Amanda - posted on 09/12/2016 ( 4 moms have responded )
Hello, I am hoping to get some advice on a recent argument that happened the other night with my husband. This is a long one, so I apologize! We've been together for 10 years, married for 6 and have a beautiful 6 year old daughter. We are happily married, sometimes we don't get along but we always seem to work through our problems for the most part. Last night we got into a really big fight which caused me to lash out (swearing, slamming doors)...all in front of our daughter. It made her so upset that she chased me around the house saying I was being "very mean"'and that I "shouldn't treat Daddy that way". It was awful. I feel like such a horrible mother but I was SO UPSET and could not control my anger. Meanwhile, when I was telling him how I felt and screaming about it, my husband just sat on the couch and said nothing the whole time. It made me even more upset. We got into an argument because the company he has been employed with for 10 years isn't doing well and he's afraid he might lose his job. This is very scary for me as I am new in my career (I work as a real estate agent and am not making any money yet). I stayed home after my daughter was born and was a "stay at home mom". I am just now getting back into a career. We also live in a very tiny house (800 sq ft) and want to eventually sell and get a bigger home. We've been working on selling and buying something else since we moved here 6 years ago. Back to my point, his job, he's been talking about it every other day and it's really causing me to stress out. The worst part of it is he wants to go back to school to be a teacher because that's been his life long dream and he wants to do something that will make him happy. He's been working with computers for over 10 years and has no teaching experience. He has the opportunity to get a certification (something to do with computers) that would be great on his resume and allow him to get a job that pays the same (possibly even more) than what he makes now if he were to loss his job. He decided he doesn't want to get this certification because it's not what will make him happy, he's decided that teaching will make him happy. I would normally be okay with his career change (even if that meant he would have to go back to college and get a degree in teaching, which he doesn't have). However, starting salaries of teachers in our state are less than half of what he makes now. If he goes back to school to get his degree in teaching (which he'll have to take out student loans for) he'll end up getting a job making less than half of what he makes now. I'm furious about it. I've told him that it's a huge mistake and that he needs to do what's best for our family. If this was ten years ago when he was 20 this would have been a great idea but not when your married, have kids and in your 30's. I feel like what he's doing is very selfish and it really (excuse my language) pisses me off big time. I don't know how we'll manage to survive if he does this, never mind, do things like purchase a new home and be able to live comfortably. I really don't know what to do about it anymore as its been stressing me out sooo badly. He brings it up every couple of days and I keep telling him to not talk about it unless he losses his job and then we'll worry about it. I really think going back to college to get a degree in teaching is a horrible mistake. I'm all for my husband being happy but not at the expense of our family having to live uncomfortably and miserable because of it. I tried explaining to him (calmly, multiple times before) that there are other things he could do and that not many people get to work their dream job but he's so narrow minded and thick headed that he just says nothing back when I tell him how I feel. What should I do?? Am I being totally crazy about this and just let it slide, should I leave it alone or try talking to him again? Advice, please?