Problems with my teens and their stepfather Help!!

Angela - posted on 05/28/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )

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First off I met my husband not long after I divorced. We fell in love and had a great beginning. That is until a year into our marriage. My husband is 15 years older than I and has 2 grown children ( a son 30 and a daughter 26.) I came into the marriage with 3 children of my own ( ages now a daughter 15, a daughter 14 and a son 11.) We have been married for 2 1/2 years so far. In the start my husband would shower my children with affection and love. It all changed when I let his children move in. My husband said it would only be for a few but here it is 1 year later and neither have jobs or even contribute to the household. The issue I am having is that I raised my kids to respect adults and authorities. My oldest daughter is really testing her limits. I have set rules and she does not follow them. I discipline her and it doesn't work. My other two children are now mimicking her because they think shes their role model. Well since my children fail to listen to my husband he now is throwing words around like " Im living in Hell" or " if you don't change them Im leaving." I don't want to lose my children or my husband but with his adult children living in the home the respect has gone. I talk to my husband about his children and he says that I hate them or I just don't want them around. Which is not true but I try to encourage them to gain jobs and get on their own. I told my husband that his adult children had to get a place to stay within 2 weeks because I couldn't take it no more. His response to this was " if you cant accept my children living here Ill leave. I will not be asked to choose between you and my children, they will be the ones that I choose. He stated that his children are going to be needing him and that he will be there regardless if it even means sacrificing his happiness." I am lost. I don't want to give up on my marriage but I also don't want to go on fighting and bickering over these issues day in and day out. How do I handle this and how do I get the connection that my children had with him back in the beginning of our relationship? Help!

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Angela - posted on 05/28/2014

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On an added note, my oldest daughter no longer listens to him and chooses not to. She stated that she doesn't have to and that they tell her to ignore him ( we are not sure who they are and she wont tell us.). This has caused a wedge in our marriage.

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