Pressured to get pregnant

Amelia - posted on 01/20/2013 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I just found out that I'm pregnant. Along with this announcement came my brother and sister in laws, my uncle and aunts and a friend who has the same due date as I do.
Out of all of us I'm the only one not having her first and I feel cut off somehow. Like I'm part of that group of experienced moms who tell stories of their kids and labors. And I'm wondering when the heck did that happened.
My first is a little boy who was a happy surprise when he showed up 8 days before our first wedding anniversary and who is now 10 months old. As soon as he was born the pressure to get pregnant again was on!
See both my mother and my mother in law had very close pregnancies. How close? Well my older brother and I are only 11 months apart and my husband and his sisters birthdays are a week apart.
So when baby hit 3 months old I felt like an instant failure. Like somehow I wasn't doing my job of shoving babies out fast enough. Don't get me wrong i want to be pregnant, to hold a newborn again as the doctor sows me up and show my sweet first born how great it is to be big brother. But that competitiveness coming from my mother in law and unintentionally my mother is really starting to get to me.
Are all my pregnancies going to feel like I'm trying to one up all the women in my life?
How do I know I'm a good mom when my want to be pregnant is fueled not only for a love of being mommy and those special smiles I get but a bitter hate for 'loosing'?

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Jodi - posted on 01/21/2013

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How am I not helping? I was just trying to point out that blaming others for your feelings (I feel like I have to one up everyone and if I don't I'm a failure because they are competitive is blaming their competitiveness, not acknowledging your shortcomings) is not going to help you let go and take back control of how you feel, that's all. It is something very logical taught to me by a psychologist. But if you can't see my point, then fine. But I was actually trying to be helpful. I'll stay out of it now. You clearly are not interested in advice you don't agree with ;)

Amelia - posted on 01/20/2013

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I appreciate and hear what you both said. This pregnancy is what we genuinely want and feel like is best for our little family. To say I'm comparing myself to others is right ( it's hard not to when they compare themselves to me) but I don't feel like I'm blaming anyone. If I didn't want another child I would have placed barriers to prevent it.

Chaya - posted on 01/20/2013

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I have had to put some distance between my family because my siblings wanted me to start having babies before I was emotionally or financially able to. Realize that one baby isn't better than another, and being a mom isn't better than not being one. While I'm genuinly happy for you, if you wish ten children, go for it. However, it needs to be what you and your sweetheart wish, not your families

Jodi - posted on 01/20/2013

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I think you need to ask yourself why you are letting other people dictate your life. This isn't their problem, it is yours. It seems to me that you are not confident in your choices. I get that you feel pressured, but you have to own how you feel as a result of their competitiveness. You are allowing yourself to get caught up in it. Stop!! Stop comparing yourself to them. Stop comparing yourself to anyone. You are your own person, and you need to feel confident in YOUR choices, and you also need to stop blaming others for the way you feel, because blaming others results in believing you have no control over the situation.

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