 3 years and have been using regularly up until after the pregnancy test so for 4months, im not a heavy drinker but have had some drinks within these months. I told my provider i had drinks but not about the cocaine because im ashamed of myself and i am quitting for the baby and dont want social services involved before i even have a chance to prove that my babys life is worth letting this addiction go. All my provider has told me was not to worry a lot of women have gone thru this (drinking). So i hop on the internet looking for answers questions stories advice..anything i could find but there was nothing but shaming and making me more scared about the effects than what i already am. I finally found this site and read a few stories everyone seems helpful and non judgemental so here i am sharing my story In hopes of popositivity. I am ready to change and give up my addiction for the life of my unborn child. I want everything to be ok and i hope i didnt do too much damage already. Im a new recovering mom and dont know what God is going to give me but i just want some reassurance from people whos been thru this or know someone whos been thru this. This hasnt been easy for me but each day its getting better i have been clean for 9 days now and im planning to stay clean for many more. I have a great support system but none know of my addiction...except for my boyfriend (babies father) which we are on Rocky terms right now but he is excited and loving of the new baby despite the terms we are on...thats a whole other story. Sorry if my story was all over i needed to let this out.

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Ledia - posted on 05/03/2015

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Monique, you NEED to tell your doctor about the cocaine use. First of all, if you've used for nearly 4 months of your pregnancy, evidence of that IS going to show up in the babies system when the baby is born. Social Services will be called after your baby is born whether you tell your doctor now or not, but if you do not tell your doctor NOW and they find traces of cocaine use in your child, it will look like you are trying to hide an addiction and they will NOT let your child go home with you. If you tell your doctor now, and do what you need to do recover from your addiction, your doctor will vouch for you that you are clean and are doing everything you can do to stay clean. You will also have confirmation from whatever recovery program you enroll in--and you do need to enroll in an actual recovery program that is recognized by the government and will document your progress.

That said, keeping social services out of the picture is NOT your biggest concern. I don't know how frequently you consider " using regularly" but using cocaine even once or twice during the earliest part of the pregnancy can have major effects on the fetus, so if you used at all during your first and second months, there could be some serious issues with your baby. There is still a good possibility you could give birth to a beautifully healthy little baby with no long term health issues, but your doctor NEEDS to know that you used cocaine NOW in order to take the medical precautions that need to be taken during your pregnancy in order to protect your child. If you refuse to talk to your doctor about your cocaine use, you may allow something to happen during your pregnancy that does harm your baby just because you were too immature to talk about your addiction. When you become a mother, life is no longer about you--EVERY decision you make from now forward needs to be in the best interest of your child. You can't just say, "I'm not going to tell anyone that I did something that could potentially cause major harm to my child because I'm ashamed I did it." You have to grow up now and face your mistakes. We all make mistakes, you've made a big one, so now, just like the rest of us, you have to own your mistake.

Sarah - posted on 05/03/2015

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I hate to tell you but planned parenthood has the same rules as your doc. Both are mandatory reporters, so both have to report the drug use. So chances are it has already been reported. Both will give you referrals. Your doctor will be seeing you on a regular basis and will be able to help keep you accountable. He/she will also be able to treat your baby accordingly with ALL information to make sure your baby is healthy.

Monique - posted on 05/03/2015

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Thanks Sarah .
I know it sounds childish but i refuse to talk 2 my doctor about me using. I do not want social services involved. i have talkd to planned parenthood and told them about me using and they gave me referrals to some places that can help. I know its hard cocaine is very adaddictive like i said i have been clean for 9 days and i dont want to or plan to relapse. I just want a healthy drug free environment for my baby

Sarah - posted on 05/03/2015

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If you are truly wanting to be successful on quitting you have to share EVERY THING with them and your doctor. The more open you are with everyone the more successful you will be. You need to admit the truth to them as that is key to recovery. You also need them to keep you accountable no matter how well you think you can do it on your own.

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