Amelia - posted on 01/20/2013 ( 7 moms have responded )
I just found out that I'm pregnant. Along with this announcement came my brother and sister in laws, my uncle and aunts and a friend who has the same due date as I do.
Out of all of us I'm the only one not having her first and I feel cut off somehow. Like I'm part of that group of experienced moms who tell stories of their kids and labors. And I'm wondering when the heck did that happened.
My first is a little boy who was a happy surprise when he showed up 8 days before our first wedding anniversary and who is now 10 months old. As soon as he was born the pressure to get pregnant again was on!
See both my mother and my mother in law had very close pregnancies. How close? Well my older brother and I are only 11 months apart and my husband and his sisters birthdays are a week apart.
So when baby hit 3 months old I felt like an instant failure. Like somehow I wasn't doing my job of shoving babies out fast enough. Don't get me wrong i want to be pregnant, to hold a newborn again as the doctor sows me up and show my sweet first born how great it is to be big brother. But that competitiveness coming from my mother in law and unintentionally my mother is really starting to get to me.
Are all my pregnancies going to feel like I'm trying to one up all the women in my life?
How do I know I'm a good mom when my want to be pregnant is fueled not only for a love of being mommy and those special smiles I get but a bitter hate for 'loosing'?