Problems with my daughter's father

Angelica - posted on 12/29/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I have a 6 month old little girl. Me and her dad have been having issues since I was pregnant. I just don't know where to began. Basically though out the time we were together he first had a lot of insecurity issues and was always paranoid that I was cheating on him. When we 1st met and started to get to know eachother he was going through some legal problems and borrowed around $300 bucks from me no problem but then months later his attitude changed and he started stealing from me and lying about it when I brought it up. There were a lot of fights and arguments. Leading up to the time we had our daughter we both wanted to get things right and forgive each other form the past. After out daughter was born I started working from home and to help he would watch her upstairs. He hasn't been able to get a job since he has a felony. Once my daughter turned 2 or 3 months problems started to resurface and we started fighting constantly. Months later we said we were gonna work on our issues and our relationship but then all of a sudden he started not wanting to talk to me and everytime I called him he would get annoyed. Eventually he told me he was seeing someone and I was afraid they were gonna start dating and then that happened. I was so hurt and thrown off because we were supposed to work on us and I didn't even know his mind was fixed to start dating. He told me to get over it and move on. I didn't understand and I was so hurt. This guy already has a son by a previous relationship and then a daughter with me and can barely take care of neither of them. So for a while I afraid he was going to get the new girl pregnant definitely after I found out the girl was a virgin and he took her virginity. The only reason I know is because he told me she was a virgin and then I found a box of condoms with half of them missing. We had a huge argument. I have no clue how old the girl is or if she even knows anything about sex he says it's non of my business and I need to stay in my place but I feel like if he gets this girl pregnant and will become my business when I file child support. He said he has a under the table job so that he could get our daughter something for Christmas but here it is days after Christmas and she still hasn't got anything from him. After the big argument about his new girlfriend he tells me 2 weeks later that he broke up with her to work on us. I agreed we should work it out but I'm not dumb obviously if we don't work out he's gonna go back to her. We're taking "baby steps". He doesn't have a stable place to live so if he's not here with me and our daughter then he's usually with her. He wants his cake and wants to eat it to and he thinks that's okay. I love him but I don't wanna be hurt again and I just feel like I'm setting myself up to be hurt again. He wants me to understand him but he can't even try to understand me and where I'm coming from. Lately I've been thinking about not having him in my daughters life. I just don't feel that's he's a good father figure and just with everything that has happened I'm sick of him. I've had so much faith in us but I'm starting to loose that faith. I'm tired of him taking me for granted and stabbing me in the back. I want her to have her father in her life but I just don't know anymore.

3 Comments

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Jodi - posted on 12/30/2015

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Oh, FFS, it is time for both of you to grow up. Stop taking him back, contact a lawyer, file for custody and visitation order and child support and get it done. You don't get to say whether her father is in her life or not - she has a right to a relationship with both parents even if you are no longer together. From what you have described (virgin and all..... :/) he has done nothing to indicate he shouldn't have a reasonable amount of custody/visitation of his daughter.

Sorry if I sound cranky, but I am so tired of seeing these posts trying to cut the other parent out of a child's life just because they have relationship problems between them. It's total bullshit.

Michelle - posted on 12/30/2015

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Why are you even wanting to take him back? You are better off without him and he's right, who he has sex with is none of your business unless it involves your child (meaning if he is doing it in front of your child).
My suggestion is to call it off, get yourself a lawyer and get custody, visitation and child support sorted out. You can't make the decision to cut him out of your child's life though, that's up to the courts.

Natalie - posted on 12/29/2015

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You are most definitely better off without this guy in your life honey, he is just going to keep hurting both you and your daughter. If I were you the only thing I would be seeking is child support but do not expect much more from him as he is just a player. I really hope that everything works out for you and your daughter. You and your little girl deserve so much better and this guy will not provide that for you, as you said he has not even got her a Christmas present yet and I doubt that he will either. He is also just using you for a place to stay when he is stuck, kick him to the curb and count yourself lucky that you are not stuck with someone that will keep playing you like an instrument until one day he will hit the wrong note and you and your daughters world will be seriously affected by his actions or lack of.

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