Problems with In Laws treating my child different

Angie - posted on 04/07/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I’ve never been on a site like this so let me start with a little information about myself and my family.
I have been with my husband for 18 years and we have been married 13. We bought 20 acres of land and built a house next door to my MIL, FIL and BIL. My BIL had a daughter in 2003 and yes he still lived at home since he was only 19. My MIL and BIL had my Niece every weekend since the mom wanted her weekends free. I Love my Niece with all my heart and she is very special to me. In 2006 we had our daughter Sam she was born with an Anoxic Brain Injury due to a very hard labor. In the beginning my MIL and FIL were there for us and my daughter but then about a year in they kind of a stopped coming around as much. My husband’s Grandparents had just retired so they were there everyday to take care of my Sam and they often kept her one night on the weekends so we could run errands or just have alone time. During this time I never noticed how my MIL and FIL were favoring my Niece over my Sam. In 2005 when my MIL and FIL built there house (Next Door to me) they made a room just for my niece and my BIL had his own room due to him still living at home at 21 years old. The thought of favoritism never crossed my mind even at this point. In my mind I thought she needs them more since her dad is not able to provide for her. My BIL got married in 2008 and moved out to his own house next door to us. In 2010 my nephew came into this world wow he was a hand full and he stayed with my sam during the day while his mom worked. At this point my MIL and FIL turned my BIL room into my nephew’s bedroom instead of a room for all the grandkids to share. I then started to notice how my nephew and Niece were treated different than my Sam. My MIL and FIL would buy them all kinds of stuff take them on family vacations, go to all their sporting events and want them to be there at their house every weekend. My SIL pointed this out to me one day and said it’s not fair the way they treat Sam. I let it go since Sam had her great Grandparents by her side. My MIL and FIL will keep my Sam 2 to 3 times a year if needed but no more than that. In November Great Grandma passed away and my fear was Sam now only has us. I am in the mist of planning my Sam’s 9th Birthday party for this Saturday and I get an IM from my MIL that states. “We will be late to Sam’s Birthday party Sat due to Sally (my Niece) having a soccer game at 2pm… What time are you starting the party”? Let me back up a little and tell you my Sam’s on a strict feeding schedule due to her illness so we feed at 5:00 am, 11:00 am 4:00 pm and 9:00pm every day by gtube. So my response was “we are doing the party from 1:00 pm to 4:00 pm so everyone will be gone during Sam’s feed”. I then sat back and thought to myself “Why do they my MIL and FIL need to go to her soccer game and miss my Sam’s birthday” Sally will have a lot of soccer games this season and my Sam will only have one birthday. So I informed my MIL” You would not be late to the party they would MISS the party” Her response kind of hurt. “I'll stay for party, FIL and BIL will go to game with Sally. I’ll tell them you need help with party”. Am I wrong to think that my BIL should take Sally and my MIL and FIL should attend my Sam’s Birthday. My question is what can I do to make them see what they are doing and let them know I don’t like it.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

[deleted account]

Hello, wow this is just heartbreaking I can't stand when family members favor another person over the other, that is disrespectful and wrong
I understand because I was in the same situation before. From my experience I think you should speak up more and tell them at the right time right place how you feel in a nice calm way not aggressive because in the end its going to be build up resentment and that is not good.

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[deleted account]

If this is really bothering you and your family, I suggest you see a therapist so he/she can help you communicate and shed light on the concern for the better. Hope for the best to you and your Family! Take Care

Angie - posted on 04/08/2015

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Thanks Mykala I know I need to say something but I just don't know how. My daughter cannot tell them how it makes her feel since she is nonverbal but it breaks my heart. Thank you for the advice.

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